A Story

Author: Orrymain and special guest co-author, Claudia!
Category:  Slash, Humor, Romance, Holiday, Established Relationship
Pairing:  Jack/Daniel ... and it's all J/D
Rating:  NC-17 (innuendo)
Season:  6 - (Danielized!)
Spoilers:  None
Size:  38kb, short story
Written:  April 17-19, 2004  Revised for consistency:  February 14, 2007
Summary:  There's a story?  Jack and Daniel get artistic, and then they get a little surprise.
Disclaimer:  Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't.  A gal can dream though!
Notes:  
1) Sometimes, Jack and Daniel speak almost telepathically.  Their “silent” words to each other are indicated by asterisks instead of quotes, such as **Jack, we can't.**
2) Silent, unspoken thoughts by various characters are indicated with ~ in front and behind them, such as ~Where am I?~
3) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better:  QuinGem, Drdjlover!

A Story
by Orrymain and Claudia

“You *have* lost your mind.  I knew it had to happen sooner or later.”

“Jack, it'll be fun!”

“Fun?”

“You did tell me to go to my happy place.”

“Yeah, but don't you think this is taking it too far?”

Daniel grinned as he answered, “No.  Trust me, Babe, this is definitely my happy place!”

As Daniel straddled his lover on their king-size bed at home, Jack asked, “Why do I let you talk me into these things?”

“Because you love me.”

“There *has* to be another reason.”

“Hmm.  Because you think I'm beautiful and sexy.”

~Aaaaaaaa-men!~  Jack looked at his lover, surprised at the self-confidence the young man was exhibiting.  “Well, you are definitely that, especially right now.  I mean ... mmm-mmm good, if you know what I mean.”

“Jack, I am not a bowl of Campbell's soup.”

“Maybe not, but you are good to the last drop.”

“Jack, that's a coffee commercial.”

“I will *not* share you with coffee.  Well, maybe I will.  I'll put it right ... here,” Jack said as he touched the area of his interest.

“And you said I was losing my mind.”

“No, I said you had lost your mind.”

“Of all times for you to start to listen to me.”

“It had to happen sooner or later, Love,” the older man commented.

“Does this mean you'll continue to listen to me?”

“I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate me,” Jack smirked, pleased with his response.

“Then I'm going to take my toys and leave.”

“But I like your ... toys.”

“You just want my Lincoln Logs and G.I. Joe.”

“Daniel, if you have a G.I. Joe, you'd better have him well hidden because if I find you with a Joe of any kind, I'll break his neck.”

“Ouch.  I thought you trusted me,” Daniel said, implementing his pouty face just slightly.

Jack chuckled, “I do, but I don't trust Joe, especially if he's in the Army and not the Air Force.”

Daniel mused, “Airman Joe.  Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it?”

“Nope, it would be like Barbie and Ken suddenly being Barbie and Brock.”

“Actually, Jack, Barbie's having an affair.  I've heard it through the grapevine.  Got it straight from Raggedy Ann.  Barbie's going to dump Ken next year, just wait and see.”

Jack sat up violently, shouting, “SHE'S WHAT?”

“Careful, Love.  You'll ... injure my happy place.”

“Oh, sorry.  Do continue,” Jack requested calmly.

“Then hold still.”

“Danny, you are sure that's the water soluble one aren't you?”

“Jack, do you want to hear the end of Elf Jack's and Elf Daniel's story or not?” Daniel asked.

Jack grinned at his lover, the kind of grin that promised all kinds of delectable evil in their future.

“Careful, Babe, or I might just write something about ice hockey being the worst sport in the entire galaxy,” Daniel threatened, grinning as Jack spluttered in indignation.

“You wouldn't?”  After his lover laughed wickedly, Jack grumbled, “Okay, Okay,” his eyes alight at the sight of his lover enjoying himself.  “Tell me what happened to Elf Jack and Elf Daniel.”

Jack was eager to hear the end of the tale Daniel had begun earlier during their playfulness.

