Frozen in Time
Category: Pre-Slash, POV - Daniel, Angst, Missing Scene
Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D
Season: 2 - during Serpent's Lair
Spoilers: Children of the Gods, Enemy Within, The Nox, Torment of Tanalus, Solitudes, Politics, Serpent's Lair
Size: 12kb, short story
Written: November 3,5-6, 2003
Archive: Area52, Comfort Zone, FanFiction.Net, Cartouche, AlphaGate, TheBoy
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. This was a whim; all in fun. I don't have anything to do with them legally!
Summary: By request -- Sequel to Faith of the Innocent, this is Daniel's realization that he is in love with Jack O'Neill!
Notes: Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: Drdjlover, Starshadow!
Frozen in Time
Gawd. I'm going to die. I feel it. The Jaffa blast is burning through me. I'm on fire, drifting. Jack, where are you? I need to say goodbye.
There you are. Oh gawd. Your eyes, staring at me, into me. I'm sorry, Jack. I tried to cover your six. You need to go. I say it, my voice squeaking.
“I'm dead anyway. Just get outta here!”
My Jack ... he won't go. Listen to him, so stubborn. That's My Jack ... fight me to the ...
What did I say? Sorry ... it's just, you're my best friend. Thank you for being my friend, Jack. I ... appreciate it ... a lot! Never had a best friend ... until you.
“I am not leaving you here, Daniel.”
No, Jack. You have to. It's too late. Please don't let it all be for nothing. Gawd, this hurts. You have to go, Jack.
“Get outta here! You're just gonna blow up with the other ship
anyway! What difference does it make? Go! Just go! I'll stay and
watch your back.“
Gawd. His eyes. Oh ... his hand ... it's ... Jack? I know you love me. I've known that since you and Sam were lost in Antarctica. But ... I love ... I love ...
Your hand is against my cheek. I can't look away. It's like our eyes are locked together. You have the most wonderful chocolate brown eyes, Jack. They've always made me feel so safe and secure.
I'm ... shivering, but I'm not cold. It's ... gawd, your touch ... your hand on my face. Don't take it away. It feels strangely comforting to me. Why is that? I mean ... I feel a chill from your touch, but my soul feels warm ... Jack, I'm confused.
This isn't ... friendship. It's not like all those times you've patted me on the back or put your arm around me. I don't understand. I feel so ... strange. Your touch ... it comforts me in a way I've never felt before. I don't ... why do I feel like this?
Jack. I remember the first time I saw you. You looked at me with contempt. I was the long-haired geek you wanted no part of.
On Abydos, I stared into your eyes when I walked down the slope, a staff weapon in my hands. Ra wanted me to kill you. But your eyes. They spoke to me. I couldn't kill you, Jack. I could never ... hurt you.
Do you remember when we came back to Earth ... how you found me that night in the hallway at the SGC? Do you have any idea how alone I felt? I was ... gawd, Jack, I was so scared. I had no one and nothing.
But you ... you saved me. You took me home, gave me a room, even let me wear your clothes. You fought for me to be on your team. Me, the geek ... a member of SG-1.
You took me shopping. Goodness, you've Mother Henned me to death. You're always making sure I eat and sleep. Worse, you make me talk ... not about artifacts but about ... feelings. I ... I've cried in your arms, Jack ... and I guess ... what's even more surprising, you've cried in mine.
When did that happen? When did we go from the soldier and the geek to best friends? It didn't take long. Maybe it was on Abydos the first time.
I ... I missed you, Jack. You don't know how hard it was to let you go.
Let you go? I ... I don't understand what I'm thinking now. Your hand is so warm against my skin. I feel ... loved ... the love you have for me ... I ... feel it. I'm dying, but I feel so funny. Don't move your hand, Jack. Not yet.
Jack, do you remember when we went shopping for clothes? I thought you were crazy. I had no money yet. To the world, I was still dead.
