Melons, Fiber and Krispy Kremes

Author:  Orrymain
Category: Slash, Humor, Romance, Established Relationship
Pairing: Jack/Daniel ... and it's all J/D
Rating:  NC-17 (my very first one; the boys begged me!)
Season:  6 - April 16, 2003
Spoilers:  None
Size:  50kb
Written:  August 8-9, 12-14, 16-17, 2003  Revised:  January 11, February 16, 2005, February 22-23, May 9,20, July 9-10, 2007
Summary:  Jack and Daniel go grocery shopping and find beautiful women, melons, donuts, and even, dare I say it, sex!
Disclaimer:  Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't.  A gal can dream though!
1) Sometimes, Jack and Daniel speak almost telepathically.  Their “silent” words to each other are indicated by asterisks instead of quotes, such as **Jack, we can't.**
2) Silent, unspoken thoughts by various characters are indicated with ~ in front and behind them, such as ~Where am I?~
3) Just a note as I've had lots of inquiries:  the major events depicted in the story are based on real events that have happened to friends of mine.
4) This fic stands alone, but it is an epilogue (by reader request) to “Never a False Step”
5) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better:  Judy, QuinGem, Linda, Claudia!

Melons, Fiber and Krispy Kremes
by Orrymain

SG-1 had been extremely busy lately, with Jack and Daniel both involved in several extra projects.  Aside from the frustration of not having much time to spend together until this weekend, the worst result of all their overtime was that neither had had much time to tend to household chores, including grocery shopping.

The couple had planned on shopping the night before, but spontaneously ended up entangled in each other's bodies, their passion exploding, thus suspending their taste for steak and potatoes in favor of the taste of each other.

The next morning, they took one look at the single cans of spaghetti sauce, peas, and cauliflower that graced their nearly bare cupboards and suggested in unison, “Breakfast out?”

“Denny's?” Daniel asked about one popular restaurant that was always open for breakfast.

“Nah, IHOP,” Jack responded, referring to the Intenational House of Pancakes, better known as IHOP.

Twenty minutes later, the lovers were seated in a booth at the nearest IHOP, where Jack selected the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity meal with blueberries.

“It's not that I love the meal, Daniel, but I can't resist saying the name,” Jack explained as he placed his order, resulting in a bit of a sneer from their waitress.

**Jack, be nice.**

**I am, always,** Jack replied, smiling at his lover and ignoring the brunette woman who was now looking at the younger man in expectation of hearing what he wanted.

“Um, Belgian waffles with strawberries,” Daniel requested with a warm smile.  “And coffee, please.”  As the waitress nodded, he added, “Thank you.”

“Stop trying to one-up me with the help,” Jack teased.

“Don't refer to her as the help,” Daniel replied.  “She's a waitress, and she deserves our respect.”

“I respect her,” Jack argued lightly.

“Then be polite!”

“What did I say that was wrong?” the bewildered colonel asked, clueless as to his infraction.

“You belittled the food.”

“I did not,” Jack denied.

“Did, too.”


“Too,” Daniel said, grinning.

“It's not like it belongs to her,” Jack stated.

“People like to believe that their employers do their best.  You wouldn't want anyone belittling the military or government, would you?” Daniel asked innocently.  As Jack just stared at him, the archaeologist swallowed and gave a small smile.  “Bad example,” he chuckled.

The two men began to laugh together, shining chocolate eyes gazing into sparkling blue eyes.  Soon, they were talking about other things as they waited for their food to be served.

“Belgian waffles for you, Sir,” the waitress spoke with a smile, carefully placing Daniel's plate in front of him and then continuing to point out all the extras.  “I'll be close by, if you need more coffee.”

“Thank you very much,” Daniel responded.

“Here's your Rooty Tooty,” the waitress said to Jack as she plopped the plate down in front of him and turned around without saying another word.

“Hey!” Jack objected.

“Jack, eat!” Daniel ordered amid a laugh.

~He's right,~ Jack thought.  He took one bite of his Rooty Tooty and then found himself watching his lover.  He smiled, hearing his soulmate sigh contently after eating the first few bites of his waffles.  Daniel's eyes were closed, and Jack could tell he had chewed the food leisurely, savoring every moment of the taste in his mouth.  “Geez, Danny, you look like you're about to have an orgasm.  I thought that was reserved for me.”  Jokingly, he teased, “And maybe chocolate.”

Daniel was so shocked, he spit out a bite, coughing several times.

“You okay?”


Knowing Daniel wasn't hurt, Jack broke out into laughter.

The laughter prompted Daniel to give his Love a chastising look and warn, “Jack, you are so going to pay for that!”

“Promises, promises,” Jack said, a gleam of anticipation in his eyes.

“Sir, are you all right?” the waitress asked with alarm as she hurried over to the table.

“I'm fine,” Daniel assured.

“Yes, he is,” Jack added.  “Ma'am, we appreciate your concern and your fine service today.  Management should be proud to have such a capable worker as yourself working for them.  I imagine it's not easy, having to serve grumps like me all day long.  Here, let me give you your tip now and apologize for my earlier behavior,” he said, pulling out a ten dollar bill and handing to the dumbfounded woman.  With his best Irish grin, he added, “Now, Ma'am, would it be too much trouble to get a few more strawberries for his waffles, and, if it's not a bother, could I have some hash browns?”

“No bother at all, Sir,” the waitress said with a smile, all traces of coldness having been chased away by Jack's charm.  “I'll be right back.”

As Jack continued to grin, Daniel just shook his head.

**Malarkey, Babe?**

**No one can spew it like me, Love,** Jack laughed.

**I think it was the tip.**

**Can't go wrong with a ten-spot,** Jack agreed.  ~I've been watching her; she's good.  I think that ten will go a long way,~ he thought as the lovers continued with their breakfast.