Daniel spoke, “They were working at the Secret Gnome Complex, trying to work out a way to overthrow the evil giants.”

“Let me guess -- the giants had glowing eyes?”

“No.”  Daniel laughed at Jack's surprise.  “They were snakes on legs.”

Jack started laughing as he responded, “Danny, this is the most ridiculous story you've ever come up with.”

Daniel pouted, whining, “You moved!”  He looked down at his smudged work, disappointment on his face, until he got an idea and smiled.  Just for that, he began writing furiously.  ~Paybacks.~

Jack looked down, a little worried, and questioned, “Ah, Danny?  Whatcha' writing?”

“That's for me to know and you to find out,” Daniel laughed.  “So Elf Jack was very bad.  He was always breaking rules, but because he was an Irish elf with Irish charm, he always got away with it.  Anyway, one day, Elf Jack didn't watch where he was going, and he walked under a can of special gray paint.  The paint turned his hair all gray.  And Elf Daniel thought it made Elf Jack look even sexier than before.”

“Did he now?”

“Uh-uh.  But the paint had an added bonus.”  Though Jack looked skeptical, Daniel explained, “It killed all the walking snakes.  Elf Jack was just too sexy for them, and they all dropped dead at the sight of him.”

Daniel finished triumphantly as Jack started to laugh again and then questioned, “So, Michelangelo, have you finished?”

“Yep.”  Daniel looked at the marker in his hand.  “Oops.”

“DANIEL!”  Seeing the younger man's mischievous grin, Jack knew he'd been had.  “All right. That calls for a tickling.”

Jack launched himself on Daniel, tickling his lover mercilessly for minutes until Daniel was crying with laughter.  Then he kissed him lovingly, only stopping when lack of oxygen became a problem.

Returning to their previous positions, Jack on his back and Daniel atop him on their bed, Jack asked a bit hesitantly, “So what do I say?”  He looked down at his torso, now covered in cuneiform.  ~Hope it says something good, like d'oh.~

Daniel traced his fingers lovingly over the lines of writing, saying, “This one says 'Jack loves Daniel'; this one says 'Daniel loves Jack'; and this line says 'This body is the property of Daniel Jackson'.”

Jack kissed his lover, agreeing, “It definitely is.”

Daniel smirked, “And this one says that the only home in which the uh ... not-so-little colonel belongs is the one inside Doctor Daniel Jackson.”

Jack raised his eyebrows, responding, “I trust the not-so-little colonel has sole property rights.”

“Definitely.”

“My turn.  Scoot over,” Jack instructed, taking the top position, while Daniel shifted to the bottom.

“You'd better behave yourself, or he'll be very lonesome,” the younger man spoke about the body part in question.

Jack snickered as he prepared his material for application.  He decided to begin his work with a toast from his lover.

“Christen me, Love.”

“Hmmm.  I christen thee, Elf of My Heart,” Daniel declared with a seductive smile.

“Aww.”  Jack leaned in for a kiss.  He winked and then went to work, finding the exact place he wanted on his lover's abdomen.  “This is the perfect spot.”

“Jack, no fish.”

“Would I put a fish on your abs?”

Daniel glared, replying, “With you, I can never know for sure.”

“No fish for you.  You're the bait.”

“Bait?”

“Look how you lured me in.  You flaunted your bait, and I swallowed your hook.”

“I did not lure you anywhere.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn't.”

“Did, too.”

“Did, not.”

“You hooked me.”

“I don't have a hook,” Daniel insisted.

“Sure you do.”

“Do not.”

“Do, too,” Jack retaliated with a playful, if not unwavering tone.

“Where?”

“Here!” Jack said, and then swallowed Daniel's hook, totally surprising the younger man, not that he had any complaints.

“Okay, I'm ... a ... fish ... I mean ... a hook ... oh, gawd.”

Jack laughed as he returned to his work.

Daniel looked up in a mixture of surprise and anguish and shouted, “WHAT DID YOU STOP FOR?”

“Elf Jack has to finish his homework, and stop squirming.  You're making me draw outside the lines.”