I just wanted a couple of shirts and pants, some socks and underwear ... the basics. But you ... how much did you spend that day? And ... you know something, you never let me pay you back. You always ... evade the issue somehow, distract me.
You bought me an entire wardrobe, though I insisted on my favorites, plaids, which drove you crazy. Geez, you growled at me, but ... they're my clothes. They're what I like to wear.
Except ... do you know what my favorite clothing item is? It's the brown coat ... your coat. I still have it. You told me to keep it.
I wore that coat like a warm blanket all winter. Wanna know something funny, Jack? Even during the summer, alone in my apartment, sometimes ... sometimes I'd take it out and put it over my shoulders. It ... made me feel ... safe ... like you do, Jack.
Oh gawd ... Jack ... what's happening to me? I love Sha're. She's my wife. But ... my heart ... it hurts so much. No, not from dying ... from leaving you.
I don't want to leave you. I don't understand this, Jack. Help me ... help me to understand before you go. Look in my eyes. Make me understand. What is it I'm feeling?
We've been through so much, Jack. You were so in love with Sara. We spent hours on your roof talking about her, and sometimes, I could even get you to talk about Charlie. Please don't feel guilty about Charlie, Love.
What did I just say? I mean ... I don't know what I mean. But ... it was an accident, Jack. You need to realize that and move on.
I remember when Kawalsky died. That hit you hard. He was a nice guy. He was your best friend. Funny. You named your son after him, and he never even knew it.
Jack? How could I be your best friend? I'm nothing like Kawalsky. Geez, I'm nothing like you. We're ... different, Jack. Everything about us separates us, and yet ... the hammer - Thor's Hammer. You told Sam I was your best friend. I knew you were mine. I think ... you were mine the minute you found me in the hallway that night.
No one ... no one's ever cared what happened to me before ... except for Sha're. But ... you ... you care.
Gawd Jack. I'm dying, but my heart suddenly feels alive. Remember the Nox, Jack? We got so drunk that night. They're good people ... or aliens ... whatever. But we both lamented our ... youth. The young do not always do what they are told. We're young ... so young. I'll bet General Hammond wishes we were older. Gawd, if I could laugh, I would. Jack. Too young to die, Jack.
I'm tired now. I wish I could stare into your eyes forever. Heaven help me, I don't want to lose ... leave you. Jack? Jack? What am I feeling? Why did my heart suddenly beat more vibrantly than ever before when you touched me? And why now is it shattering into pieces knowing I'll never see you again?
I remember when I found out that you loved me. It scared me, but I needed your friendship more than I feared your love, so I ... I ignored it. You promised me you wouldn't hurt me ... no pressure, and ... you've kept your word. You've been my friend ... my best friend.
Hockey. I hate hockey, Jack. But you love it, so I ... I have to pay attention. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't try to understand what you love so much? Pizza. I can take it or leave it. It's ... tolerable ... but you love it ... so ... I do, too.
Now Chinese ... that's good food. I've noticed that lately we seem to be having as many meals with chow mein as we do with sausage and pepperoni. Humoring me, Jack? You ... can't breathe ... wait ... don't go yet. Just ... I just need a minute.
You said you wanted to go to museums ... and we have. You've even behaved, too ... most of the time, except when you ... oh, Jack, remember how you stood in the middle of the exhibit and started to pantomime being a Pharaoh? Geez, I wanted to kill you except ... I was laughing too hard.
Mission briefings. You look so bored ... but why is it later, when we're alone, you can relay to me every word I spoke? Why is it when I mention a need for something in my office, or from Hammond, it's suddenly there?
It's you, isn't it, Jack? You're ... loving me. Chinese, exhibits, listening ... look at you, looking at me. You don't want to leave me. You wouldn't go if I didn't make you.
Jack ... oh Jack ... no one has ever cared about me the way you do, so completely, so much so that they'd ... drag me away kicking and screaming like you do sometimes if I'm not eating.
