Little Gray Butts

Author: Orrymain
Category:  Slash, Humor, Drama, Angst, Romance, Missing Scene/Epilogue, Established Relationship
Pairing:  Jack/Daniel ... and it's all J/D
Rating:  PG-13
Season:  7 - November 7-9, 2003 (Flashbacks throughout the years)
Spoilers:  Thor's Hammer, Thor's Chariot, Fair Game, Nemesis, Small Victories, Red Sky, Prometheus*, Unnatural Selection*, Fragile Balance, and itty bitty teensy weensy mentions that don't really spoil much of anything for Singularity, Serpent's Lair, Threshold, Menace, Birthright, and Evolution. (*Danielized!)
Size:  84kb
Written: August 10,14-15,19,22,25-27, 2003 Revised Again: January 11, February 19, 2005, February 26, March 7-8, 2007 Tweaked: March 20, 2007 Revised for consistency: October 1, 2007
Summary:  Thor zaps up Jack at an inopportune moment, leaving behind a very angry and frustrated archaeologist.
Disclaimer:  Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't.  A gal can dream though!
1) Sometimes, Jack and Daniel speak almost telepathically.  Their “silent” words to each other are indicated by asterisks instead of quotes, such as **Jack, we can't.**
2) Silent, unspoken thoughts by various characters are indicated with ~ in front and behind them, such as ~Where am I?~
3) This fic stands alone, but it does reference my past fic(s), “Wish Upon a Star”
4) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better:  QuinGem, Linda!

Little Gray Butts
by Orrymain

“I am getting so freakin' tired of this.  THOR, GET YOUR LITTLE GRAY BUTT DOWN HERE NOW!  This is freakin' ridiculous.  Come on, already. What the heck is the crisis now?  THOR, DO YOU HEAR ME?  I said, GET DOWN HERE NOW AND BRING BACK MY ... BRING BACK JACK!”

It was 11:30 p.m., and Daniel Jackson was having a hissy fit.  He was barefoot,  wearing only a pair of powder blue boxers.  When his lover had been “Assssgard-napped” as Daniel called it, the young man had been too distraught to put on more than his underwear.  His hair was mussed, and he was sweaty.

It had been a long, tortuous week, Daniel having been held captive by rebels after traveling to Honduras on assignment for the SGC and Jack showing up just in time to rescue him.  Gratefully, his injuries were minor.  Janet Fraiser had ordered Daniel to spend forty-eight hours off-base and then he'd be on light duty until the big day.

~The big day,~ Daniel sighed in both happiness and nervousness.

The lovers were about to be married and would be leaving for Canada at the end of the week.

It had been one long day.  Jack and Daniel had arrived back in the States, gone through their examinations, and endured a long briefing before finally being able to go home.  As soon as they had walked in the door, the archaeologist had felt better.

For quite a while, the soulmates simply snuggled; then, slowly, Daniel began to tell his lover about his time as a hostage for the rebels.  Then, they'd finally gotten to the point where it was time to fuse their bodies as ones, to remain both that all was well in their nation of two, but then it happened.  They were interrupted at the pivotal moment of their union by Thor.  Daniel was angry, frustrated, and totally exhausted.

The archaeologist had intended to spend the night with his lover, collapse in his arms, and finally get some sleep.  Barring Thor's interruption, the couple would have slept in, made love again, slept a while, and made love some more.

Instead, Daniel was ready to collapse from fatigue instead of from lovemaking, and he was angrier and more exasperated than he had ever been in his life.  He paced rapidly around the bedroom he shared with his lover, his abducted lover, who was now ~who knows where.~

Daniel moved his hands wildly into the air as he spoke.  Actually, he yelled his frustration into the air.

“Thor, I mean it.  This is one freakin' time too many.  THOR!  GET ... YOUR ... LITTLE ... GRAY... BUTT ... DOWN ... HERE ... NOW!”

With a zap of energy, Daniel found himself transported to Thor's ship.  Standing in front of him was the Asgard leader, a few other members of the Asgard council, and, strutting towards him, his lover.  Jack was wearing a big smile that turned into a look of alarm, causing him to stop and face Thor instead.

“C'mon, Thor,” Jack whined, extending one arm out in front of him pleadingly.  “Don't you think you could have dressed him like you did me?”

“He was impatient, O'Neill,” the small alien answered.

Jack shook his head and walked over to his scantily-dressed lover, shielding him as much as possible from the gawking aliens.

“Danny, you made it.”

With wide eyes, Daniel asked incredulously, “I made it?  Like I had a choice here, Jack?”

“Calm down, Danny.  Thor needs my help with ...”

“I don't freakin' care, Jack.  I'm getting tired of this, especially tonight,” the archaeologist bemoaned.

“My apologies, Doctor Jackson,” the Asgard interjected.  “It was not my intention to interfere, but Colonel O'Neill's assistance in this matter is of the utmost importance.  It was vital we speak with him as soon as possible.”

“Thor, haven't you ever heard of *knocking*?  I mean ... all I'm saying is ... crap, I don't even know what I mean, just ... just ...” Daniel waved his hand in front of him, waving off his comment.  He walked around in a circle, grumbling and grunting to no one in particular as Jack and the Asgard watched curiously.  ~Little gray butt!~

“Thor, Buddy, would you and your pals mind giving Daniel and me a few minutes alone?” Jack requested politely.  ~He's acting normal; that's a good sign.  I hate to leave him now, though.~

“As you wish.”

Thor and the council zapped themselves out of the room as Jack approached the still-muttering linguist.

“Danny, I'm sorry.  It was bad timing.”

“  It was *insane*!” Daniel refuted.

Sympathetically, the older man assured, “You're number one with me, and I know you've just gone through hell.  Say the word, and I'll tell Thor he's on his own, but you know Thor's ...”

“... important,” both men said in unison.

Jack continued, “... and a powerful one.  We probably shouldn't tell him to ...”

“... go to friggin' ...”

“Daniel, language,” Jack warned, nodding with his head towards the door.  He whispered, “They could be listening.”

Daniel sighed, “I know, Jack.  I met him first, remember?  No, why should you.  No one else does.  Little gray butt ignores me like everyone else.”

While he knew that comment was out of line, Daniel wasn't thinking straight.  He was too tired and too irate to even care about being rational.

“Danny, I don't ignore you, and neither does anyone else,” Jack responded seriously.

As Daniel muttered incoherently, Jack laughed lightly, “What was that, Doctor Jackson?  I couldn't make that out.”

Daniel turned to face his lover and responded, “I just want him to use a little ... decorum, Jack.  Certainly, the fate of the world can wait a few minutes until after we ... we ... grrrrrr.”

Daniel looked down, his arms in his patented self-hug mode.  His feet were moving as if tapping the floor.

“... finish?” Jack laughed, moving in to embrace his disgruntled partner in life, encircling his heart with strong, understanding arms.  “Thor doesn't understand the concept of knocking, Daniel.”

“Teach him,” Daniel ordered, not a hint of a smile on his face.  “He seems to listen to you,” he added in a somewhat whiny tone as he leaned his chin into Jack's shoulder.

Jack continued to hold Daniel, rubbing his bare back tenderly, kissing his nape, until the tension began to lessen.  Finally, the younger man turned his head and rested it on his lover's shoulder, his right hand finding its way inside Jack's blue shirt to wantonly stroke his chest.

“At least he gave you some clothes,” Daniel sniped, but then he drew a deep breath, feeling Jack's loving hands soothe him.  “I'm sorry.  I'm just so tired, and I was counting on us having this time together, and ... and I just wish Thor had better timing.  Gawd, how many times has he interrupted us now?”

“Hmm, five, six times, but you know how I am with numbers,” Jack jested lightly.

“Teach him to knock, Jack.  They must have a ... a ...”

“... doorbell,” both men said at the same time, with little chuckles escaping.

“I'll talk to him, Danny.  I promise.”

Jack nibbled Daniel's upper lip, but before he could do more, his eager soulmate's tongue demanded entrance into Jack's mouth, and the two were quickly involved in a passionate round of kissing, their bodies desperately wanting to graft together.

“O'Neill, we must leave now.”

“I knew it!” Jack exclaimed as he turned to face the Asgard.  “Thor, you *are* related to Carter, right?  Come on now, admit it.  She's adopted, and Jacob isn't really her father.  You've been messing around on Earth, ole buddy?”

“I do not understand,” Thor replied as he stared vacantly at the colonel.

Bluntly, Jack clarified, “Your timing sucks, Thor, just like Carter's.”

Sam was always walking in on Jack and Daniel at inopportune moments, and Jack shuddered just thinking about how close she had come to catching them in the act on more than one occasion.

Daniel hadn't said anything as he stood beside his soulmate and stared at the ~little gray floor that looks just like those little gray butts that I really wish would just freakin' leave us alone.~  Logic was beyond him at the moment, and he knew it.  ~We've paid our dues.  Is it really too much to ask for a little consideration before just beaming Jack up?  We're not on the freakin' Enterprise, for crying out loud.~

“Danny ...” Jack began, seeing his lover's distress.  **Tell me if you want me not to go; just tell me.**

“Go, Jack ... go ... do ... whatever it is the little ... Thor needs you to do.  And *you*, Thor, had better make sure he comes back in one piece, *alive*, and ... and ... soon.”

“That is always our intention, Doctor Jackson,” Thor stated.

~Yes, I know, just like the Tok'ra.~  Instead of his silently mocked comment, Daniel chose to say a more tolerant, “Thank you, Thor” aloud.