Daniel flopped backwards against the pillow, lamenting, “I'm beginning to see why Barbie is thinking about dumping Ken -- all tease and no action.”

Jack laughed, “There's just no loyalty in the toy world anymore.”

“Yes, there is.”

Jack thought.  “You're right.”

“I am?” Daniel asked in surprise.

“Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head are still married.”

“Jack, isn't that about the fifth color you've used?”

“So observant, my little flower.”

“Your what?”

Jack shrugged, saying, “My beautiful, sexy, blooming rosebud.”

“Rosebud?  Like in the movie?”

“Sure.”

“Jack, rosebud was a sled.”

“Don't spoil it.”

“You've seen the movie a hundred times, Jack.”

“Technicality,” the older man claimed.

“It can't be a spoiler if you already know the outcome.”

“Okay, my little Irish rose.”

“I'm not Irish.”

“My little cucumber.”

“I am *not* a cucumber,” Daniel groaned.

“You look like one ... sometimes.”

“I look like a cucumber?  Gee, thanks.”

“There's nothing wrong with being a cucumber, Love,” Jack said as he continued his work.

When Jack chuckled suddenly, Daniel asked, “What?”

“I just remembered a joke I heard some nurses tell once when they thought no one was around.”

“But you were?”

“I'm not trained in Special Ops for nothing.  It's amazing what you can learn listening to the geese, I mean the nurses gossiping.”

“Do I want to hear this joke?”

“Probably not, but I'll tell you anyway.”  Jack cleared his throat.  “Why is a cucumber better than a man?”

“Why?”

“Because it doesn't make you sleep on the wet spot.”

“Ha ha.  Gawd.”

“Don't blame me.  It's those women.”

Daniel laughed, “Well, one thing I know for sure ...”

“What's that, Love?” Jack asked, still working on his project.

“There's nothing wrong with this cucumber anyway,” Daniel smirked, giving Jack's erection a gentle massage.

Jack moaned in pleasure, calling out, “Gawd, Danny.  HEY!  Why have you stopped?”

“Elf Jack hasn't finished his homework.  And until he does, he can't have his reward.”

“Slave driver.”  Jack bent down and continued to draw.  As he touched a ticklish spot on Daniel's abdomen, the archaeologist squirmed a little and tried to suppress a giggle.  “You moved!”

“Sorry.”

“You're not,” Jack claimed.

“Am, too.”

“Not.”

“Am.”

“Not.”

“Whatcha' going to do about it, Flyboy?” the archaeologist challenged.

“This,” Jack said, and then began to tickle Daniel in earnest until the linguist was begging for mercy.

“No ... no more.  I'll be good.  I promise,” Daniel choked out between giggles.

“You'd better be,” Jack told him with mock firmness, instantly ruining the effect by giving his lover a long passionate kiss before returning to his work of art.  “Okay, one last touch.  Done,” Jack stated as he admired his handiwork.

~Gawd!~  Daniel looked down and suppressed a laugh so that he could try and look indignant.  “You drew porn on my abs!”

“It's not porn.  It's art.”

“Well, you know what they say about art imitating life.”

Jack didn't try hard to hide his smug expression, asking, “Why do you think I drew it?  But first, there's a hook here that needs to catch a fish.”  That said, he moved down and swiftly swallowed Daniel to the root.  He sucked happily, listening to Daniel's moans of pleasure.  “Gawd.  Good fishy.  Niiiiiiiice fishy.  Love fishy.”

It wasn't long before Elf Jack gained his reward and swallowed every drop Elf Daniel had to offer.  He happily moved up to kiss his satiated lover.

“I think the fish caught the fisherman,” Jack said as he grinned at the look of utter contentment on Daniel's face.

Daniel laughed and caressed Jack's cheeks, responding, “This fish can catch this fisherman anytime.”  The two kissed again.  “You know, Colonel.  I think its high time that the not-so-little colonel went home.  It's way past his bedtime.”