I'm not a child, Jack ... but ... oh ... no ... I can't ... but ... I ... I like it, Jack. Don't tell anyone, okay? Please ... hard to swallow now ... don't tell anyone I like it that you want to take care of me. I can take of myself. I proved that. I ... I've watched your six, your sweet six. Jack ... I'm drifting again.
I like that you make me take care of myself, that I matter. I've never mattered before ... not like this.
I wish I could touch you the same way your hand is touching me now. You're so handsome, Jack. Do you know that? Do you see the women on the base watching your six? Heaven help me, I've ... noticed ... and you know something, Jack? I ... oh gawd, I don't like it.
I think Sam has a crush on you. And you know what? I don't like that either. So handsome ... sexy, so sexy ... gawd, I'm not supposed to think of you like this; it's ... I hate labels. Is it wrong? Don't want to think about it now.
Your smile. When you do that Irish accent sometimes, being silly, and you grin ... that big, wide, beautiful grin ... I melt, Jack.
And ... and ... oh geez, that meeting with Kinsey. You wore your dress blues. If I hadn't been so angry about Kinsey, I think I might have died then. You're so tall and strong ... debonair even. My handsome Jack.
My Jack. If you love me, and I ... can I call you mine? Are you mine?
Sha're. No, it's ... different. What I feel for you is so different from her. I love her ... don't I? How can I feel like this about you and love her, too?
Too? Jack? I wish I had the brown jacket to keep me warm now. I'm getting colder, Jack. It's time for you to go, to finish the mission.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't realize sooner. I don't care about labels or rules. Do you know that? That it doesn't matter to me? I ... I wouldn't know what to do because I've never felt this way about another man before. Actually, I've never felt this way about another person before ... never.
Your strength ... your laugh ... voice ... oh gawd how you keep me grounded. I'm sorry, Jack. I ... I love you, but I can't tell you. If I did, you wouldn't leave me ... and then you'd die here, with me. You were going to die with me on Tantalus, and that was before even you knew.
Tantalus. I was going to stay, but your eyes. They told me you wouldn't leave me. I couldn't let you die, just like I can't now.
Go, Jack. Live. Be safe. Remember me ... I'll always be grateful. I'll watch your six. Go, Love. I'll remember your touch against my face.
Jack? Thank you for loving me ... for protecting me, for the Friday night ritual, for making me smile when I never thought I'd smile again, for banging away at my door during those times I thought I wanted to hide. How'd you know that all I really wanted was for you to find me?
I did, didn't I? I did.
One more look. One more feel of your hand against my cheek. One more moment to look in your eyes.
Go now. Save Earth. Remember. Jack? I ... I love you with all my heart. I love you ... gawd, I love you!
Gawd. I'm ... so cold now. Alone. He's ... gone. Goodbye, Jack.
I'll just close my eyes and die here, against the wall, remembering ... remembering ...
Jack? I miss your hand on my face. It kept me warm, gave me life even though I'm dying.
I want to see you again. Why? Why did I figure it out now? Why not sooner, when we could have had some time together?
No, that would have been worse. Charlie. You almost died when he did. You ... love me. It would have been worse if I ... if we ... and then I died.
Jack? Your eyes. Your expression. Gawd, no, Jack. You wouldn't? Jack, I need to see your eyes again. I need to know you'll be safe. I ... I'm watching your six. It needs to mean something. Jack? No, Jack, no. Tell me what I saw in your eyes is wrong, that what I feel in my soul is wrong. Tell me, Jack. Please, tell me.
You wouldn't ... please ... no. I can't let you. How? Need to find a way. I want you, Jack. Gawd, it's not just for you, but I ... I need to feel you again. Please. There must a way, but here I am on this ship in some Goa'uld nightmare, trapped ... Goa'uld ... nightmare ... sleep ... Goa'uld ...