“We must go, O'Neill.  Doctor Jackson, we will transport you back to where you were now.”

“Whatever you say, Thor.  Jack, I ...”

With that, Daniel found himself back in his bedroom, just as frustrated as when Thor had transported him up to the ship.

“Freakin' little gray butts,” the tired man muttered as he flung himself onto the bed.

Silenting cursing the Asgard, Daniel finally succumbed to sleep a few minutes later.


A few hours later, Daniel awoke, still alone in the all-too-big-for-just-one-man king-size bed.  He picked up his glasses from the nightstand and put them on.  With a grunt, he slowly walked downstairs to the kitchen and made some coffee.

“Little gray aggravating butts,” Daniel muttered, waiting for his caffeine fix to brew to completion.  He considered letting their beagles inside, but Bijou and Katie were apparently sound asleep in their doghouse outside.  ~Just because I'm miserable doesn't mean they have to be.~  Mug in hand, he wandered around the house, ending up in the recently redecorated study. Taking a seat in the elaborate leather chair he had purchased for his lover, Daniel turned on the massager and sat back, hoping the kneading action would relax him.  The pulsar sensations felt good on his back.  ~But it's not as good as Jack's fingers.~

Taking a deep breath, Daniel turned off the massager, readjusted the chair slightly, and placed his coffee on the desk.  He leaned forward, powered on the computer, and then began a new entry in his computer diary, a diary he someday hoped to share with others, helping them to understand that the love he and Jack shared was beautiful, not ugly and wrong as some in society would claim.

//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//
The Asgard.  Where would we be without them?  I'm not sure actually, but we'd probably be in a worse situation than we are now with the Goa'uld and the Replicators.

The first time we learned that Thor was real and not simple mythology was on Cimmeria.  It was BJ, no, not blow job, but Before Jack, before he was My Jack, before he and I knew that we were forever.

That was the time when the hammer device trapped Jack and Teal'c in the underground complex, and I had to destroy the hammer in order to free Teal'c.  It came at a high price.  Destroying the hammer had taken away the one chance I had of saving Sha're.

My beautiful wife was still alive then, the unwilling host to a monster symbiote.  I didn't have a choice, but that fact didn't take away the pain I felt.
//End of Daniel's Diary//

“Sha're,” Daniel said aloud.  His life was so different now than it was back then, when the incident with Thor's Hammer occurred.  He went to the kitchen for a fresh cup of coffee and stood for a moment in front of the kitchen window overlooking the backyard.  ~I'm ... I'm sorry, Sha're.  You deserved so much more.  I thought I could be what you needed, what you wanted, but how could I be that when I didn't even realize who I was and ... and who I wanted?~

Daniel closed his eyes in silent reflection, visualizing his beautiful wife.  He hadn't really thought about her in a while, and he felt guilty.  He was so happy in his life with Jack.  It completed him, made him feel vital and important.  He loved Sha're, but it had been different with her.  While good, their relationship hadn't been the consuming passion that he now had with Jack.

“That kiss ... when Jack came back to Abydos ... it wasn't for me, Sha're,” Daniel opined about the passionate kiss his wife had planted on him in front of Jack and his team right before the archaeologist was about to show them the Cartouche.  “No, it wasn't for my benefit.  It was ... good, though,” he chuckled with a slight bob of his head.  Then he grew serious again and sighed, ~You would have found someone, Sha're, someone who could have treasured and cherished you the way you deserved.  I ... I know it.  I wish ...~

Daniel regretted so much that she never had what he had found, that one love that made you a part of another person.  It wasn't just a sharing, but an engulfing of each other's soul, a synergy that was more powerful than anything that could ever be imagined.

Bells rang in Daniel's mind.  Opening his eyes, the young man realized it was the phone.  Automatically, he picked up the receiver.


“Doctor Jackson?” a male voice asked, apparently surprised to hear Daniel's voice.

~Crap!~  Daniel closed his eyes for a second, then answered, “Um, yes.  General Hammond?”

“I'm sorry, Son, I wasn't expecting you to be answering Colonel O'Neill's phone at this time of the morning.”

~Time?~  Daniel had no clue what time it was.  He spun around to look at the clock -- 4:30 a.m.  “Yes, Sir, well, I ... we ...”  He fumbled, suddenly tired from an awareness of how much time had passed since Thor had interrupted his time with Jack.  “Pizza.”

“Pizza, Doctor Jackson?”

“We had ... pizza last night and I ... it was late, so I stayed over ... in the spare room.”  ~Jackson, you are such an idiot.  What are you rambling for?  You just volunteered a bunch of unnecessary information, stupid unnecessary information, and, crap, it's a lie, too!~  The archaeologist felt sick, the muscles in his abdomen tensing from the anxiety and causing him to ache.  Hammond was well aware that he was recovering.  ~Pizza?  Gawd, I was tortured, and I'm telling him I'm with Jack because we had pizza?~

“Yes, I understand, Son.”

There was something in the general's tone that disturbed Daniel: a softness, or maybe it was an understanding.

“Doctor Jackson, I need to speak with Colonel O'Neill,” Hammond stated strongly.

“He's ... he's not here, General.  Thor took him.”

“Thor?” Hammond questioned.  “*Took* him?”

Daniel closed his eyes at his terminology and replied, “I don't really know what it was about, but Thor claimed Jack's assistance was vital.  I ... I don't even know when he'll be back.”

“I see,” Hammond responded.  ~Seems peculiar that Jack would leave Daniel alone after what he's just gone through, even for our most important ally.~

“General Hammond, is something wrong?” the archaeologist inquired.

“Yes, I'm afraid there is, but we'll handle it.  Tell Jack to call me as soon as he gets in.”

“Yes, Sir, I will.  Did you need me to come in, I mean, if something's wrong ...?”

“No, Doctor Jackson.  This is one of those frustrating Pentagon messes.  Earth is safe,” the major general assured.

“That's good to hear, General.  Goodnight, uh, morning ... whatever.”

“Same to you, Son.  How are you feeling?” the general asked.

“Uh, well, achy ... a little, but I'm fine, General.”

Hammond smiled, then spoke, “I'm sorry I disturbed you.  Go back to sleep.”

“I will,” Daniel said.  He hung up the phone, shaking his head and thinking, ~You are such an idiot, Jackson!~  He threw himself on the couch, face down, shouting, “Idiot!  Idiot!  Idiot!” into the sofa cushion as he tried to bury his face. He groaned and turned over onto his back, replaying his conversation with Hammond in his mind.  “Well, if he didn't know before, Jack, I think he does now,” he said softly.

Shifting his focus, Daniel renewed his anger, saying, “Freakin' little gray butts.  BRING JACK HOME NOW.”  He knew he wouldn't get a response.  “I am so freakin' tired of this,” he sighed as he rose from the couch and finally got the cup of coffee he had come in for earlier.

Daniel returned to his seat in the study, taking another sip of coffee before setting the cup on the desk.  He wondered what would prompt such an early morning phone call from the general, but then again, it wasn't the first time the general had chosen to call Jack at odd hours, so he decided he might as well stop worrying and continue working on the diary entry.

//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//
The first time we actually met Thor was the following year when we went back to Cimmeria.  Gairwyn had sent us an S.O.S. via the Sagan Institute Box we had left with her to give to the Asgard.  It was obvious she and her people were in trouble, because of what we had done by destroying Thor's Hammer.

Convincing General Hammond that we needed to return to the planet and provide assistance didn't take more than a bit of SG-1 team unity.

Teal'c began, saying, “The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this.  If so, I am responsible.”

Jack used the command argument as he stated, “General, I gave the order.”

“And I fired the staff at the machine,” I said, adding my contribution to our reasoning.

“And I was there,” Sam chimed in, needing to say something.

So back we went.  The Jaffa, no longer barred from Cimmeria by the hammer, were attacking the planet.  While Jack and Teal'c tried to fend off the invading Goa'uld, Sam and I followed Gairwyn to Thor's Hall of Might, hoping to find some secret weapon we could use to protect Cimmeria.

Before we could find the weapon, we had to pass a series of tests to prove our worth, the first was for sacrifice and courage, the last a riddle to show our wisdom.  The answer turned out to be as easy as pi, and yes, I mean pi, the mathematical element, not Jack's favorite apple pie.  My Jack loves pie, but that's neither here nor there.

At the conclusion of the tests, we were surprised when the large Viking image we had been viewing as Thor gave way to a short, three-foot tall alien with a little gray butt.

“I am the actual one whom you know as Thor,” he spoke.

He wasn't happy when I told him we had destroyed the hammer.  Maybe it's why he doesn't seem to like me much.  Thor is always ignoring me.  He loves Jack, though.
//End of Daniel's Diary//

Daniel suddenly flinched as he thought about how often Thor ignored him but practically fussed over Jack.  In his current state, it didn't take much for Daniel's own version of Mr. Jealousy to surface for a moment.

~You better be keeping your little gray hands to yourself, Thor.~

Daniel stuffed half of a power bar into his mouth and then continued his entry.

//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//

Thor was even less thrilled when we asked for weapons.  I tried to explain that we didn't mean to interfere, but he didn't want to listen, and we were transported back into the woods.

I knew Jack was going to be disappointed when I told him the entire adventure was a bust, and I was right; he definitely was not a happy camper.  I had let him down, and I hated myself for that.  It wasn't just Jack, it was all of Cimmeria.  I had destroyed the hammer -- me.  Now, they were close to being overrun by the Goa'uld.