With their stomachs now fed, the couple made their way to their neighborhood supermarket and began their shopping in earnest.

“I'll get the meat, Daniel, while you get the deli stuff.”

“Okay,” the younger man agreed.  As he started to walk off, he stopped and asked, “Jack, do you want the honey roasted or the Virginia ham this time?”

“Whatever you want is fine, but make sure they slice the meat thinner.  Last time it was too thick for the sandwiches,” Jack answered.

Daniel nodded and went over to the deli.  He pulled out a number from the red ticket dispenser and glanced at the overhead counter.  He had three people ahead of him.  As he waited for his number to be called, he scrutinized the items through the glass window, trying to decide how much to get of each item on their list.


Meanwhile, Jack made his way down the meat aisle.  As he scanned the steak section, his mind was riveted back to an argument the lovers had had a few weeks earlier.

~I can't believe Daniel picked up those lousy cube steaks last time.~

“Jack, I'm tired, and I was in a hurry.  I had to finish those translations and drop off the report to General Hammond, and then I had to pick up the VCR from the shop, *your* VCR I might add, that you could just as easily have picked up on your way home; then I had that appointment with Professor McClain at the university.  As it was, I barely made it to the store before it closed, so just be happy you have them at all.  Besides, you said get steaks, but you didn't say what kind of steak.”

“What *kind*?” Jack bristled.  He held up the flimsy package as if offering it as evidence to his life partner as he argued, “Daniel, *steak* is not this ... this ... cubed cheap imitation. You know me better than that.”

“Really?”  Daniel folded his arms across his chest.  It wasn't a self-hug, but more of a defensive posture.  He responded, “Well, you also gave me a spending limit since you're just taking it to Siler's for a barbecue.”

“Daniel, I have an image to protect here.  Do you know what the entire SGC is going to say if I, Jack O'Neill, King of the Grill, walk in with these ... these tiny little red ... flat ... skinny ... corpses?”

~He's gone over the edge.~  Daniel's dropped down for a moment.  He couldn't believe Jack had just said that.  ~King of the Grill?  I don't think so.  Gawd, he's full of it sometimes.~  Forcefully, he argued, “Jack, it's steak.  You asked for steak, *cheap* steak.  Next time, be more specific, or don't give me a budget.  Better yet, Jack, next time, *buy it yourself!*”

Daniel turned in a huff and went to their bedroom, where he changed into his navy blue sweats and sprawled over the bed, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep and forget everything about demanding life partners, translations, and steaks.

Jack grumbled some more as he tossed the steaks into the refrigerator, bemoaning, ~A mouse wouldn't even eat this poor excuse for ... I can't even call it steak.~

It was a cold night for Jack as he refused to admit any wrong-doing for quite a while.  Then, he smiled as he glanced over at the photo on the mantle that had been taken at one of Hammond's Fourth of July barbecues.

~Ah, it's only steak, but My Danny, he's prime beef; he's the best filet ever created.  I should have been more specific.  O'Neill, he's right; you're wrong.  Now there's a headline ... not!~

A bit later, Jack humbly climbed the stairs and surprised his lover with two scrumptious Godiva truffles and a cup of Starbuck's Arabian Mocha Java coffee, one of Daniel's favorite exotic blends.  Jack counted his blessings for twenty-four hour services and forgiving archaeologists.

//End of Flashback//

Back in the moment at the supermarket, Jack bypassed the cube steaks in favor of other more appropriate selections, from rib eye to porterhouse.

~Now these are steaks!~


Daniel caught up to Jack at the dairy section, gently placing his deli meats in the basket.

As Jack grabbed some milk from the shelf, he asked, “Did you remind them to ...”

Daniel rolled his eyes, completing the sentence by saying, “... cut the meat thin?  Yes, Jack.”

“Good.  Let's hit the canned veggies,” Jack stated as he began to turn the cart.

“Where's the orange juice?” Daniel asked, having perused the cart and not seeing the desired item.

“I thought we'd get the concentrated, so we can make it as we need it,” Jack answered.

Walking over a few sections, the archaeologist picked up one half-gallon of orange juice and said, “Compromise.”

“Won't last long,” the older man chuckled, not getting any real response from his lover other than a smile and a shrug.

The men made their way through the store, adding various canned foods, some snack items, and a few household necessities like dish soap and window cleaner to their cart, before separating again.

“I'll get a head start on the produce, Jack, while you get the beverages.  Don't forget ...”

“... the coffee,” both spoke in unison and then laughed.

The older man teased, “It would be sacrilegious to forget your coffee.”

Daniel looked around and responded quietly, “Not to mention you'd be very lonely in bed.”

Jack coughed, seeing both the tease and the warning, and thought, ~Note to self:  make sure to pick up the right blend.~  With a smile, he asked, “Danny, do you want Pepsi or Coke?”

“Pepsi, Jack.  It's the real thing for the Pepsi generation!” Daniel quipped lightly.

“I knew you were tainted, Jackson.  Don't you know that Coke makes the world sing in harmony?  As a cultural expert, I would think you'd be devoted to anything that promotes such spirit.”

“I would, Jack, but they use that stuff to clean toilets.  Bring on the Pepsi!”

“You're sick, Daniel,” Jack teased, then turned his shopping cart to head up the soft drink aisle as his lover walked towards the produce department.

Reluctantly, Jack placed a generous supply of Pepsi in the cart, shaking his head at his inner thoughts.

~Ah, Danny, I wouldn't even let Sara bring this so-called soft drink into the house, but with you, whatever you want, you get; is that love or what?~

After adding a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew and one of Barq's Root Beer to the cart, Jack made his way to the coffee isle.  With visions of sleeping cold and alone running through his head, he made sure he selected the right coffee.  His task complete, he steered his way to meet up with his life partner.  