“I think you might be right.  Can't have him up past his bedtime.”  Jack leaned in for a wet kiss, laying a trail of kisses all along his lover's chest afterwards.  ~I do love him.~

“Actually, Love, being *up* is a good thing in this particular situation,” Daniel pointed out.

“You have a point there.  Let me rephrase.  Can't have him out of bed when he's ... up,” Jack stated and then winked at his life partner.

Daniel chuckled, “Definitely not.  Little Colonels need to be in their beds nice and early.”

“Shall we get his bed ready?”

“What a good idea.  I always knew you had a brain, Love,” Daniel teased.

Daniel moaned as he felt Jack slip one finger inside him and said, “Hmmm, can't wait for the Little Colonel to slide under the covers.”

“Bed isn't quite ready yet.”

Jack slipped another finger in.

Daniel began squirming and thrusting down on Jack's fingers, insisting, “Bed is so ready, and if the Little Colonel doesn't get in in the next few seconds, he's going to be one sorry Little Colonel.”

“Can't have that.”  Jack removed his fingers and slid inside his lover.  Daniel immediately wrapped his legs around Jack's waist pulling him even closer.  They both moaned in pleasure at the sensation of their union.  “Love you, Danny.”  He slowly began thrusting.  “Nice bed.  Warm.  Just the right ... size,” he gasped as his breathing became more rapid.

“Love ... my ... Silver Fox.”

Daniel lost all power of speech as Jack continuously hit his prostate.

“Love ... my ... Space ... Monkey,” Jack panted as he reached his completion, his release filling Daniel.  Jack lingered inside his lover.  “The Little Colonel loves his bed -- doesn't want to leave.”

“Mmm.  He can stay forever.”

“Geez, I wish.”

After a few more moments, Jack withdrew.

“Mmm.  Bed.  Fish.  Lots.”

Jack laughed, ~Okay, I think that means I can bed this cute little fishy of mine a lot.~

====

A while later, when the couple had come down from the blissful aftermath, Jack panicked, thinking loudly, ~He's going to kill me.~

“Jack, I heard that.”

~Oh, crap.~

“I heard that, too.  Why am I going to kill you?”

Jack attempted to move out of Daniel's embrace, but suddenly, the young man's grip tightened dramatically.

“Oh, no you don't, Mister Fisherman.  Now, answer the question.”  Seeing Jack squirm, Daniel called out demandingly, “Jack?”

The older man coughed, “Well, Danny, I think my art work is ... very good, don't you?”

“I would agree that it accurately represents the ... body parts pictured, yes.  Why?”

Jack gulped.  He really didn't want to explain.  He could feel Daniel's anxiety growing, however, and knew that sooner or later, he'd have to fess up.  He took a breath.

“Angel?”

“Jack?” Daniel's voice contained a warning.

“I grabbed the wrong ... ones.”

Daniel's eyes suddenly widened as he questioned, “Wrong what?”

Jack laughed nervously, “I used the permanent markers.”

Daniel shot up, knocking his lover off the bed.  He started to run to the bathroom, but seeing his image in the mirror, he stopped cold in his tracks.

“YOU ARE SO DEAD, O'NEILL!”

Daniel turned around, his eyes dark, but it wasn't from lust any longer.

“Danny!  Angel!  We'll get it off!

“WE HAVE TO GO TO THE FREAKIN' SGC IN TWO HOURS.  TWO FREAKIN' HOURS, JACK!”

“Love, it's not like ...”

“FOUR OTHER TEAMS ARE SCHEDULED TO GO OUT WITHIN AN HOUR OF US.  DON'T YOU THINK SOME OF THEM ARE GOING TO BE IN THE LOCKER ROOM?”

“Danny.”

“YOU ARE SO DEAD.”

Daniel lunged towards Jack, but the older man was able to deflect his partner onto the bed.  He ran down the stairs, desperately trying to figure out where to go for shelter.  He hesitated too long.  When he turned, Daniel was within two feet.

The younger man threw a regular size bath towel around Jack as he pushed him backwards onto the sofa.