We surrendered when the Jaffa backed us into a corner, not wanting to endanger the lives of the children.  As we walked to wherever we were being taken, I quipped, “Before they rode into battle, the Sioux used to say 'this is a good day to die'.”

Jack hit me, so I got back at him when Thor came to the rescue, zapping Jaffa all over the planet.  As we stood gaping at the Biliskner, the Asgard mother ship, I channeled My Jack, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I think this is Thor's Chariot.”

He hates it when I do that.

Thor told Gairwyn they would build a new hammer, and an exception would be made for Teal'c, and all was well that ended well.
//End of Daniel's Diary//

Daniel shivered.  It was 5:45 a.m. and his body finally registered the early morning cold.  It was only now that he remembered he was dressed only in boxers.  He went upstairs and put on his navy blue sweatpants.  A smile crossed his face when he thought about Jack and his passion for having him always dress in blue.  It drove him crazy that Jack was so insistent about it, but it also made him wonderfully crazy whenever Jack gave him that special look whenever he did wear blue clothing.  The best part was always when his lover removed said blue clothing.  He shivered in anticipation, then chilled, remembering the current situation.

~Those little gray butts are really getting on my nerves!  A man can only be Clark Kent for so long,~ Daniel thought about his propensity to be calm, tolerant, and understanding.  ~When I take off my glasses, Thor, watch out~ he threatened in his mind, before letting out a sigh and returning to his true persona.  ~Mild and meek ... for now.~  He laughed, knowing that's how the System Lords thought of him.  He also knew it wasn't the truth.  ~Good thing you aren't really an enemy, Thor, even if you are a freakin' little gray butt!~

Daniel had started to put on his sweatshirt, but changed his mind and walked over to Jack's side of the bed.  He picked up his lover's gray sweatshirt that he had peeled off in the early throes of their lovemaking the night before.  He put it on, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.  He raised the front of the shirt to his face and inhaled.

~Okay, this is dumb,~ the archaeologist thought, though he could smell the scent of his lover on the clothing and it made him better.  ~Dumb or not, with this on, I feel closer to you, Babe.~

After the archaeologist put on his socks and shoes, he stood up and, speaking loudly into the emptiness of the room, threatened, “So help me, Thor, you'd better bring him home healthy, or you'll have me to deal with.”

Letting out a sad sigh, Daniel's shoulders drooped.  He trod slowly down the stairs and headed for the kitchen in search of another caffeine fix.  The lure of the roof deck called to him, however, and, without thinking, he opened the patio door and climbed up the ladder to the roof deck.  He sank down to the deck floor, leaning against the house, his knees pulled up towards his chest.  The air was chilly, the sky losing its darkness as daylight neared.

Daniel closed his eyes and thought about all the moments he and Jack had spent sitting on the roof deck, sharing their souls and their love.

Their first night together had begun on the roof deck, looking out at the heavens, so grateful to be alive, and together.  Each had thought the other had died while saving Earth from the attacking fleet under Apophis' rule, but they had survived, and when Jack saw Daniel and called him Space Monkey, Daniel could only grin.  They could no longer run from their love, nor did they want to.

It had been cold outside, not much different than it was now, but the crispness of the air made the two feel alive.

“I love you, Jack,” Daniel spoke to the ebbing night air.  “I'm ... cold, and I need you here to make me warm again.”

His head bowed forward to his knees, Daniel briefly visualized that one special shooting star that had finally united the two in love and smiled.  He looked up at the fading stars, a joy swelling in his heart as he remembered the wonder of that first night.  It had been perfect.  Well, maybe not perfect in the physical sense, not completely, but the night had been full of passion and love, and a commitment that Jack and Daniel would be united for all time.

Their love had grown so much until being apart for any stretch of time caused physical ache, the kind Daniel was feeling now, being separated from his partner by some alien with a little gray butt.


The word was spoken quietly, even reverently.

“So help me, Jack, if that little gray butt doesn't get you back here soon, I may strangle him myself the next time I see him.  Hear that Thor!”


The sun was rising now.  Daniel rose and finally went down to the kitchen to get his coffee.  He knew he should eat something, but his appetite was wherever his lover was ~somewhere out there in a galaxy far, far away.~

Daniel knew he couldn't sleep, so headed back to the computer in the study and continued to write about the Asgard.

//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//
The next year, Thor began his snatching game, the one that has me sitting here typing in this computer diary instead of being snuggled up in the arms of my lover.  Freakin' little gray butts.  But that's another story.  Where was I?  Oh, yes, the next time we met up with Thor, the SGC was being honored for stopping Hathor's latest scheme, and Sam was promoted to major.

We were all happy for her, but as Jack was making his speech, he suddenly disappeared.  I stood there looking like a guppy, staring at the space where my lover had been standing just a second before.  My heart had stopped beating, and I felt frozen in time.

Thor told Jack that Earth was in danger, but that the Asgard were willing to cover our sixes, making Earth one of the Protected Planets.  We'd be safe from Goa'uld invasions, but it would come at a high price, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Jack hadn't met Thor.  I had, but as I said before, Thor doesn't seem to like me very much.

When Jack disappeared, the base went on full alert.  No one had a clue what had happened.  I ended up in my office, totally at a loss.  I laid down on my bunk, my head throbbing from the ache of wondering where my lover was.  I hadn't even taken my jacket off. I shut my eyes and then I heard his voice, and my heart began to beat once again.

“Hey, Danny.”

Jack walked in, closed the door, and sat down beside me on the bunk.

“Jack?  What?  Where?”

I could barely speak, but I sprang up and kissed him, my arms wrapping around his neck.  The answers to my questions could wait.

“Missed me, huh?”

“Jack where the heck where you?”

“With Thor, and actually, Love, we need to go get Hammond and the others.  Big stuff happening, and it's way over my head.”


Jack stood up, extending his hand down for me.  I took hold of his hand as I sat up, and for a moment, with our hands joined, we just looked into each other's eyes.  Finally, Jack tugged on my hand, pulling me up and towards the door, still holding my hand.

“Actually, Danny, Thor reminds me of you.”

“Jack, he's three-feet tall and gray.”

“It's his voice.  He ... he sounds like you in some ways.  The way he pronounces his words so precisely.”

“If you say so, Jack.”  Jack began to open the door.  “Hmm, Jack.”


“My ... hmm, my hand.  You're still ...”

“Oh, sorry.  Well, not really, but you know.”

I smiled because, yes, I did know.  He squeezed my hand and kissed me quickly before opening the door.

“Off to see the wizard, Daniel.”

“The wizard?”

“Hammond, of course.”

We met in the conference room, and poof, there was Thor.  He ignored me again, telling Jack they had selected him to be their representative.  My Love wasn't thrilled with that.  Diplomacy wasn't his long suit.  He tried to tell Thor that I was better qualified, but again, Thor ignored me completely.  It must have been the weapons line.  He really doesn't seem to like me very much.

He had never even met Jack, and, hey, I was at least honest when I told him about destroying the hammer on Cimmeria.  Sometimes I wonder if that 'honesty being the best policy' thing is more for the birds than mankind, or maybe it should be alienkind.

The System Lords came, and our hands were full.  Teal'c had a revenge thing going with Cronus for killing his father, and Nirrti, well, we weren't fond of her.  She was the one responsible for the deaths of everyone on Cassandra's planet, as well as the SGC team that had been on the planet at the time.  Yu was the third System Lord.  He seemed to be the most rational, but that may also make him the most dangerous.

My Jack, bless him, tried his best to be Mister Diplomacy, but the meeting had barely started when all three System Lords indignantly filed by me where I waited in the hall outside the briefing room.

“Excuse me, sorry for interrupting.  What just happened?” I asked just after entering the meeting room.

Poor Jack.  His crime was speaking out of turn while the System Lords bickered.  Thor told Jack and I about some unknown enemy they were fighting (turned out to be the Replicators we would unfortunately meet up with later), and then I nudged Jack.

“Let's go, Jack.  We have to figure out how to get the negotiations back on track.”

“And how do we do that?”

“You grovel!” I demanded.

“Me?” Jack questioned, not liking the idea, but he didn't have a choice, not this time.

“Yes, Jack, you.  Let's go.”

I composed a letter for him, and Jack signed it.  Soon, the negotiations were back on.  Nirrti, however, put a stop to things when she tried to kill Cronus and Teal'c.

In the end, Jack bluffed the System Lords, taking a page out of the Asgard methodology on how to handle the Goa'uld.  He pulled it off beautifully, and Nirrti bought the act that we knew for a fact she was lying and was able to use technology unbeknownst to the other System Lords to become invisible.  Sam managed to corner Nirrti, and we turned her over to the very angry and vengeful Cronus and Yu.

As a thank you of sorts, Cronus and Yu agreed to make Earth a Protected Planet without requiring us to give up the Stargate.  They left with a threat, but for the moment, Earth was safe.

“Boy, is she gonna get it,” I said as the System Lords departed.

“My heart bleeds,” Jack mocked as he walked behind me as we exited the gate room.

“Jack, what was Thor's ship like?”

“Gray.  Big.  I didn't see much of it.  Mainly just talked with Thor.”

“He likes you.”

Suddenly, I felt a tug on my arm, and before I knew it Jack had pulled us both into a darkened storage room.

“It's cold in here.”

“Don't worry, Love.  I'll warm you up.”

And he did with a kiss that fired up my soul.


“I'll take that as a good review.”