Jack turned the corner, arriving at the produce section and was stunned by the sight he beheld.  Smiling shyly by the cantaloupes was his appealing archaeologist, holding a melon in his hand, talking in lecture mode to a group of no less than six beautiful women.

All of the ladies were focused attentively on the young man's hands as he caressed the melon, apparently displaying the proper way to select a ripe melon.

Daniel spoke, “Well, it's not hard really.  You can sniff it; that's a big clue.  I know that sounds funny, but it really works.  Smell the rind, and if it's sweet, that's a good indicator the melon is ripe.”

“I think I'd feel a little funny doing that in a store, Daniel.  What would people think?”

The question came from a well-dressed woman in her twenties.  She had long black hair, and her shopping cart was already half full of fresh vegetables and fruits.

~Yeah, Lady, convince me you need help on how to pick produce,~ Jack smirked from a distance.

“Oh, I know, but I guess I've learned that people will think what they want anyway, and I'd rather let a stranger think I'm a bit 'off', than risk my ... my, uh, friend complaining about rotten fruit,” Daniel replied.

“But, Daniel, what if we want to *feeeel* the melon to find out if it's *riiiipppe*?”

That question had come from a tall, curvaceous blonde showing ~more cleavage than JLo~ in Jack's opinion.  She was dressed in a low cut pink blouse and a black mini-skirt.  As she spoke, Blondie, as Jack thought of her, touched the melon Daniel was holding, rubbing against the young man's hands in the process.

Jack thought Daniel might die on the spot, his eyes wide as Blondie practically threw herself at him in front of the others.

“Um, well, you can, uh,” Daniel looked away, choosing to focus to his left on the fifty-something brunette dressed in a conservative pantsuit as he responded, “... you can press here, at the end away from the stem.  See?  If you press here, and it's soft, than the melon should be ripe.  The softer the melon to your touch, the riper it is.”

A thirty-ish redhead laughed, “I can't believe it's taken me all these years to learn how to pick out a cantaloupe at the store.  I usually just grab one and go.”

Jack liked her, thinking, ~My type of girl!~ as the woman was dressed in blue jeans and a white tee shirt that said “Go Avalanche” on the back.

The hockey fan smiled thinking briefly about the season tickets Daniel had given him for his birthday last year.  The young man hated hockey, but he went with Jack to every game they were able to when home, and he always acted like there was no where else in the world he'd rather be.

~That's one of the reasons I love you so much, Danny, all those hockey games, just for me.~

“I know what you mean, Jeannine.  I used to just randomly pick up any old fruit, too, until I got tired of my melons not being as fresh as they should, especially since I'm ... gone a lot.  My work takes me out of town quite a lot,” Daniel said.

“Okay, so it should be soft down here and have a sweet fragrance,” Jeannine surmised as she pointed to the correct area of the melon and took a sniff, waiting for Daniel to confirm her statement.

“Right, and you can also tell by the color,” Daniel responded.  He elaborated, “Cantaloupes have a netted rind that is usually a ground color, but that will turn golden as it ripens.”

“Oh, Daniel, you're so smart about this.  My husband wouldn't be caught dead shopping.”

~Another fan heard from, and how come everyone knows your name, Danny?”~ Jack chuckled.  ~This kind of thing could only happen to you.~

This last comment had come from another woman, about twenty-eight Jack figured, slender, wearing a tight-fitting blue dress and white sandals.  She, like the others, was ~pawing~ Daniel occasionally, ostensibly to touch his melon and make sure they were pushing it correctly for ripeness.

~Watch those paws, Ladies!~  Jack continued to watch for a few minutes.  He could swear Daniel was blushing at all the attention from the doting females.  Though his Mr. Jealousy was on 'alert', he was actually reveling in the event because, after all, Daniel was going home with him.  ~Look, but don't touch.  He's mine, and he's staying mine!~

Jack's contentment, however, ended when Blondie whispered something in Daniel's ear that made his lover turn bright red and stutter what sounded like, “I've ... no, I've never ... used a melon for ... that ... before.”

~Enough of this melon-groping.~  Jack quickly approached his lover and the women who were his audience.  “Hey, Daniel, giving another lecture on produce management?”

“Oh, hi, Jack, no, I was just explaining how to pick out a ripe melon,” Daniel answered, inwardly pleased at his lover's arrival.

The ladies, however, weren't moving from their positions surrounding the younger man.  None of them had moved an inch, even.  All had said polite “hellos” to Jack, but they were still circled around the archaeologist, and the blonde was about to whisper something else in his ear.

“Daniel,” Jack bellowed.  “Why don't we let these ... ladies be on their way.  We've got a schedule to keep ourselves.”

“Sure, Jack.  Nice to meet all of you,” Daniel said and then placed his melon in their cart.

Jack was pleased the female shoppers finally took the hint and went about their business, except for Blondie.

“Here, Daniel,” the blonde said in a low, breathy voice, slipping a piece of paper in his hand as she pressed against him.  “Call me sometime; and I'll show you things about melons that will *bloooow* you away.”

~Who does she think she is -- Marilyn Monroe?~ Jack thought, shaking his head at her comment.

Daniel was once again bright red and gulped, “Tha... I mean, well ...”

The archaeologist was so shocked he didn't know what to say and finally just looked to Jack with begging eyes.

“Thanks, Blondie, but no thanks,” Jack said abruptly, pleased to be of service to his lover.  Taking the piece of paper Blondie had slipped into the Daniel's hand a moment earlier, he said, “He won't be needing this.”  He handed the paper back to the brazen woman and then tugged gently on Daniel's elbow.  “C'mon Danny, we still have a lot of shopping to do before *our* guests arrive tonight.”