“You are *so* in trouble.  HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS?  HUH?  COME ON, SMART GUY?”

“But, Angel ...”

“Don't 'Angel' me!”  Daniel continued to try and keep Jack pinned, but Jack used the only peaceful tactic he knew ... his fingers, once again reaching around and tickling Daniel.  “I ... AM ... SO ... GOING ... TO ... WRING ... YOUR ... NECK, ... O'NEILL!” he said between involuntary giggles.

“You'll have to catch me first.”

Jack was able to slip out from his laughing lover, running outside, failing to remember that he was completely naked except for the towel.

Daniel gave chase.  As he followed, he shut the patio door, intending to delay the speed with which his target could go back inside.

Jack stood in the middle of the lawn.  He looked like a wrestler, trying to predict the next move of his opponent.

Daniel smiled.  He remembered that when he had come into the house earlier at the beginning of their impromptu art session that he hadn't turned off the water at the faucet.  Quickly, he grabbed the hose, pointed the nozzle, and squirted Jack with a light, but moderately forceful blast of water.

Jack put his hands up as a shield and reminded, “Paybacks, Daniel.”

“Yeahsureyabetcha,” Daniel said as he intentionally channeled one of Jack's favorite lines.

“I'll get you, my pretty,” Jack said, imitating the Wicked Witch of the West from “The Wizard of Oz.”  He steeled himself against the water, prepared to endure whatever he had to in order to get to his lover.  ~He doesn't stand a chance.~

Daniel suddenly realized he was in jeopardy.  He dropped the hose and began to run, soon surprised by the endurance and agility Jack was exhibiting during this playtime.  The young man decided to make a stab for the house.  He ran to the patio to slide open the door.

“Oops!” the archaeologist exclaimed softly.

“Daniel?”

Daniel laughed nervously, revealing, “It's ... locked.”

This time it was Jack's eyes that widened in stunned horror as he shouted, “PAYBACKS, DANIEL, AND THEY BEGIN NOW!”

“Hey, you're the Special Ops colonel!  A locked patio door shouldn't be much of a challenge for you.”

“I'm trained to kill people, Daniel, not open patio doors.”

That wasn't the total truth, of course, but Jack wanted his soulmate to suffer a little, then he'd open the door -- maybe.

“Look, the kitchen window is open.  You could climb inside,” Daniel suggested.

“Me?  I could climb inside?  You're the monkey in this relationship, Dannyboy.”

“I'm not the one who used permanent markers.”

“Okay, okay.  Let's not quibble about who's right or wrong.”  Jack decided to ignore the snort that came from Daniel's direction at that and concentrated on looking both pathetic and reasonable.  “But Love, I have bad knees.  You wouldn't want me to dislocate my joints would you?”  As the younger man looked as if he was thinking hard about that, he begged, “Danny!”

“I guess not.  So you'd rather I injured myself instead?”

Daniel was quite pleased with himself for coming up with that response.  Guilt always worked with Jack -- usually.

“You're young -- a youthful beauty, my sultry Angel.”  Daniel's eyes started to narrow so Jack changed his game plan.  “And you're a very skilled wriggler,” Jack winked, “climber, and ever so talented at everything you do.  You're ... agile, My Love.”

“You are so full of crap, O'Neill.”

“No, I'm full of love for a certain currently annoyed, but very loved and worshipped archaeologist.”

“Fine.  I'll climb in the window, and you can start thinking up stories to tell everyone at the SGC to explain away the gay porn on my chest!”

Daniel looked down at his chest, and suddenly realized he'd run into the backyard naked.  In his haste to get Jack, he'd forgotten to put a towel around himself.

“Give me that!” Daniel demanded as he grabbed the towel from around Jack and wrapped it firmly around himself.

“HEY!” Jack objected loudly.

“Shhhh.  People will look.”

“Daniel, give me back that towel.”

“You don't really want people to ogle me, do you?  Remember Mr. Jealousy,” Daniel teased, his eyes sparkling with that quip.