“Oh, definitely.”


“Home, definitely, home, Colonel.  Home.  Now.”
//End of Daniel's Diary//

Daniel yawned as he hit the save button on the keyboard and spoke, “Home.”

The word was said softly as he stared at the computer monitor.  Daniel had found his home years ago, and his home was Jack O'Neill.

The diary author was feeling punchy.  As he reread his entry, he realized how personal it was and how many potshots he had taken at the allies.  He liked the Asgard, including Thor, but sleep deprivation and stress were beginning to take a toll on him that even his endless supply of Starbuck's coffee couldn't cure.  He decided he needed to stop thinking about ~freakin' little gray butts~ so opted to lose himself in household chores.

The scientist vacuumed, dusted, did the laundry, and re-papered the kitchen cupboards.  He cleaned the kitchen floor, took out the trash, and even prepared a couple of casserole dishes that he and Jack could quickly heat up during the week.

As he placed the casseroles in the freezer and looked at the spotless kitchen and living room, Daniel smirked, “My, aren't I the good little housewife?”

It was 1 p.m., and Daniel was now feeling snarky in addition to being punchy, mumbling something about “big-eyed skeletal midgets with little gray butts” as he turned his attention to the outside of the house, still in search of anything to keep his mind off those ~abducting, annoying, little gray aggravating butts.~

Still trying to avoid thinking about his missing lover, Daniel mowed the lawn, pulled some weeds, trimmed the hedges, and washed both his car and Jack's truck.  He even cleaned the dogs' doghouse.

“Okay, maybe scrubbing the floor is going overboard,” the lonely man told the two curious canines when he emerged from the deepest part of the deluxe doghouse.  Seeing their expressions, he sighed, “Stay here, and I'll get your bed covers from the dryer.”

Bijou and Katie exchanged a look, then both lay down on the grass, resting their faces on their outstretched front paws.


With the doghouse completely cleaned and back in order, Daniel played with their beagles for a while, tossing the ball around for a bit, wrestling for a few minutes, and then having a quick game of doggie tag.

Afterwards, Daniel made another batch of coffee and grabbed an apple to snack on, or truth be told, just to be able to tell his absent lover that he had eaten something during the day.

Feeling a little grungy from his activities, Daniel took another shower, but needing the scent of his lover on him, he redressed in Jack's favorite gray sweatshirt, which was the same sweatshirt Jack had been wearing their first night together as lovers, and put on a new pair of jeans.

Daniel then lay down on the bed, longing for his lover's touch.  Sleep claimed him for a short while.


As he opened his weary eyes, Daniel knew Jack was still gone or he would have been awakened by a kiss, or two or three or four.  He looked at the clock -- 6 p.m.  He had gotten a whopping one hour of rest.  His mind just wouldn't stop, not even in sleep.  He needed some air, so he took Bijou and Katie for a brisk walk around the block.  When he returned, he headed for the study and continued to work on his computer diary.

//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//
As I lay on the infirmary bed, recovering from having my appendix removed, Jack came by before leaving on his fishing trip.  He didn't want to go, but we were playing a game at the time, hiding in plain sight.

As he said goodbye, I wanted to shout,  “Don't go,” but I was the one who had convinced him the trip was necessary in the first place.

Sometimes I think too much for my own good.

I didn't find out for quite a while that Thor had once again beamed into our lives.  When I found out what was going on, I wanted to strangle that little gray butt for taking Jack away from me, putting him into a situation where he might not be able to come back, and my last words to him were ... were what?

It was such a silly conversation, practically staged.  I can't even remember what we said; and that is what that little gray butt almost cost me ... a lifetime of not even remembering my last words with my partner in life.

When we went to DEFCON 2 with orders to destroy the unidentified incoming object that was plummeting to Earth, General Hammond actually apologized to me for ordering the potential death of my lover.  No, he didn't know about Jack and I, but he knew we were close.  He saw how unsteady I was, the paleness of my skin.  I felt sick.  I was sick.

The general and Paul Davis both watched over me as the fireball made its way through the atmosphere, staring, watching to see what I would do. The general kept trying to get me to go to the infirmary or get some rest, but I couldn't leave the control room.  I had to be there.

For hours, I sat in an uncomfortable chair, unable to move, staring at the space where the now-missing Stargate had been.  We assumed SG-1 had transported it to their location.  I was like a statue until finally Janet came up with one of her goons and ordered me to my office to relax ...

“Or, Doctor Jackson, I can have Frank here escort you to the infirmary where I will give you a complete checkup.”

Little Napoleon won the battle.  After all, what else was there for me to do?

Eight agonizing days after the Biliskner was destroyed, my lover returned.  I ran to the Stargate.  Poor Sam.  She'd be working overtime covering up for Jack and I, but I couldn't help it.  If I'm truthful, I didn't friggin' care.  It had been too close, and I needed to see Jack desperately.  There had just been too many near-misses.

My appendix had almost killed me, Thor had taken Jack from me unexpectedly, and then, My Jack had almost died aboard the Asgard vessel.  I needed to see him, to watch him walk down that ramp.  It would be hard to act calm, like ... a best friend and not like a soulmate in distress, but I could do it.

I just had to get there first, so I ran through the halls of the SGC, bumping into faceless Marines, Sergeant Siler, and walls until finally, I was where I needed to be ... at the foot of the ramp.

When Jack walked through the Gate, I couldn't help but smile.  We held back though, didn't even touch.  We knew if we did, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' wouldn't matter because no one would have told them, not verbally, but in vivid illustration; they would have seen first hand a full scale demonstration of just how together and forever Jack and Daniel are.

Jack showered, and then we met in his office for a few minutes before the briefing.  My lover had prepared for my arrival by turning off the security camera in his office, and thus, I had barely made it through the doorway when the love of my life had me pinned against his office door and engaged in heavy duty French kissing.  It was heated and passionate, and necessarily quick, and truth be told, it wasn't much.  I was still recovering, and Jack wouldn't let me do what I wanted.

“We have time, Danny.  I'm not going anywhere.”

“No fishing, O'Neill, not alone, never,” I spoke breathlessly between kisses.

“I didn't go fishing, Daniel.”

“I know, Jack, I'm just ... I don't know what I'm just, so just shut up, and kiss me.”

I was practically incoherent, needing to feel him, to be a part of him, to have him all over me.  We tried to get inside each other's skin as much as we could in five minutes, but it wasn't enough.  We had to stop, had to break away and go to the briefing room.  It was a living nightmare, our desire having to be placed on the back burner as we reported to the general.

“Jack, I think maybe you need to sit by Sam in the briefing, and ... play it up a little.”


“I ... I thought I'd lost you, Jack,” I spoke softly as I leaned my forehead against his.  “I, um, was worried.  Hammond saw, and Major Davis, and ... I tried, Jack, but ...”

“It's okay, Danny.”

“No, it's not, but sometimes, Jack, it just doesn't matter.”

“I know, Love.  C'mon, we need to get to the briefing, or they'll come looking for us.  We'll talk to Sam later, and let the rumor mills do their thing.”

I started to turn towards the door when Jack's lips suddenly found mine, and I couldn't help myself.  I flung my arms around him again, and pulled him close for one more long, hard kiss.

“I love you, Danny.”

“Love you, too, Jack.”

One more quick kiss, and we were off to the conference room.

Once again, things took a deadly turn, and once again, I watched my soulmate go off to battle evil while I had to stay behind.  Dang Little Napoleon.  I begged and pleaded, but she wouldn't take me off light duty.  I needed to be with Jack.

For the second time, we didn't get to say goodbye.  Jack had gone to gear up, and I started to follow, but the general wanted to review a few things.  I couldn't get away, and when Jack and Teal'c were ready to go, all we could do was exchange a look, a brief look. “I love you” was silently exchanged as Jack turned and left.

Jack and Teal'c tried to take out the Replicators on the submarine, but it was too much for anyone to accomplish.  He ordered me to blow up the sub, killing him and Teal'c. I was crying.  I'm sure Paul saw.  Probably Siler, too.

I had to give the order, because they wouldn't do it.  I mouthed Jack's name as I hit the moment of truth.  I gave the order and became determined to watch every last moment of my love's life on the monitor.  I refused to turn away.

Then a miracle happened, and Jack and Teal'c were transported off the submarine.  Okay, maybe I can forgive Thor.  I've been so angry at him today for interfering.  He's always beaming Jack up at the worst times, and leaving me down here alone.  I hate that.

I hate being dismissed like I have no input into whatever the crisis is, but on that day, Thor became a hero.  He had not only saved Teal'c, but he saved My Jack, and transported him home to me.
//End of Daniel's Diary//

Daniel saved the latest addition to his diary and then stretched, his long arms reaching up towards the ceiling, his hands clasping together above his head.  His well-built torso flexed as his muscles pulled.  He yawned, prompting him to look at the clock -- 8:30 p.m.  Jack had been gone for twenty-one hours.

After pacing back and forth for a few minutes, Daniel's anger was rising once again.  He and Jack had been making love when Thor zapped Jack away, and he was certain it was done intentionally.

~Okay, okay, so I'm getting paranoid, but after that first time, who could blame me?~

The first time Thor had snatched Jack from his home was right after Teal'c had been brainwashed into thinking he was still First Prime of Apophis.  SG-1 and Bra'tac had worked hard to help restore Teal'c's soul via the Rite of M'al Sharran.  Fortunately, they were successful.  Afterwards, Hammond had given the team three days of R & R.