The blonde's eyes widened as she watched Jack snatch Daniel's hand, grasping and holding it firmly in his as he pulled Daniel away.  Jack had a big smile on his face as he turned and glanced back at the gaping seductress.

“Better luck next time,” Jack called out proudly as they rounded the corner.

“Jack!  What are you doing?  Are you out of your freakin' mind?  We're in the Springs!” Daniel exclaimed in a quiet but raised voice.

Daniel was shocked at the very public display of affection.  He liked it, but he knew it was too risky.

Still holding his soulmate's hand, Jack responded, “Teaching that bimbo a lesson.  Geez, Danny, how many times do you think you can blush in the course of five minutes before you turn permanently red?  What the heck did she say anyway?”

Daniel gulped, saying, “You ... you don't want to know, Jack.”

Releasing Daniel's hand, Jack nodded and replied, “You're probably right, not if Blondie wants to walk out of here in one piece.  That flock of geese sure knew your name fast enough.  What did you do, flash a neon sign or something?”

“I was just being polite, Jack.  I always introduce myself.  You know, habit.”

Jack laughed, “At least you didn't tell them you were a peaceful explorer from ...”  Jack tensed slightly seeing Daniel looking away with embarrassment.  “Danny, you didn't?”

“No, but I sure had you going there for a minute.”

Jack grunted in a pained laughter and intoned, “Tease.”

“Crazy Man,” Daniel commented.

“Flirt,” the older man retorted.

“Jealous Maniac.”

“Always, where you're concerned,  Love,” Jack whispered, getting a sweet smile in response.  “Bread aisle is next.”

“Okay, you get that, and I'll go get the ...”

“No way, Dannyboy, I am not throwing you out in front of those she-wolves again.  We're sticking together so I can protect you.”

Daniel smiled as he challenged, “Protect me, Jack, or prevent you from making a jealous loon of yourself in front of the entire store?”

“That, too!” Jack agreed.

The lovers pushed their cart to the bread aisle, where Daniel picked up a loaf of white bread.  It was on top of another row and right in the middle.

“Daniel, you may know about produce, but your bread education is sadly lacking.”

“What are you talking about, Jack?” Daniel queried.

“What day is it today?”

Blinking as he stared at the strange question, the younger man remarked, “They say forgetfulness is a sign of senility, Jack.”

“Danny, don't be a smartie-cat, and just answer the question,” Jack ordered.

~Sometimes, he's such a child,~ Daniel thought.  With a sigh, he answered, “It's Thursday.”

“And what color twist tie is on that loaf of bread you pulled out?”

Daniel shook his head at his crazy partner, but inspected the packaging as requested and answered, “It's yellow.”

“Exactly.  That means this loaf of bread has been sitting on this shelf since last Saturday.  Here ...”  Jack fumbled through the shelf checking the twist ties, finally pulling one out.  “See, this one is red.”

“So?” Daniel questioned.  ~What's the big deal about the colors?~

“So, my little genius, a red twistie means it was delivered this morning,” Jack smirked cockily.

“And you know this how?”

“Years of shopping, Love.  Monday's ties are blue, Tuesday's are green, Thursday's are red, Friday's are white, and Saturday's deliveries come with yellow ties.”

“No deliveries on Wednesday?”

“Nope, and don't ask me why because I don't know.”  Jack took the loaf Daniel had selected and held it next to the one he had.  “And you can verify it here where they stamp the 'buy by' date.  Of course, they don't always do that, but it's a nice double check when they do.”

“You never cease to amaze me, Jack,” Daniel replied as he took the loaf he had selected from Jack and put it back on the self, while Jack put his loaf into the cart.  “How'd you learn that, and don't tell me years of shopping, Jack, because that's bunk.”

Jack laughed as he admitted, “Sara told me, after we separated.  She knew I'd be lost on my own, so she sent me a list of shopping tips.  The bread thing stuck out in my mind.  I thought it had to be crap, but I checked it out.  Sure enough, the fresher loaves matched the color of the twisties.”

~That's interesting, but ...~  It was time to move on, so Daniel asked, “What's next on the list?”



Arriving in the fresh baked goods department, Daniel asked, “Jack, why do you want donuts?”

“Because I do.”

“Very informative,” Daniel replied as he stared at some bagels, debating on whether or not to pick up a package.  ~Nah, we don't need them.~

“Thank you,” Jack said, bowing slightly as he chuckled.


“Thank you again, Daniel,” Jack interrupted and then swore softly as he looked at the selection of dried out pastries.  “I can't believe this.  It's only ten, and look at these, completely dried out, and they probably taste more like paste than pastries.”

“Jack, it's a grocery store, not a professional bakery,” Daniel pointed out, trying to keep his lover from causing a scene over donuts.

“Can I help you, gentlemen?  I'm Jim Johnston, the manager.  I didn't mean to eavesdrop on your conversation, but I was checking out the departments and couldn't help but hear you discussing the bakery.  Is there something specific that concerns you?” the man asked.

Extending his hand to meet the outstretched one of the manager, Jack responded, “Yes, thank you.  I'm Jack, and this is Daniel.  We've shopped here for several years, and I'm astounded that you never seem to have a decent donut.  I keep unusual hours, so understand if I show up at seven at night that the donuts might be old, but at ten in the morning, I expect a fresh pastry that's tasty, and these,” Jack pointed to the various shelved items, “do not qualify.”

“I'm sorry you feel that way.  We have an arrangement with another company, and they ship things to us, but sometimes they don't arrive in a timely manner.  It would be easier if our supplier was closer, but, unfortunately, they aren't,” Jim informed.