“DANIEL!”

“I'm sure you don't.”

“Right!”

Jack launched himself at Daniel and began tickling the younger man.  Tickling assaults seemed to be his only way of getting anywhere with his lover on this day.  They rolled around on the lawn as the assault continued.

“No ... No ... Enough,” the younger man pleaded.

“Colonel O'Neill, are you home?  There wasn't any answer at the front door, so I ... oh ... oh, my ... oh my goodness!”

~Wha....wha...oh, gawd.~  Daniel looked up, a look of sheer terror on his face.  Quickly, he stood up, shocked when he realized that the towel had stayed with Jack.  “GIVE ME THAT!”

“NO, IT'S MINE.”

“IT IS NOT!”

“IS ... oops!”  As Daniel pulled on the towel, it ripped in two, and the force from his tug was so strong that his half went flying, landing on the edge of the roof.  ~Gawd.~

Jack briefly laughed, until Daniel pulled the other half of the towel away from him.

Daniel placed the scrap of towel in front of him.  Unfortunately, it wouldn't wrap around him at all.

~Crap, my half was more like two-thirds,~ the archaeologist thought.  He turned crimson red.  Though his lower half was somewhat shielded, their visitor had already seen it all.  Plus, there was no logical, reasonable explanation for the two men to be in the condition they were currently in.  ~I'm not here.  It's a ... a dream; yeah, that's it.~

Jack lay on the grass totally still, thinking, ~Okay, I've been in worse situations. I've fought the Goa'uld.  I've been tortured in prisons.  Yep, I've been in worse.~  He stood up, as if at attention.  ~Suck it up, O'Neill.  Stand tall.  Stand proud.  If you got it, flaunt it ... even if she is a nun.~  Jack stood, a big, bright smile on his face.  He made no effort to move.  “Sister Conchetta.  I wasn't expecting you.  How are you today?”

As soon as Jack was standing upright, Daniel scurried behind him, burying his face in the back of his lover's shoulder.

**Coward.**

**Shut up, O'Neill.  This is all your fault.**

**I'm not the one who locked the patio door, Daniel.**

**No, you're the one who used PERMANENT MARKERS TO DRAW PORN ON MY CHEST!**

Jack suddenly began paying attention to Sister Conchetta.  She might be a nun, but she seemed awfully eager to get a look at Daniel.  He couldn't blame her, of course, but Daniel was his!

The nun laughed, “You boys always seem to be getting into ... mischief ... and I thought I'd already seen your best ... goods.”  Looking around Jack.  “I see I was wrong.  Definitely wrong.”

~Hey!~  Jack could swear she had a twinkle in her eye, and she was still straining to see Daniel's ... assets.  He moved to his left slightly, trying to block her view.  ~Those assets are all mine, Sister.~

Daniel, meanwhile, was turning beet red from the embarrassment.

“I thought you two boys had to work today?” the nun finally asked.

“We do.”

What was almost a wail came from behind Jack, and Sister Conchetta couldn't hold back her laughter.  Jack waited patiently for her mirth to pass, then he felt something wet on his shoulder, and the laughing nun was forgotten.

“Danny?” Jack asked.  He turned around and was horrified to see tears trickling down Daniel's cheeks and pulled him into a fierce hug.  “Oh, Danny.  I'm sorry.  It's okay, I love you.”

“I'm sorry, too, Daniel.”

Daniel's tears effectively sobered the nun up.  She did the only thing she could.  She removed her nun's habit and handed it to Daniel.  It provided a bit more cover than the towel remnant.

“Thank you,” mouthed Jack.  Then he realized that Daniel was trying to say something.  “What was that?”

“I think I'm allergic to the markers.  It's starting to burn and itch.” Daniel thumped Jack.  “And it's porn, Jack.  I can't go see Janet!”

Jack looked helplessly at the nun.

The woman tried hard not to laugh again and requested, “Hold on, Boys.  I'll be right back.”

“You are so dead, O'Neill,” Daniel said with force, though softly.