~I don't think our having sex was what the general had in mind when he gave us those days of rest and relaxation.~

Jack and Daniel had been celebrating, in bed, kissing, stroking, touching, teasing each other as their arousal grew.  The comforter was on the foot of the bed as the men moved to the rhythm of their love.  Daniel was on top of Jack, straddling him, leaning over, laying a line of kisses on his chest when suddenly a zap of light and energy entered their bedroom.  Suddenly, the lovers had heard a whoosh and then their friend and ally appeared.

“O'Neill, we require your assistance.”

Startled, Daniel didn't move.  He looked over his shoulder at the tiny alien, gaping like a guppy, in total shock.

“Thor, what the heck? ... Danny?”

“Huh?” Daniel responded, still in shock.

“You want to ...” Jack motioned for Daniel to get off of him.

“Oh, right.  Sorry.”

The stunned lover carefully leaned back, grabbing hold of the comforter and rolled off of Jack, taking the entire comforter with him, holding it up to his neck as he sat on his side of the bed.

“Thanks, Daniel,” Jack said sarcastically, his body totally exposed as a result of Daniel's movements.

Daniel simply smiled shyly.

Jack got up and put on his sweats that had been flung to the floor when he and Daniel first got into bed.

“Hello, Doctor Jackson,” Thor greeted, finally acknowledging the archaeologist.  “I hope you are well.”

“Yes, I am, I mean, thank you, Thor.”

Fully dressed, Jack sat on the bed and spoke, “Thor, buddy, you can't tell anyone about this,” as he waved his hand over the bed and towards Daniel.

“Why is that, O'Neill?” Thor asked.

“It's ... just not a good idea,” Jack answered hesitantly.

“I do not understand.  Are you ashamed of what you are doing with Doctor Jackson?”

Jack looked at Daniel, who hadn't stopped blushing since Thor whooshed into the room.  Jack looked into his lover's eyes, making sure he was listening.

“No, Thor, why would I be ashamed of the best part of my life?  Daniel is the best part of me,” the colonel responded as he smiled at his lover.

“Then why do you wish me to ... remain quiet, as you say?”

“Because,” Jack's smile turned into a frown, “our society isn't as advanced in some areas where people, especially military-types, are involved.  We have some archaic, insane rules, and well, same-sex relationships are frowned upon. They aren't normal.”

Puzzled, Thor questioned, “Normal?  Is normalcy on Earth based on who you love?  Do they have rules about this, O'Neill?”

Jack shook his head from frustration, not at Thor, but at his world and replied, “Unfortunately, some people’s version of normal is based on who you love, and the military does have rules about it.”

“I see.  I will honor your request, O'Neill, and hope that one day your world advances. You are still very young, but we have great hopes that Earth might one day be the fifth race.”

“Yeah, we've been told that, about being young, before, and, in this case, Thor, I have to agree with you ...” Jack turned to look at Daniel again, reaching back with his hand to take hold of Daniel's, “... because I could never be ashamed of this, of what I feel, or of you, Danny.  I love you, and I do wish we could tell the entire world, heck, the entire universe.”

Daniel was smiling with embarrassment, and wasn't sure how to respond to this semi-public affirmation of affection, so he did the only thing that seemed right.

“I love you, too, Jack, with all my heart and all that I am.”

The two exchanged another smile and nod of agreement that they were forever, and then Jack returned his attention to Thor.

“So, Thor, why did you drop in on us?  Need someone dumber again?”

Thor told Jack about some crisis among the Asgard regarding the Protected Planets policy and Earth's status.  Jack was summoned to answer criticism of opposing members of the council.  Thor zapped Jack away for two-and-a-half days, leaving Daniel behind to a very alone downtime.
//End of Flashback//

Hearing a bark at the patio door, Daniel was brought back to the present.  He let the beagles into the house, and they followed him quietly as he walked back to the study.

“Freakin' little gray butts,” Daniel mumbled as the dogs looked at him quizzically.

Thor always seemed to know the worst times to show up.  There was always some excuse why it had to be at Jack's home, a secret, and Daniel was never invited to go.

~He just doesn't like me,~ Daniel sighed, stress and weariness adding to his alien paranoia.

Daniel lay down on the sofa in the study.  He loved its smooth leather feel.  As he closed his eyes, he imagined Jack holding him in his arms, as he had done so often on this same couch, but instead of the warmth of his lover's body, it was Bijou and Katie, who snuggled up to weary man as sleep temporarily claimed him again.


When Daniel opened his eyes next, it was exactly 10:15 p.m.

“Jack?” the lonely man called out automatically.  Hearing nothing, Daniel roused the dogs who jumped off him.  He stood up and searched the living room to no avail.  Jack was still with Thor.  He opened the patio door, and Bijou and Katie both ran outside.  “Freakin Asgard,” he muttered again as he sank down into his lover's favorite armchair.

Realizing he wasn't achieving anything by sulking and that he was about to pass out from hunger, Daniel went to the kitchen to find something to eat.  Nothing looked good.  In desperation, he grabbed the box of Froot Loops and poured some into a bowl.

Adding some milk, Daniel shook his head and said to whomever or whatever might be listening, “How crazy is this ... I'm eating freakin' Froot Loops and I hate Froot Loops!  THOR -- I WANT JACK BACK NOW!”

Nothing but silence filled the room.  Daniel ate a few bites of the cereal and tossed the rest.  After letting the dogs out, he took a quick shower, and returned to the study, where he could focus on something besides his missing lover.

//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//
When we went to K'tau, Thor was otherwise occupied, but we did meet Freyr, another Asgardian.  The people on K'tau thought Freyr was a god.  It was similar to Cimmeria, with Freyr appearing as a tall Viking as Thor had done.

The problem on this planet was of our own making.  Actually, I guess the problem on Cimmeria was our fault, too.  I guess we've made a lot of mistakes, but at least we try to fix them and take responsibility for them.

In any event, Sam had to finagle the dialing protocols to get us to K'tau.  The result brought about disaster for the planet, introducing some unstable element into the K'tau world which was causing their sun to change.  It was only a matter of time before the plant life, and the people would die.

We contacted Freyr, and Jack spoke with the Asgard Council as Sam and I listened in.  I admit, that this is where the “little gray butts” comes from.  Jack was upset because the Asgard were refusing to help, and he let out with that line in the course of his negotiations with the council.

Long story short, Sam wasn't sure whether or not her techno junk had worked or not.  Jack believed the Asgard came through.

Me?  The people of K'tau believed in prayer and their god, even if the Asgard were not gods.  I guess you could say I'm ... open.  I'm not sure whether it was Sam, the Asgard, or some other all-encompassing being, but the people were saved, and that is what is truly important.
//End of Daniel's Diary//

The phone rang, interrupting Daniel's review of his diary entry about K'tau.


“Doctor Jackson, this is General Hammond.  Has there been any word from Colonel O'Neill yet?”

“Um, no, General, nothing yet.  Thor ... he ... he's not very good at keeping me ... I mean, he doesn't do status reports.”

Daniel was mentally tired and concerned about his lover.  He normally did a better job of protecting their privacy, but he seemed to be bungling every sentence he spoke.

“Are you all right, Son?” a concerned Hammond asked.

“I'm fine, Sir.  I'm just ... I have some things to talk over with Jack, and I'm ...”

Daniel was fidgeting.  He didn't know what he was trying to say, but making excuses for questions the general wasn't asking was not smart, and he knew it.

Hammond suggested, “Major Carter is on the base.  I could have her call or come stay with you ...”

~Whaaaat?~  Daniel didn't hear the end of Hammond's line.  His mind stayed focused on “come stay with you.”  ~Am I being that obvious?~

“Doctor Jackson?”

“I'm sorry, General, uh ... no, that won't be necessary.  I'm fine, really.  I'll have Jack call when he gets in,” Daniel promised.  ~Wait.  Maybe it's just because he's worried, because of Honduras.~  He sighed, ~No, wishful thinking.~

“Actually, Son, that's all been taken care of now.  No need.  I would like Colonel O'Neill to give me a full report, however, on his latest adventure with the Asgard.”  ~Okay, so I'm really calling to make sure you're all right; you didn't sound that good the last time we spoke.~

“I'll ... have him call to report, Sir.”

Daniel shocked himself at how depressed he sounded.  Jack would come back only to have to report to Hammond which would mean not much of a reunion.  Their downtime wasn't long enough as it was.

“Monday will be fine, Doctor Jackson, unless there is something he feels can't wait,” the general intoned casually.

“Thank you.  I'll tell him.”

Daniel wondered if the general could hear the sudden lift in his voice, the pleasure from knowing Jack wouldn't return only to have to do SGC business right away.  When Hammond hung up, the young man started berating himself silently for being so careless.

~What an idiot, Jackson.  You're going to blow it.  He knows ... he knows because you are talking too freakin' much.  Jack says you talk too much and he's right, so shut the freakin' up already.~

Downing another cup of coffee and sucking in a Twinkie (~Yes, Jack, I ate ... even had desert~), he returned to the computer and noticed the time on the taskbar.

General Hammond had called at 11 p.m., expecting to find Daniel there, if not Jack.

“Oh for crying out loud,” Daniel said, channeling his Jack.

The archaeologist didn't want to think about what it meant that the general not only didn't question that he was in Jack's house this late at night, but that he seemed to expect it, so Daniel turned his attention to the diary.