“I have a suggestion, Jim,” Jack said with a cocky smile.  “There's a Krispy Kreme over on East Platte.  Krispy Kremes are awesome.  Had them, Jim?”

Jim smiled knowingly, answering, “Of course; my family and I go there regularly.”

“It's near your home?” the colonel questioned.

“No, not really.”

“So you go out of your way to Krispy Kreme?” Jack inquired.

“Many times,” Jim conceded with a nod.

“As do we, and friends of ours from the Mountain,” Jack added.

“You're Air Force, then?”



Jack laughed at Daniel's first contribution to the conversation.

“I am.  Daniel is a consultant,” Jack clarified.  “The point is, Jim, that everyone loves the KKs.  Why not strike up a deal with the management?  Have them deliver several varieties here once, maybe twice a day.  Since they're on the other side of town, a lot of folks here will be grateful to be able to stop here instead of going all the way over there; plus, I'll bet you get new customers.  People who haven't bought Krispy Kremes before will try them and become customers.  KK will win, you will win, and I will finally get a fresh donut in the morning.”

“Interesting idea, Jack.  I'll give that some thought.  Thank you for the suggestion.”

“Anytime, Jim.”

“In the meantime,” Jim said, pulling a card and making a notation on the back of it.  “If you still want any of our pastries, give this to the checker, and it will be at half-price.”

“Thank you, Jim,” Jack replied pleasantly as he took the card, reviewed it, and then slipped it into his pocket.

The store manager gave a nod, turned, and headed towards the other end of the store.

“Good man.”  Jack started to walk away, expecting Daniel to follow, but realized after having gone a few feet that he was alone.  Turning, Jack called out, “You coming?”

Daniel shook his head, took a few quick paces to catch up with his partner, and commented, “Like I said, Jack, you never cease to amaze me.”

“You have to learn to seize the moment, Danny.  It's a great idea.”

“Are you going to tell me Sara gave you that idea in an email, Jack?”

“No, not Sara, and are you suggesting it wasn't my idea?” Jack asked, trying to act hurt by his lover's doubt.


The older man laughed in submission, admitting, “Okay, okay, Mister Know-it-All.  Remember Stan Ford, the guy we met during that big-wig gathering last fall at the Pentagon?”

“Yeah.  Worked for the C.I.A., didn't he?”

“That's the one,” the older man confirmed.  “He lives in Virginia and is a Krispy Kreme addict.  They had KK's there long before we got them out here.  He told me he convinced his store to make the same kind of deal because he got tired of driving to the other side of town for the donuts.  Turns out, it worked great.  I figured if it could work for Stan in Virginia, it could work for us in the Springs.”

“My genius.”

“Are you being sarcastic, Daniel?”

“Who ... me?” the younger man asked dryly.

Jack ignored the challenge, saying, “Let's move on.  Cereal is next.”

“Can't have you deprived of your Froot Loops, Jack.”


Arriving at the cereal aisle, Jack promptly picked up two boxes of Froot Loops and placed them in his cart.

“Okay, Danny, grab something, and let's go.”

“Hmmm,” Daniel expressed in contemplation, his finger tapping lightly against the end of his mouth as he walked slowly up and down the aisle, staring intently at the various brands of cereals he had to choose from.

“Danny, it's cereal.  How hard can it be?” Jack challenged.

“Very.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and there are several things to consider,” Daniel explained.

“Things?  Such as?”

“Fiber; fiber is very important for the diet, Jack.  Then there's calories, and, of course, sugar.  There's way too much sugar in most of these cereals,” Daniel stated as he picked up a box of Post 100% Bran and began to read the label.

~What's he doing?~ Jack wondered.

“Hmmm, natural wheat bran,” Daniel read quietly.  He replaced the item on the shelf and selected a box of Kellogg's Complete Wheat Bran Flakes and read its box.  “Whole wheat, wheat bran, sugar, high fructose corn syrup ...”

“Daniel, what are you reading?”

“The ingredients, Jack.  You don't expect me to buy just anything, do you?”

“Daniel, it's cereal, for crying out loud.  Just pick one!” Jack demanded, his shoulders raising as he spoke.  ~I can't believe he's doing this.~

Daniel ignored his frustrated lover as he picked up yet another box, this time Fiber One from General Mills.

“Number one in Fiber and Taste,” the archaeologist read aloud.  “Hmmm.”

~Okay, I've had enough of this.  I can think of ... oh, yeah, definitely a much better things for us to be doing,~ Jack thought.

With a smile, the colonel ambled casually up behind his lover.  He took a quick look around and saw that there was no one in sight.  He leaned in behind Daniel, their bodies brushing together.  He placed his hands on Daniel's waist and whispered something into his ear, then pulled back, and nonchalantly walked over to the shopping cart where he waited.

“Wha...what?”  Daniel dropped the box onto the floor and turned.  He wasn't just a shade of red, but was crimson red.  He gulped, asking, “You want to do *what* with the cereal?”

Jack smirked like the fox Daniel always said he was and instructed, “Make your selection, Daniel, and let's go home.”

Daniel turned to the shelves and grabbed a box, haphazardly throwing it into the cart, and pranced toward the checkout counters.

“Okay, let's go, Jack.  *Now.*”

Jack beamed.  He picked up the box of cereal that Daniel had dropped onto the floor and put it back in its place on the shelf, then followed his very aroused soulmate.

~Why didn't I think of this ages ago?~ Jack asked himself.  Catching up with his partner, he smiled and questioned, “So, which cereal did you choose?”

“What cereal?”  Daniel stopped once again and faced his lover.  He looked panic-stricken.  “Does ... does it matter?  I mean, to do what you said ... does it ... I mean ... I don't know.”

Jack laughed, “No, it doesn't matter, Daniel.  C'mon, let's check out.”