“Danny, I'm sorry.  I just wasn't paying attention.”

“Right.”

Jack enveloped his lover with a hug, saying, “I love you, you know.”

“Funny way to show it.”

“Oh, come on.  We were having fun, and we'd still be having fun if you hadn't locked the patio door.”

“I didn't lock it.  It locked on its own.”

“The point is ... it's locked, and we're both standing here buck naked waiting for a nun!”

“Oh gawd.  Don't remind me.”

“Here you go, Boys.  These should fit ... a bit ... tight, but they should ... fit.”  The nun looked around at Daniel.  “Or ... maybe not.”

“Oh gawd,” Daniel said again, wishing he could shrink into the lawn.

The two men put on the T-shirts the nun had given them.

“These were left over from the rummage sale we had last week.  I don't know why, but no one wanted them.”

The super thin tees barely covered their chests.  When Jack looked at Daniel's tee, he began to laugh, until he saw Daniel break out in a lustful laughter at the T-shirt Jack was wearing.

“Sorry, Boys.  It's all I had.  No boxers, though.”

As he straightened up, Daniel caught sight of Sister Conchetta's watch and observed, “Jack, we have to be at the Mountain in less than an hour.”

“Okay.  Time for emergency action,” the colonel declared.

**You better not suggest we go the SGC like this.**

**Well, you are sexy, Danny.**

**Do you really want me walking around the SGC wearing nothing but this T-shirt?**

Jack looked at the sight of Daniel in the tight-fitting T-shirt.  He loved the truth of the saying imprinted on it:  “Genius at Work.”  Underneath that was a picture of the Energizer Bunny, and then under the photo it said, “And he keeps going on and on and on.”

Jack had to look away before a certain part of his anatomy embarrassed him even more in front of the nun.

**Okay, Danny, but can we keep the T-shirt for home use?**

**Only if we get to keep yours, too.**

Jack looked down at the logo on the front of his T-shirt.  His said “Bottoms Up ... And it feels so good, too!”

Jack chuckled, then looked at Daniel again as he communicated, **Okay.  We'll keep them both.**

**Now that we've got that settled, what in Netu are we going to do, Jack?  I am not going to the SGC naked and with porn on my chest.**

**Don't worry, Angel.  I'm, uh, sure I can break into the house.**

**You don't sound sure.**

“Trust me.”

“Excuse me?” the nun asked.

“Sorry, Sister,” Jack responded.  “Just thinking out loud.”

**I did trust you, Jack, and look where that got me.**  Daniel looked at his lover, and suddenly he smiled.  It was a huge smile.  All the anger had gone.

**Angel?**

**Trusting you, loving you, has gotten me into some of the craziest situations, doing ridiculously crazy things, things I never could have imagined.  And ... I'm happier than I could ever have imagined, too.  Gawd, this is insane, but ... it's crazy fun insane.**

The nun watched as the two still half-naked men smiled at each other.  Their eyes were sparkling, and their faces shone with love.

**Me too, Babe -- totally crazy and totally happy.**  Jack grinned at Daniel and then set to work on opening the patio door.  “Got it.  Excuse us for a few minutes, Sister.”

The Sister nodded as the two lovers hurried upstairs.  Jack was ahead of Daniel who was just two steps behind, and when Jack stopped suddenly at the doorway, Daniel bumped into him.  They laughed as their hands began to touch each other's body.

“Danny, I love you so friggin' much.”

“I know.  I love you, too.”

The two shared a lingering kiss.  Daniel sighed when they finished.  He wanted more, but they were running out of time.

“We need to put some clothes on and see what the Sister needs, and then we need to take a quick shower and get to the SGC.”

“Jack ...” Daniel was still lamenting over the permanent markers, but there was nothing he could do at this point.  “How are we going to face the Sister?”

“Hold your head up high.”

“I'm so embarrassed.”

“It could have been worse, Love.”

“How?”

“It could have been Carter ... or Hammond.”

“Oh, gawd.”