//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//
It's amazing how often Thor pops into our world.  Sometimes we save him; sometimes he saves us.  Last year, we met up with Thor during that mess with Frank Simmons and Adrian Conrad.  They had managed to negotiate their way out of jail and steal the Prometheus while we gave their unsuspecting accomplice, a news reporter and her crew, a tour of the ship.  Unfortunately, the camera crew turned out to work for Simmons.

Long story short, Simmons and Conrad highjacked the ship with Sam and I aboard.  My Jack was not a happy camper, and according to Paul, ripped into him furiously when he arrived at the ground facility.  Jack panics when we get separated like that.  Who am I kidding?  I do the same thing.  It's what I'm doing now as I write about our adventures with Thor.

Eventually, Jack and Teal'c managed to use the X-303 (who names these things, anyway?) to sneak in under the ship's radar, and board the ship undetected.  It gets a bit confusing, but apparently Simmons and Conrad duked it out, and Simmons won, but Conrad's Goa'uld jumped into Simmons.  Simmons attacked Jack and Teal'c, and somehow Jack managed to open the outer doors, and Simmons was sucked into outer space.

Then, the bad news hit.  We were somewhere in outer space, but we didn't know where.  Sam said without knowing where we were, she didn't know how to get us home.  Suddenly, Thor showed up.  He ignored me again.  I don't know why he doesn't like me, but he acted like I wasn't even there.

At any rate, Thor asked for our help.  The Replicators had overrun the Asgard home world.  The Asgard had set a trap for the Replicators using a time dilation device that would essentially trap all of the Replicators in a bubble where time passed much slower than real time.  It's a bit confusing.  Sam understands it though.

The point was, the Asgard wanted us to fly into the area and repair the device which had been damaged.  En route, Thor discovered the Replicators had actually reversed the device, meaning they were gaining experience and technology at a much greater pace than we were.  We had to stop them.  Thor left us at this point.

When we arrived on the planet, we found the Replicators had taken human form. One of the creatures invaded the unconscious mind of My Jack.  He cried out in pain, and I wanted to run to him, but I couldn't.  Thirty-seven hours later we all woke up, each of us having relived some nightmare from our lives.

Fortunately, Sam was able to convince one of the evolved Replicators to help us. We had to trick him, though, because the Replicators could read each other's minds and if he knew the exact plan, the others could find out.  Jack didn't like doing it, and I challenged him on it, but he was right.  We didn't really have a choice.

We went home and watched the stars that night, grateful we were still together, alive and well.  Holding each other, we talked about what had happened.

“We didn't have a choice, Danny.  I know you think we used that thing's ... his ...”

“Humanity, Jack.  He trusted Sam.”

“He wasn't human, Daniel.”

“Jack, we went through this with Reese.  We ... we won't agree on this, not completely.”

“Danny ...”

I reached in, put my arm in his, and lay my head on his shoulder.

“Jack, it's okay.  You did what you thought you had to do to save us, and Earth.  We can 'what if' to death.  The Replicators were evolving.  I know that.  I'm not ... angry, but I wish we hadn't had to lie to him, because yes, I did see his humanity, but ... just like with Reese, I know you didn't have a choice.”

“I don't deserve you, Danny.”

“No, you don't, but you're stuck with me anyway.”

“Gee, thanks.  Danny, I am sorry.  I really wish I could see things the way you do.”

“I don't.  Jack, we are who we are.  You've told me over and over that you don't want me to lose my ideals or morality.  You've even gone so far as to regret that I ... well, that I can be military when I have to, now.  I don't want you to be anyone but who you are either, Jack.  You're an intelligent, compassionate, strong person and you have a giant-sized heart, O'Neill.  You just try and hide it from others.”

“Not from you.”

“You can't.”

“Wouldn't want to.”

“I love you, Jack, even if you do prefer big honkin' guns over artifacts.”

“Love you, Danny.”

Love always wins with My Jack and me, no matter how wide our differences may seem.  There's nothing we can't beat when we're together.
//End of Daniel's Diary//

Darkness had overtaken the sky, and Daniel could see the half-moon from the window in the study.  He walked over to the sofa and sat down, looking up at the stars, wondering how long Thor was going to keep his lover away from him.

A peek at the clock revealed it was now one in the morning.  Yesterday had been one very long day, and today wasn't looking any better.  Jack had been gone for twenty-five-and-a-half hours.

~But who's counting~ Daniel rebuffed in his mind.  After a while, he walked to the living room and fed their fish.  “Hey, fishies, hungry?”

Daniel watched the colorful creatures swim around, taking turns coming to the top to take in the nourishment.  He studied them with fascination, needing something to focus his mind on, but then one of the fish came to the edge of the tank, and he could swear he was staring at him, as if chastising the human for forgetting to feed him and his fellow fish earlier.

“Sorry about the late feeding.  I'm a little ... depressed at the moment.”  The fish seemed to listen, so Daniel continued, “Okay, Jack's gone and I'm sorta feeling ... sappy about it, okay?”  The fish turned and swam around the tank.  He laughed.  “Don't like sappy, huh?”

The archaeologist strolled outside to take in the late night air.  As it was the night before, it was cold, but the stingy breeze served a purpose, making the young man feel alive when inside he felt dead without his lover.  He looked back at the house, their house.  His name was on the property title now.  He felt like he finally had it all, almost.

~The big day, so close -- I ... I can almost feel it, Jack.~

Daniel's right foot reached out over a rough patch of green lawn, patting it.

Bijou and Katie stuck their heads out of the door to their deluxe doghouse.  Jack had built the house himself, after doing lots of research on the best type of design to keep them warm and comfortable.  Thinking of Jack spending all that time just to make sure their babies, their children, had a proper home warmed Daniel's heart.

Daniel looked over at them and smiled as he told the girls, “It's okay.  He'll be home soon.  Go back to sleep.”

As if they understood every word, Bijou and Katie went back inside and curled up side by side into little balls.

Daniel stood quietly, taking in their house, thinking about their dogs, remembering the years of happiness he and Jack had shared together.  He finally had a home, in spirit and in reality, but there was still one more thing he wanted -- the ceremony.  He'd wanted since their anniversary a few months before.  He thought back to how they had teased that June evening.

“Are we engaged?” Daniel had asked teasingly.

Jack had responded, “Danny, Love, I think we've been engaged from the day we met.”

Beyond their light discussion of that night and a few scattered comments over the years, the two had never seriously talked about marriage.  They were forever, Jack and Daniel, and Daniel knew it, but he wanted the tradition, as much as they could have, anyway.  Finally, he'd gathered together his courage and proposed.

~I want it all, Jack, and we're going to have it!~  Daniel looked up and spoke, “Do you hear me, Thor?  You bring him back ... safe.”  He lowered his head, thinking, ~I won't lose him now.  We're too close to ... to having it all.~


Back inside the house, Daniel refilled his coffee.  The young man was drained, both physically and mentally.  He didn't quite understand how he was still functioning.  After a series of yawns, he headed towards the study, intending to work some more on the computer diary, but his frustration took a hold of him once again.

The temporarily unhappy man stopped for a moment and shouted upward, “DANG YOU, THOR.  THIS ISN'T FAIR.  YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THIS.  I WANT MY JACK BACK ... AND IT HAD BETTER BE SOON ... AND ... AND ... AND YOU HEAR ME, THOR, HE'D BETTER BE IN ONE PIECE! ... AND ALIVE!”

Then Daniel glanced over at a video shelf full of some of Jack's favorite films.  On the shelf he noticed, “The Day the Earth Stood Still” and next to it “Independence Day.”

A wicked smile appeared on Daniel's face.  He made his way to the garage, and found a box marked 'Halloween'.  He pulled out a plastic bag and found the air plug.  Blowing through the device, it wasn't long before he had finished, and he securely fastened the stopper into the plug so that no air would escape.  He took the inflated item into the house and stood there looking at it.

~What to use?~  Daniel looked around.  ~Jack's gun?  A kitchen knife?  Shades of “Psycho”.  Yeah, that'll work.~  

Daniel wasn't acting rationally, his fatigue and stress at Jack's absence taking its toll.  He was an archaeologist who was missing his most precious artifact, and after four days of little rest, rationality wasn't high on his list of priorities.  He wanted Jack, but not having him, he wanted “revenge,” Daniel chortled.  His Mister Hyde personality rushed to the surface.

The man on a mission walked to the kitchen and picked up a knife from the silverware drawer, but staring at the object upon his return, he changed his mind.

~It would be over too quickly.~

A light bulb went off in his mind.  Setting the knife on the counter, Daniel went to the hall closet and took out a four-foot duster, the kind that is used to get cobwebs down when cleaning.  He put the inflated item on the floor and made sure he was away from anything breakable.  Then he took the duster and held it in his hands.

“This is so going to destroy my image,” Daniel spoke matter-of-factly.  Then he laughed, “Hey, who's going to know?”  He started his motion, but stopped dramatically.  ~The girls.  Be right back, you annoying alien.~  He checked on Bijou and Katie, making sure they were safely outside.  He drew the blinds, not wanting them to see what he was about to do and become upset by it.  That done, he returned to his spot.  ~Okay, little gray butt, right now, it's all about me, Daniel Jackson, and how you've taken my lover away from me!~

With that, Daniel took the duster and whacked the blown-up doll, which was the mirror image of Thor.  It was exactly three-feet tall and had the same big, black oval eyes like Thor has.  It was even gray in color.

Jack and Daniel had run across the replica years ago while wandering through a sci-fi memorabilia store at a mall in Los Angeles.