“Use the express line,” Daniel ordered.

“No can do, Danny.  We have more than ten items.”

“You're a colonel in the United States Air Force, Jack.  You've taken on ...” Daniel caught himself just in time, looking around at the lines of shoppers waiting to check out, “those guys who think they ... rule ... everything in the universe ... and political idiots, so don't tell me you can't handle a freakin' store clerk.  *Use* the express line, O'Neill.”

Daniel was so wound up Jack wasn't sure they'd make it out of the store.  Unfortunately, there were four carts ahead of them.

“This is the freakin' express lane?  It's supposed to move fast,” Daniel said anxiously, moving around like a skittish cat.

“Calm down, Danny, it won't take long.”

“Down, Jack.  Oh, yes, I want to go down.  Definitely, down,” the antsy archaeologist replied.

Jack knew that look.  He prayed the express line picked up some steam, because his lover was about to blow, ~pun intended,~ Jack mused silently.  If they were home, he would be counting the seconds to lift off, but in the supermarket, that wasn't a good idea.

“Danny, why don't you go wait in the truck while I take care of this,” Jack suggested, believing their chances for escaping without making too much of a scene would be better if Daniel were in the truck and not in the store.

Daniel bounced around for a few seconds, trying to decide if he wanted to take Jack's advice.  He wasn't feeling exactly rational at the moment, so decided to do as Jack suggested.

Leaning as close to Jack as he dared to do in such a public place, Daniel said in a low husky voice, “If you aren't out there in ten minutes, Jack, I'm coming back ... to get you, Jack, because I want you to come, Jack, to me, Jack ... *now*, Jack, so if I have to *come* back in here to get you, it won't be pretty.  Do you understand what I'm saying, Colonel O'Neill?”

Jack loved it when Daniel went alpha.  He just hadn't counted on a new use for cereal turning his lover on so completely, here in the grocery store, at ten-thirty in the morning.  He swallowed, feeling himself harden in anticipation, watching his eager lover.

“Yes, Daniel.  I understand,” Jack said, watching as Daniel hurried out to the truck.  ~Calm down, O'Neill, or you're going to embarrass yourself in front of that nice old lady standing next to you.~

Jack smiled politely at the elderly woman, who was watching him as he attempted to relax his body.

“Sir, it looks like you have quite a full cart there.  Do you realize you're in the express lane?”

“Yes, Ma'am, I do, but it's a medical emergency.  You see that man out there?”  Jack pointed to Daniel, visible through the large window glass of the store.  “He's having an attack; that's why he's hopping around out there like that, and I really need to give, uh, get him proper care and attention as soon as possible.”

The clerk watched Daniel.  He was walking around in circles, doing a variation of the Danny dance.  His hands were waving through the air.

“Yes, Sir, he does look ... in need of something anyway,” the clerk agreed and then began urgently running the various items through the scanner while another worker started to bag the groceries in small plastic bags.

“Ah!  Ah!” Jack called out, waving his finger at the bagger.  “I prefer paper bags: easier to manage and more secure,” he explained.  The bagger did as Jack requested, placing four full brown bags into the cart in the process.  Getting his total from the clerk when she was done, Jack ran his ATM card through the machine.  “Thanks for your understanding and assistance.”

“No problem, Sir, and do come again.”

“Oh, I plan to ... soon and often,” Jack smiled wickedly as he started to head for the door with his cart full of groceries, waving off the bagger who offered carryout assistance.


Daniel was about to go in after his lover when he saw the older man heading his way.  As Jack approached, Daniel flung open the door to the truck and practically threw the groceries from the cart into the back of the cab.

Chuckling at his lover's exuberance, Jack headed for the driver's side, shaking his head in both amusement and excitement at the sex-craved antics of the man he loved.

~Who would have thought grocery shopping could have this effect on him?~

Jack settled into his seat, affixed his seatbelt, and turned on the engine, expecting to spend the next several minutes in verbal foreplay with his partner as they drove home.  He was about to pull out of the parking space when Daniel placed his hand over Jack's on the steering wheel.

“Listen to me very carefully, Jack.  I want you drive over there and back into that space by the tree,” Daniel ordered, pointing to a more secluded spot at the rear of the parking lot, near a  large tree.

The spot was at the edge of the lot, away from the store, an area not frequented by the shoppers except at the busiest of shopping times, which this was not.

“Daniel, this isn't the place.  We'll be home in ten minutes,” Jack responded reluctantly, half wanting to throw caution to the wind and just go along with his soulmate.  ~Geez, he's eager.  So am I, but ...~

“This is not open for debate, Colonel.  Do it!” the younger man ordered, his intentions coming through loud and clear.

Jack saw his lover's eyes take on the predatory look that always aroused him, though he hadn't expected to see it in a supermarket parking lot.  He knew they should wait until they were in the safety of their home, but he was a man of risk as much as of caution.  Watching Daniel take control and the prospect of taking his lover in such a dangerous place, filled him with excitement.  So, he did as directed and backed the truck into the designated spot, automatically shutting off the engine when the truck was parked.

“People can still see inside the truck, Daniel.”

“I'm way ahead of you, Jack.”

Daniel pulled out the silver window shade and placed it over the dash of the F-350.  It covered every inch of the windshield.  A tall fence stood behind the parking area where the lovers were, so there wasn't much chance of anyone seeing through the tinted glass of the rear window.

“Daniel, you're positively wicked, you know that, dontcha'?”

Daniel sported an alluring grin as he remained focused on his task.  He reached back into the cab and pulled out the two large navy blue blankets they always kept there for emergencies or outings.  He rolled down his window slightly, put the end of one blanket over the top of it, and rolled the window back up; then he stretched the blanket through to the back of the cab.  When he was done, he repeated the process with the backseat window.