Sarcophagus. Klorel. Gawd, have to find it. Move body. I can do this. Floor ... smooth. I have to do this. Have to get to Jack.
Jack ... gawd, Jack. Need Jack. Save Jack. Want Jack. Cold ... floor is so cold. Wait for me, Jack. My Jack. My ... Love. Be safe ... don't ... no ... need you, Jack ... sarcophagus ... have to get there. Pain. Hurts. Can't stop. Jack. Think about Jack, not the pain. It's so far away. Go ... move body ... find Jack somehow.
Oh gawd. It's there. Help me, please. I need to get up. Jack. Love you so much. Want to feel your hand on me again. I want to feel you, Jack.
Hurts. Pain ... never felt so much pain before. Press the button. Oh, I'm so weak. Mind is drifting. Jack ... love you. Wait for me, My Love.
It's closing. Please help me. Jack ... if I die, I die loving you so much. I want you. Gawd, need you. Want you to live. Jack, I love you.
“SG1, there's someone who'd like to see you.“
The world has stopped. I'm sure of it. I heard the General's voice, but everything is a blur. My heart refuses to beat, too afraid I've waited too long! I'm hiding behind the Marines. Please, I don't want to move. I'm too afraid. Gawd, Jack. Have I waited too long?
I made it off the ship alive! It's a miracle. By a hair, I dialed the Alpha Site and made it off the Mother Ship before it exploded. Then I dialed home and again, I went through the Stargate and touched the ramp I've walked so many times before, usually with you at my side.
“Where's the rest of SG-1?”
That is the question the General had asked when he saw me. And then it hit, the overwhelming sensation that I just saved myself ... saved myself for you, Jack ... but you were still out there.
Jack ... My Jack. I needed to feel you ... your touch. Your hand had been so strong, so warm. It filled me with love ... your love.
I'm alive because of you, only for you. You filled my soul. Your spirit made my heart swell with desire. I crawled to the sarcophagus for you, because of you, in hope of you.
They're moving ... making way for me. They know I'm here, but you don't. My Jack. Are you My Jack? I wish you could feel me. I'm scared, Jack. I don't think I've ever felt like this before. In a single instant, you've change my whole life. One touch, and everything has flip flopped.
Would you think I'm strange if I told you that when I returned to the SGC, I went to your office because I needed to be near you? I'm not quite as naive as they think; the geek knows a thing or two about access cards. Your office ... it's full of your scent. Gawd, I know what that scent is. I've always known when you were near me. I could sense you -- your essence, your aura -- surrounding me.
There, on the coat rack, was one of your jackets, a black leather one. I held it tight to my face, closing my eyes to feel you, to smell your aroma. My Jack. Gawd, I want you! It scared me to want you so much.
When did that happen ... that I would want my best friend so desperately in a way that is so not platonic? When did you steal my heart, My Love?
Was it on the ship ... when your hand touched my face? It was an eternity and yet, it was only an eclipse. My Jack ... that's when you became ... My Jack. I'm sure of it. I have to be. I'll ... gawd, what will I do if I'm wrong?
Now, as I stand here, behind the Marines of the SGC, behind the civilian staffers like me, I'm trembling. You're alive. Thank the heavenly powers that be ... My Jack is alive, but you still don't know that I am ... that my soul aches for you ... that as much as I want you to be My Jack, I want to be your Daniel.
Gawd, Jack. How will you feel when you see me? You're standing there ... just standing ... playing the game, being brave.
You are ... being brave, aren't you? Jack? What if? Oh gawd, what if you don't love me anymore? What if I waited too long? No, please no.
I love you, Jack. Please ... tell me it's a game, that you're just ... playing at being the happy victor, returned from the great battle.
Oh Jack ... what if I saved myself for nothing? I'll die, Jack. I'll leave. I can't stay here now. I'm not ... I'm just ... I'm not as strong as you are. I can't love you and know you don't love me ... not even to save Sha're.
But you promised you'd find her. You don't really need me for that.