“Jack, you have a sick idea of how to spend a vacation,” Daniel commented as the lovers strolled through the crowded shop.  It wasn't crowded with shoppers, but the store itself was full of items, shelves full of replicas, models, posters, and other memorabilia.  ~We could be at the beach, or at the hotel doing ... you know.~

“Hey, look!” Jack exclaimed, picking up a green glob.  “It's Slimer.”

“Whatever you say, Babe,” Daniel responded, rolling his eyes at his lover's child-like joy at being in the established.

“Gort!” Jack called out, picking up a large model of the movie robot.

~What is it about that movie that he loves so much?~ Daniel wondered as he watched Jack play with the model.  ~He's always humming the theme music,~ he recalled, having come upon the older man on several occasions watching the flick with the sound down and providing his own hum as the soundtrack.  ~Strange, O'Neill, very strange.~  He looked at Jack, who had the Gort model in front of his face and, acting like a ventriloquist, was quoting some of the movie's dialogue.  With a smile and sigh, he thought, ~But I love him.~

**Love you, too, Angel.**

“Eavesdropper,” Daniel said aloud.

As he put Gort back, Jack smiled and headed over for another aisle to see what was there.

“Jack, look at this,” the archaeologist called out, waving for his lover to join him.

“He should have taken his vitamins,” Jack teased about the alien that stood at the corner of one of the aisles.

The couple knew that the toy was supposed to represent the typical American conception of an alien from Roswell, the infamous Area 51 of popular legend.

“It's a good copy,” Daniel noted.

“Sure looks like Thor to me,” Jack agreed.  “Danny ...”

“Jack, what are we going to do with a rubberized Thor?” Daniel questioned.

“There's always Halloween,” Jack replied.  “Come on, Danny.  He's cute!”

Daniel laughed, “I guess so.”

“Daniel?” Jack challenged.

“Okay, Babe.  Let's buy Thor.  You're right; he might come in handy one day.”
//End of Flashback//

As Jack had suggested, the couple used the life-size Thor to decorate their home during Halloween, and it had always made for a good laugh during the SGC costume party, too, especially the time when Sergeant Siler had gotten plastered and began to get a bit too familiar with the alien toy.

**He's a little ... odd sometimes,** Jack had communicated to his lover.

**Jack, have you ever met Siler's wife?**

**No, why?**

**I don't know.  It just seems like every time she's supposed to be at something, she's out of town.  It's just ... curious, that's all,** Daniel had remarked.

**Well, if I were her, I'd be a little worried,** Jack responded.  **I'm gonna go save our Thor.**

Daniel laughed at the memory for a moment, but it didn't halt his rampage.  If anything, it spurred him on.  He spent the next several minutes swatting, hitting, thumping, and out-and-out attacking the plastic figure.

“LITTLE GRAY BUTT ... <swat> ... I WANT ... <hit> ... MY JACK ... <kick> ... BACK NOW! ... <thwap> ... DO YOU HEAR ME ... <toss across the room> ... YOU LITTLE GRAY BUTT ... <swat>?”

The young man's therapeutic assault continued for several minutes until his arms hurt from the violent movements.  He took a final whack, and then, not caring about the repercussions, he grabbed the kitchen knife and flung it towards the object.  It hit dead center, causing the air to audibly wheeze out from the 'dying' alien.

Daniel sank to the carpeted floor and watched until his Thor was nothing but a layer of plastic, crumpled near the couch.

“Sometimes I hate you, Thor.”  Daniel sat there motionless,  staring at the 'dead' Thor for quite a while.  He was beyond tired.  ~I'm sorry.~  Finally, he stood up.  “Geez, Jack,” he said aloud, pushing Mister Hyde back into the deepest recesses of his being.

The archaeologist shook his head at what he'd done.  This was the first time he'd ever done such a thing.  Still reeling from his actions, he picked up the knife and put it into the sink, knowing that if he forgot to pick it up before letting the beagles back inside the house that they could get hurt on it.

“Gawd,” Daniel said aloud as he again stared at the 'dead' alien representation.

His actions had been a momentary release, and, yet, Daniel still felt the need to escape.  He wanted to sleep, but knew he wouldn't be able to, so he returned to his escape of words, leaving the evidence of his attack where it had 'died'.

//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//
It was only a few months ago that the little gray butts butted in again, and this time did some permanent damage.  They cloned My Jack.  It was a nightmare.  The only reason we found out about it was because there had been a defect in the clone.  It ... he ... didn't age.

Jack and I had gone home after a long day at the SGC and pigged out on Chinese.  There was a documentary I had wanted to see so we settled on the couch, and decided we'd clean up later.  Jack was sitting and I was lying down, my head on his lap.  I love my personal Jack pillow; always warm and comfy, but that's neither here nor there.  We watched the show, and then I remembered.

“Jack, I forgot.  I can't believe I forgot.”

I shot up off the couch.

“Danny, what?”

“SG-15 is going to PC8-929 tomorrow, and I was supposed to finish that translation in time for Franklin to study it before they left.  Jack, they need that translation.  It could be the key to the negotiations.”

“Whoa, slow down, Danny.  It's not the end of the world.”

“Jack, I forgot.  I never forget things like this.  I can't ... I ...”

Jack got up and pulling me into an embrace, assuring me, “Shh, Love, it's okay.  I know about that mission, and yes, it's important, but the world isn't going to end here because your report is a little late.”

Jack held me tight, which was a good thing since I was a quivering bundle of nerves.

“Jack, it's my job.  You wouldn't be so ... understanding if it was SG-1 going tomorrow.”

Jack pulled back and looked into my eyes as he said, “Okay, it's only 9 p.m.  I know you, and you won't relax until you get this handled, so why don't you just calm down, and head for the Mountain?  I bet you can have it translated in a jiffy.”

I looked down.


“I ... I can do it, Jack, but it's going to take at least four or five hours to get it done and do the report.”

Jack kissed me, pulling our bodies close together.

“It's okay.  You have to do this, and I don't like it, but I understand, so let's get dressed, and go to work.”

“Jack, we had a long day.  I don't want to feel guilty because you didn't get any sleep.”

“You think I'll be able to sleep here in that big bed without you?”

I put his arms around Jack's neck, caressing it and fingering Jack's sexy silver-gray hair.

“Please, Jack.  You'll sleep better here, and if not, you can clean.  We sort of overdid the Chinese tonight.”

“Someone was hungry,” Jack teased.

“Anyway, we can meet up for breakfast at the commissary in the morning.  Okay?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Doctor Jackson.  It's a deal but only if you ...”

“... seal it with a kiss?”

“... or two or three.”

Ten minutes later, we were still clinging to each other.

“Jack ...”

My Love grumbled, “Go on.”

I changed out of my sweats into some khaki pants and a blue plaid shirt and then went downstairs where Jack was waiting by the door with his blue jacket.  I smiled as Jack helped me put on my coat.  Turning me around to face him, Jack zipped up the warm coat and then leaned in for a final kiss.

“Call me when you get there, Angel.  I know ... I know ... but just humor me, okay?”

“I do, Love ... every time you call me Angel, and when you want me to wear blue, and ...”

“I love you, Danny,” Jack said, smiling as he cut off his lover's teasing list.

“Love you, Jack, always.”

The next morning, with the translation finished, and the report given to Franklin in plenty of time for him to become familiar with it, I headed for our meeting place, but Jack wasn't there.  I figured maybe he had slept in, so I didn't call, not wanting to wake him.

The next thing I knew, General Hammond had summoned us to one of the holding cells, and there was this teenager who claimed to be Jack.  My heart sank to the ground.

“This is a joke,” I told myself over and over.

At first, we thought it really was Jack, but Selmak figured out it was a clone, which meant somewhere “up there” was My Jack, and I wanted him back ... now!

What we eventually learned was that even the Asgard have their Makepeaces and Maybournes to worry about.  This one was Loki, a renegade geneticist of a sort.  He'd been doing research on humans for decades, temporarily replacing his subjects with clones until he was done with them.  Thor was not pleased.  Neither was I.  It may have been the last straw.

I'm normally a much more tolerant guy, but I'm getting as tired of the little gray butts interfering in My Jack's life as he is tired of the Tok'ra.

It's not just Jack, but out there, living a life as a teenager, is the clone Jack.  He knows, feels, remembers all that My Jack does, and yet he's in our society, acting like a fifteen-year-old.  How can someone who has experienced all that Jack has go back in time like that?

I feel sorry for clone Jack.  He's supposed to be worrying about girls and entrance exams, and yet he has memories of Sara and Charlie, Kawalsky, Iraq ... and ... me.

“He has to go, Daniel.  He can't be here with us.  You have to know that.”

“Jack, he's not a kid.  I don't care how much he looks like one, or how much he talks about wanting to start over, he's out there, with your life in his mind.”

“And he's making a new one, his own existence,” Jack stated.

“Walking away from the Stargate, from Special Ops, from flying?  And what about ...”

I hesitated.

“Danny, I know it's not an easy choice, but what other choice is there?  Kill him?”

“Jack, no, of course not.  But ... I don't know.  It's confusing.  I don't even know what's right.  It just makes me feel ... uneasy, and as difficult as it is for us to know he's out there, it has to be ten times as hard for him to know what he walked away from.”

“You.  You are the only thing that it was hard for him to leave, Daniel.  The rest ... means nothing when compared to you.”

“But ... he doesn't have me, Jack; he doesn't have ... anyone.  It's ... wrong; it's just wrong.”