Daniel handed the other blanket to Jack and seductively ordered, “Roll your window down, Jack.”

Although Jack wanted this, his years of training told him it was a bad idea, which forced him to issue one last flimsy protest, already knowing that he would give in.  If he was honest with himself, he didn't really want to yield to reason.  He was as turned on as Daniel and the common sense that urged him to drive home and not have sex in the parking lot like two teenagers was disappearing fast.

“Danny, as much as I'd like to, I'm still not sure this is a smart thing to do,” Jack said reluctantly, making no move to put up the blanket he was now holding.


Ignoring his soulmate's caution, Daniel's hand reached over and undid Jack's seatbelt and then made its way to Jack's belt, unbuckling it, and then the top button of his pants.  He was about to continue when his lover interrupted.

“Okay, okay, you realize we'll probably suffocate in here, too,” Jack protested lightly as he mimicked Daniel's action with the blanket on his side of the vehicle.

“But what a way to go, Jack.”  Daniel twisted his body to face the back of the cab as he said, “Actually, Babe, sometimes I wonder how you survived without me.”

“Me, too, but why this time?” Jack questioned curiously.

Daniel shook his head and instructed, “Jack, start the truck and turn on the A/C, unless you really do want to suffocate.”

“Oh, yeah, good idea,” Jack said, smiling.  ~Where's my brain?  Crap, I know, and it's not in my ... shut up, O'Neill.~  He turned the air-conditioning on to maximum, then noticed his lover acting oddly.  “What are you looking for, Danny?”

The younger man was frantically searching through the grocery bags, noisily moving their purchases from brown bag to brown bag.

“The cereal, Jack.  Ah, here it is!” Daniel exclaimed.  He opened the box and shook the package for effect.  He took out a single morsel and fed it to Jack, his finger caressing his lover's tongue and lip as Jack swallowed.  His eyes were black with desire as he pulled out another morsel and smiled.  “Come here, my little Apple Jack.”

~Holy Daniel~  Jack knew that whatever was about to happen was going to be fast and furious.  “Danny, the truck isn't ...”  He paused, nervously gulping.  “We don't have enough room for the cereal bit.”

“Hmmm, okay, we don't need it anyway,” Daniel said as he tossed the box into the backseat and then slid over to his lover, straddling him.

“Babe, this is a little tight, dontcha' think?  Maybe we should go home, or ...” Jack began.

“Where there's a will, we don't need an 'or', Jack,” Daniel retorted, leaning into his soulmate for a kiss.

It was a tight squeeze and not all that comfortable, the steering wheel rubbing into Daniel's back as he moved, but his lust was centered on his lover, and the wheel just reminded them where they were adding to the intensity of the moment.

Daniel's kiss was deep, and Jack responded, making his own attempt to find his lover's tonsils.  One kiss became dozens as their passion ignited more quickly than even Daniel had anticipated.

As they devoured each other's mouth, Jack undid Daniel's zipper and began stroking his hardness.  Daniel moaned at the contact.  Jack lived for those moans, the urgency and desperation of them sending him to his own euphoria.

Jack's stroking intensified, and Daniel thrust into his hand, harder and faster with each passing second.

“Jack ... I need you ... Love you, Jack.”

Daniel had one hand on the seat behind Jack, the other found its way to Jack's bulging pants, increasing the pace for his lover's own pleasure.  The rhythm grew stronger for both men as they worked each other vigorously.

Both men were on the edge of release.  Daniel's hand squeezed so hard against the fabric of the seat that it gave way to the pressure of his fingernails, a tiny rip occurring.  They were panting from their union, their bodies sweating as they worked each others pulsating lengths.

Jack leaned into Daniel's shoulder and gasped, “Danny ... wow ... yes, Danny.”

Daniel thrust harder into his lover's hand as Jack increased his strong palpating actions on Daniel.

“Danny ... can't wait ...”

“Jack ... oh ... need you.  Now, Jack.”

With a final thrust of their hands and hips, the two men erupted together, emptying into each other's working hands, their orgasms sending them into euphoria.

Recovering with heavy breathing, Jack panted, “Geez, Daniel, that was wild.  I love you so much; love you more than anything.”

“Mmmm, that was incredible, Jack.  It felt so good,” the young man said happily as he placed his head on his lover's shoulder.

Jack's hands began stroking his soulmate's back in calming circles as their breathing evened.

“Glad you approve, Doctor Jackson.”

“Oh, I do; I definitely do.”

Jack kissed Daniel's forehead and confided, “I can't believe you're mine, Danny, that you make me feel this way, like some teenager who can never get enough.”

“It's the same for me, Love.  I need you so much sometimes I can't think straight. You don't know how hard it was for me in that store.  I swear, Jack, I almost nailed you right in front of the Froot Loops,” Daniel admitted.

Jack laughed knowingly, replying, “We're quite a pair.  Love you always.”

“Love you forever.  Just remember what you said before, about loving me more than anything.  I mean, you love me more than your truck, right?” Daniel questioned and then kissed his lover's neck, his fingers caressing his Silver Fox's hair.

“Of course, I do.”


Bewildered, Jack asked, “Danny, why the comparison to my truck?”

“Because not only are we a mess, Jack, but so is your truck ... messy and sticky.”

Jack laughed, feeling a warmth inside that filled his soul with happiness, and responded, “Don't worry, Love.  You get to help me clean it, tomorrow.”

“Not today?”

“Nope,” Jack answered firmly.  “I have plans for you and me.  By the time I show you the best way to use those Apple Jacks, you won't even remember your name.”

“I love you, Jack.”

“Love you, too, Babe, and as much as I like having you on my lap, I think we'd better go home, get cleaned up, and get those steaks in the fridge,” Jack suggested.