====

After Jack and Daniel put on their sweatsuits, they returned downstairs to deal with Sister Conchetta.

“Much more respectable,” the nun said, still grinning at her hosts as each of them blushed.

“What can we do for you, Sister?” Jack asked as he sat down on the sofa, his arm around Daniel.

“The convent is having a fundraiser for the orphanage on the twelfth, and we're a little shorthanded.  I wanted to ask if you boys would help out at one of the stalls?”

The two men looked at each other, giving tiny nods, and then Jack answered, “Sure, as long as we don't get called out to work, we'll be there.”

“Excellent.  I won't keep you seeing as you have to get to work.”  The Sister headed for the door.  “By the way, you will come dressed, won't you?”

“Ha ha.  You're a riot,” Jack quipped as he ushered the laughing nun out the door.  Turning around quickly, he swept his embarrassed lover into a firm embrace.  “Love you, My Porn Star.”

“You are still in trouble, O'Neill.  We would have been goners if it were almost anyone else.”

The two began to climb the stairs for their showers.

“See, it's a good thing we made out at that rummage sale last year.”

“Good thing?” Daniel echoed in surprise.  “Jack, you seduced me underneath the table in the storage tent.”

“You didn't exactly fight me off.”

“You were ... sexy and ... cute,” Daniel admitted softly, “and we ... hadn't in a few days because of our missions.”

Jack laughed, “You loved every minute of it.  It was risky.”

“We got caught, Jack.”

“Only because you screamed my name.”

Jack was beaming with pride at the remembrance.  Normally, they were both great at making love in strange places, and yet doing it quietly, but on that day, Daniel lost it for a moment.  He had cried out, “OH, GAWD, JACK - YES, THERE!” right when Sister Conchetta had entered the storage tent to retrieve some items.

“I thought I was going to die.”

“It was pretty funny, but I tell ya, Danny, if we don't get going, it is going to *not* be funny.  Hammond is going to skin us alive if we are late today.”

“Jack?”  Daniel sighed, “What am I going to say?”

Jack grinned.  His grin was huge.

“What's so funny?” Daniel asked.

“Danny, Love?”

“Yes?”

“April Fools!”

“What?”

“I lied.  It's April first!” Jack reminded as he turned towards the shower, laughing.

“YOU ARE SO DEAD, O'NEILL!”  Daniel started to give chase, but then, seeing a bag on the chair, he smiled.  ~Paybacks, Jack.  Paybacks.~

====

The two showered, kissing and touching, but not having time to do much than say “hi” with their bodies, and then they dressed and headed downstairs.  When Jack wasn't looking, Daniel grabbed the bag that had been on the chair.  He walked outside, ahead of Jack.

~Timing is everything,~ the archaeologist opined.

They were each taking their own vehicles today since Daniel had a couple of errands to run when they returned from their mission.  Daniel unlocked his car with his remote right before they reached Jack's truck.

“See you at the Mountain, Danny,” Jack stated.

“Hey, Babe,” Daniel called out, turning around and approaching his lover innocently.

“Mmm?”

“Happy April Fools Day!”

Daniel took the large size bottle of perfume they had purchased for Sam as a gift for Easter and poured the entire bottle on Jack, the liquid running down his cheeks, neck, and torso.

“Danny, what the ...”

Jack had no time to respond.  Daniel had drained the bottle all over his body, splashing some on his lover's clothes.  They were already running late, and Daniel knew Jack couldn't change and still be on time.

Daniel ran to his car, hopped in, and took off, a large devilish grin being the last thing Jack saw as the young man sped away.  Jack stood there, nodding.  He didn't have a choice.  There was no way he was going to be able to remove the scent and still make it to the SGC on time.

~You are so ... cute, Danny,~ Jack laughed.  For Jack and Daniel, life in Colorado Springs was always full of the unexpected.  “Geez, I love you,” the colonel chuckled as he got into his truck.  He'd be getting lots of funny looks and glances for a while, but that was okay.  “Paybacks, my Love.  Paybacks!

~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~
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