You thanked Bra'tac. You've been smiling for the troops. Have you mourned me at all? Gawd, I'm wrong, aren't I? It's too late. Too late.
But your touch. I felt your love. I did ... I know it. Your eyes ... they melted my heart. You said you loved me. I heard you through your eyes. Didn't I? Please, Jack ... I love you so much ... and I only just realized I love you. I can't lose you before I have you.
I'm so scared, Jack. I've never been this scared before. Gawd, I love you.
“SG1, there's someone who'd like to see you.“
I can't breathe. The General has stepped aside. The Marines shuffled away, creating space for me to walk through. Oh help me ... I'm afraid to see your face now but ... I have to see ... please ... please let me see ... love.
I hold my breath and walk to you. I see no one but you, Jack. I know there are others all around me, but Jack ... gawd, you're handsome. You're strong and brave and all the good things people are supposed to be.
You have the best smile, Jack. When you do that silly Irish grin, you melt my heart. Oh, Jack, smile for me now!
You said you loved me, but now ... now I'm unsure. What if ... what if you're not glad ... what if ... I can't breathe. What if you don't care that I'm alive?
But look at you, looking at me. Oh ... that smile. It's such a big smile and ... it's ... for me? Jack?
Your eyes ... they're penetrating my soul. I stand and stare ... I'm lost in your eyes. I love you, Jack. I lived for you. Do you still love me? Did I wait too long? Tell me. I need to know. I still can't breathe. I can't move until you tell me.
Wha...what are you doing? Gawd, he's ... you're hugging me. We're in the middle of the SGC and you're ... oh you feel so good. Don't let go. I don't want you to let go. Hold me ... hold me!
I close my eyes. I want this moment to last forever. You love me. It's not too late. We have another chance. I know that now.
Your arms. So warm. So tender. Holding me, making me feel ... wanted ... needed ... loved.
Oh Jack ... My Jack ... You are My Jack, My Love. Your eyes didn't lie to me. Now what, Jack? I don't know how to tell you. I'm frightened and yet ... your hands so gently holding me to you. Let this moment go on forever. Hold me.
Your hands. They're all over me, cupping my face, in my hair. Gawd, Jack. It feels so good. I want you to touch me. I ... Jack, I want ... I want to touch you, too.
Wow! You're eyes ... they're ... so shiny, sparkling. You look so ... so happy, Jack. Because of me? Oh Jack. Is that all for me? I'm not too late, am I? What?
Space Monkey? I don't understand. What does that mean? Oh I don't care. I don't. Look at your eyes, looking at me. You love me, Jack. You love me, and I love you. We're in love. You and me -- in love.
Look at me. Grinning ... I never grin, Jack ... not since ... not for a very long time. But you ... you've given me something to smile about for the first time since ... I don't remember when. I'm ... oh, Jack ... I'm happy. I don't remember the last time I felt happy.
I can't speak. I'm locked onto you, the feel of you ... I miss the contact. Everyone else wants to welcome me but ... I just need you, Jack. You love me ... and Jack, My Jack ... I am in love with you.
Tonight, Jack ... somehow ... tonight I'm going to find a way to tell you. I don't know how. I'm ... still afraid ... but I can't let this precious time be wasted. I need to feel your hand on my cheek again. I want to touch you. I want to know what it's like to ...
Gawd Jack ... I've never done this. What if I don't ... I don't know how, Jack. Jack? Do you? I don't want to disappoint you.
Your eyes. Your smile. So comforting. You're so focused on me, just as I am on you. There's no one else here but us ... not really. I will tell you, Jack. We'll go to your house, okay? I feel ... at home there. And ... somehow ... gawd somehow, I'll get up my courage ... and I'll tell you.
We have all the time in the world now ... you and I. My Love and I. I'll never forget your smile. Thank you for loving me.
Jack? I'm in love with you. I love you so darn much! Gawd, I love you!
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