Jack held me in his arms, tears escaping from my eyes for reasons I couldn't understand.

“Shhh, Babe, I know.  I know.”

He rubbed my back and kissed my neck, and then I sought out his tonsils, and we fought for domination.  It was over way too fast, but we clung to each other tightly, having no answers about clone Jack except that My Jack and I would never forget him.  I do wish I could forget about Loki, though.
//End of Daniel's Diary//

“Loki?  Freakin' little gray butt.  Freakin' Assssgard.  I've had enough.  THOR, DO YOU HEAR ME?  It's been thirty-two hours, and I want Jack back, now.  THOR, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I KNOW YOU ARE MONITORING ME.  THOR!  Stupid little gray butt.”

Daniel paced all over the living room, ranting at Thor and the Asgard.


Ten minutes later, Daniel gave up his verbal outcries, grabbing the bottle of St. Julien's instead and pouring himself a large glass of wine.  Tenderly, he starred at the full goblet.

Jack always made sure they had a bottle of St. Julien's in the house.  It wasn't always the preferred and rare 1959, but the full-bodied wine was always good no matter what the year, so Jack indulged his lover with various years as much as possible.  This bottle was from 1962.

~Why not?~  Daniel took a sip.  “Oh, to heck with it,” he said moments later, downing the entire goblet full of wine.  He stood up and yelled, “I AM MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE.  I'VE HAD ONE CRAPPY WEEK, THOR, AND I WANT JACK BACK -- NOW, even if that is from some stupid movie Jack made me watch one night.”

Daniel started to throw the glass into the fireplace, but stopped himself just in time.

~These goblets were Jack's mother's.~  With a sigh, Daniel plopped down onto the couch in despair.  “I love you, Jack.”

With a swoosh, Jack reappeared behind the sofa and chimed, “Love you, too, Space Monkey.”

“Jack!” Daniel exclaimed as he hopped up and ran around the couch into the open arms of his lover, who promptly began to ravish every inch of his mouth. “You taste so good, Jack.”

“So do you.  Hmmm ... finished the Beychevelle?”

“No, not quite.  I just ... dented it a little.”

Daniel rested his head on Jack's shoulder as Jack held him tightly.  Daniel's hand clung to Jack's shirt.  No way was Thor going to beam him out again without Daniel.

~Nope, not gonna happen,~ Daniel thought silently, smiling at the warmth of Jack's body touching his.

“I missed you, Angel.”  Jack's hold was tight.  He knew at a glance Daniel had been going through a rough time while he was gone, but for Jack, it wasn't any fun either.  He held his heart in his arms and squeezed Daniel into him.  There was no such thing as being too close right now.  “Are you okay?”

“Me, too, Jack, missed you so much, so freakin' much.  I thought I was going to lose my mind,” Daniel responded, responding to the sentiment but not answering the question.

Jack didn't need the question answered, though.  He saw Daniel's tired red eyes; he heard the weariness in his lover's voice; and he could feel Daniel was still tense as he held him, the young man's muscles tight beneath his fingers.  He caressed his lover's back and kissed his forehead, leaning his head into Daniel's for a moment.

“That bad, eh?”

“It had better have been important, Jack,” Daniel replied.

Jack nodded, saying, “It was.  You wouldn't believe the mess Freyr almost got the Asgard into.”

“Jack, right now I don't particularly care what happens to the Assssgard.”

Jack laughed, “You really did miss me, didn't ya?”

“I'm such a sap, Jack. I don't even understand me anymore, except that I hate it when we're apart, especially when you're who knows where in the galaxy and those freakin' little gray butts won't let me go with you.”

Jack sighed softly, the sigh coming forth with a hint of a laugh in it, as Jack continued to hold his precious lover.

“I understand.  We're part of each other in a big, honkin' way.  What we are together is bigger than either of us individually, so when one of us is gone, it's like we've lost our other half, and in my case, my better half.”

“No, Jack.”

“Shhh, Danny, my turn.  I know what you are going to say, and I'm proud of what I've contributed, but you're special, Danny, one-of-a-kind.  They just don't come any better, and why I am the lucky one that you've given your heart to I'll never know, but I'm not dumb.  I may act like it, but I'm not, and I'm not about to let you go, not ever.”

“Good, because I'm not going anywhere.”

“Oh, yes, you are,” Jack stated confidently.

“Wha...what?” Daniel questioned as he tried to shift his position to look at Jack's face.

Jack wasn't loosening his hold, though, as he explained, “Upstairs, to bed, where we have some unfinished business.”

Daniel sighed happily, “I could stay right here forever in your arms, Jack, and be happy.”

“Okay, we'll just stay here.”

Daniel broke away from Jack's hold, and, grabbing his lover's hands, said ardently, “No way, O'Neill, let's go ...”

As they walked towards the stairs, Jack noticed something strange out of the corner of his eye.  He stopped and looked, recognizing what was once a holiday decoration laying battered on the floor.

“Danny, what happened to ... Thor?”

“I, uh, got a little ...”

Daniel bowed his head and looked over towards the patio door, his face turning red with embarrassment, watching as his lover walked over and picked up the deflated alien, closely examining the stab wound.

“You did this?” Jack asked.  When Daniel sighed and nodded, he laughed, causing Daniel to fidget and fold his arms in a self-hug position.  “That's My Danny, always amazing me with new facets to your personality.”

As Daniel groaned, Jack walked to him and tried to get the evasive young man to look at him. It took a bit of finesse, but, finally, he simply reached out, placed his hand under Daniel's chin, and raised it to meet his gaze.

“I love you, even if you did destroy Thor.”  Jack kissed his Heart, who was still a bit timid.  “Hey, it's okay.  It wasn't really Thor, you know.”

“I know, but ... Jack, I ... I liked it.  I was so angry.”

“Daniel, you didn't know what was happening, and you were worried about me.  You got a bit of stress relief in the most harmless way possible.  What's wrong with that?”

Daniel softened, releasing his hold on himself in favor of leaning into Jack, his arms going around his lover's waist.  Jack's arms wrapped around the younger man, his hands making smooth circles that comforted his lover.

“Besides, I'm proud of you, Danny.”

“Proud?  Why?”

“Because, my beautiful falling star, a few years ago, you never would have done this, used some meaningless object to make yourself feel better.  You would have kept in every ounce of your stress and frustration and let it fester, and when I got back, you would have been a quivering mound of jelly.

“I would know you were upset, because I always know when something is bothering you, Danny, and when I would have asked what was wrong, you would have said 'I'm fine, Jack'.

“Keeping that stuff pent up isn't healthy, Daniel, so yes, I'm proud of you, and I'm also happy you're finally secure enough to destroy ole Thor over there.  There's nothing to feel guilty about, Danny.  In fact, maybe we should go shopping and find a dozen more Thor's for future stress relief sessions.”


Daniel hadn't moved within his lover's embrace, but Jack could feel him relax and he sensed his lover was calm.  Jack brought his left hand up and placed it over Daniel's, which was lingering over his chest.  Then he brought his Love's hand to his mouth and kissed his palm, and then released it, his arms going back around Daniel and squeezing him again.

Jack felt like he could stay like this forever, holding Daniel in his arms and not have a single regret.

Daniel felt at peace at last as Jack held and caressed him with such love.  No one in the universe made him feel the way Jack could just by holding him.

“What are we going to say to Teal'c?  He practically lives for Halloween to ... play with Thor.”

“I bet I can fix him, Thor, that is. It looks like it was one fell swoop. We'll say Thor had a little accident with something sharp.” Jack paused, then stated, “I’ll use duct tape; it's gray, just like Thor.”

Daniel pulled back and looked into Jack's eyes, commenting, “Now you sound like that MacGyver guy.”  After a shared chuckle, he grew serious again.  “I'm sorry I ... stabbed him.  I know how much you like having him out on Halloween.”

“Not nearly as much as I like having you all year long, which reminds me ... unfinished business, Doctor Jackson ... upstairs!”

“Oh, yeah.”


Upstairs, as Jack pulled off the gray sweatshirt Daniel wore, he noted with a grin, “Hey, you're wearing my shirt.”

Daniel blushed, shyly explaining, “I ... I missed you.”

Jack pulled Daniel down onto their king-size bed.  They finished undressing as they caressed and kissed, until finally, their passion grew to what it had been the last time they had been together in their bedroom.  Daniel was straddling Jack, laying down a line of kisses on his chest from his neck to his belly button.

Suddenly, Daniel stopped and looked at his lover.

“Daniel, what's wrong?”

“Jack, did you talk to Thor about ...”  He bristled when Jack only laughed.  “I mean it, Jack.  I'm not letting him get away with this anymore.  He's done it too many times, and, by the way, we need to talk about General Hammond.  He called and ...”

“Danny, please don't mention the general when you're on my lap all naked and ... up ... like that.  It just doesn't seem right.”  Jack reached up, cupped Daniel's face, and pulled him down.  “Mine,” he spoke sweetly as he kissed his lover possessively.

“Mine *only* if you took care of things,” Daniel threatened without much zeal.

Jack chuckled, then reassured his Love, “It's okay, Angel, I did talk to him.  No more unannounced drop-ins or zapping outs.  Okay?”

“Are you sure, Jack?”

“He promised.  Now, do you really want to keep talking about Thor or ...”

“I'll take the 'or', please.  Besides, I much prefer your butt over their little gray butts.”

Jack laughed, “Thank goodness for that!”

~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~
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