Daniel raised his head and started to move off his lover, but Jack stopped him.

“What?” the younger man asked, surprised at having been stopped.

“You sure do pick the funniest times to do what I tell you to do, Daniel.”  Jack laughed at the confused man as he placed his hand on Daniel's cheek, caressing it for a few moments before pulling him in for a long, moist kiss.  “Honestly, Daniel, you get me to do the craziest things in the strangest places, but I swear, I'd die without you.”  He kissed Daniel again, this one soft and tender.  “Now get off me so we can go home.”

“Geez, Jack, make up your mind,” Daniel laughed, quickly moving over to the passenger seat.

The two men zipped themselves up and made sure their clothes were as decent as could be.  Then, Daniel pulled the sunshade off the dash, flipping it into the back seat.  They removed the blankets, and rolled down the windows, taking in the scent of the fresh air as they looked out at the busy supermarket before them.

“Your back okay, Danny?  That couldn't have been very comfortable,” Jack opined with concern.

Daniel let out an exaggerated moan as he shifted, moving one hand to rub the small of his back, and answered, “Well, I'm sure it could use a little ... TLC ... or something ... later.”

“An O'Neill Family Rub Down?”

“That's exactly what I was thinking,” Daniel answered, smiling at his lover.

“I do like the way you think, and I know a little something extra, a slight variation from the traditional rub down that I am positive will make it feel all better.”

“Oh, I'm sure you do; in fact, I'm counting on it, Babe,” Daniel replied.

Images of a string of kisses and massaging hands flourished in their minds.

“This was kinda crazy, wasn't it?” Daniel asked a moment later.

Jack looked into Daniel's eyes and saw love radiating from his satiated partner.  His Daniel was a handful, and that made Jack a happy man.  He reached over and took Daniel's hand, holding it for a few moments, a smile forming on his face as they gazed at each other, their eyes speaking a thousand unspoken words of the depths of their emotions.

“Yeah, very, but I wouldn't change a second of it.”


“Yes, Love?”

“Not that I'm against being mushy, and I can tell we're on the verge of getting sappy here again, but ...”

“You have something against sap now, Daniel?” Jack queried.

Daniel laughed, “Only when my pants are ... wet.”

“Good point.  We can be sappy at home.”

“And ... wet, too.”

The two men laughed as Jack turned off the air-conditioning, refastened his seatbelt, and finally drove out of the parking lot.  They were headed to their home where there would always be an endless amount of sap, and 'wetness', too.


After Jack pulled into the driveway and turned off the engine, both he and Daniel got out of the truck, each grabbing two bags to carry into the house.

As Daniel was putting Jack's Froot Loops on the shelf in the cupboard, he realized that the Apple Jacks weren't in any of the bags and advised, “Jack, I’ll be right back; the Apple Jacks are still in the truck.”

Outside, Daniel found the cereal on the floor behind Jack's seat.  They had obviously fallen off the backseat on the ride home.

~Could be worse; I could have left the flap entirely opened, and then Jack would have little pieces of cereal all over the cab of the truck.  Eww.  I might be sleeping alone tonight.~  Daniel paused, then smiled.  ~Nah.~  As he picked up the box of cereal, he noticed the back of Jack's seat and saw the hole.  ~Oh, yeah, I remember now.  I felt it rip, but I was, uh ... oh gawd.~  “Jack is so going to kill me,” he spoke aloud as flashes from that moment of their union ignited in his mind.

Daniel walked into the kitchen and put the Apple Jacks on the counter, cautiously calling out, “Jack.”

At the sound of Daniel's voice, Jack's internal 'Daniel Alarm' beeped.  It wasn't a full scale alarm, but something was amiss.  He turned around and saw the solemn look on his lover’s face.

“Danny, what’s wrong?”

With his hands in his pockets, the archaeologist asked, “Remember when you said that you loved me more than your truck?”

“Yeah.”  Seeing Daniel looking down at his feet nervously, Jack quickly went to his lover and wrapped his arms around him.  “What’s wrong, Love?”

“The Apple Jacks were on the floor behind your seat, and when I leaned in to get it, I, uh, well, I noticed that, uh ...”


“There's ... a ... a ...”


“There's a rip in the back of the seat.  It happened when we ... we ...” Daniel began and tried to pull away from Jack.

Maintaining his hold, Jack completed, “When we ... you know.”

Daniel nodded and spoke, “I'm sorry, Jack.  It's my fault.  I'll, uh, get it fixed.”

Daniel was positive Jack would be angry at him.  Jack's Ford vehicle was practically sacred to him.

“I love you, Angel.  It's only a truck, and it can be fixed.  You,” Jack put his left hand under Daniel's chin, making him look into his eyes, “are my life.”

“I thought you'd be mad,” a surprised Daniel asked, his eyes searching and finding understanding in Jack's.

“Nah.  Besides, I heard it rip.”

“Why didn't you say something?”

“We were busy, Danny,” Jack reminded, a bit of a leer on his face.

“Oh, yeah, we were,” Daniel chuckled lightly.

The two men stood still, holding each other for several minutes, before Jack said, “Let's put the rest of this stuff away, and then we are going to take those Apple Jack's upstairs and ... mmmppphf.”

Daniel quickly cut off his lover with a passionate kiss and then stated, “Come on, O’Neill.  The rest of the groceries can wait until we …”  He picked up the box of Apple Jacks and shook it.  His eyes darkened with lust as he was once again wound up just thinking about what Jack had whispered into his ear while he was trying to make his cereal choice.  “We're not in the truck now,” he whispered in a low, seductive voice.

Daniel grabbed Jack’s hand, pulled him up the stairs, and into their bedroom where Jack showed Daniel a new use for cereal, one they'd never forget.

~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~
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