More Than Meets the Eye
Author: Orrymain
Category: Slash, Angst, Drama, H/C, Romance, Established
Relationship
Pairing: Jack/Daniel ... and it's all J/D
Rating: NC-17 for violent depictions
Season: 6 - July 10 - August 22, 2002
Spoilers: None
Size: 121kb
Written: September 29-30 - October 1-4,13-14,25,27,29, 2003
Tweaked: January 25, 2005 Revised for consistency:
February 11-12, 2007 Tweaked Again: March 20, 2007
Revised for timeline: March 22-23, April 2,5,7, May 4,13,25, 2008
Summary: Daniel is attacked and ends up questioning his choices
and his lifestyle, while losing confidence in his abilities and his
sense of self. Can he rise above his fears when Jack's life is on
the line?
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were,
especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. A gal can
dream though!
Notes:
1) Sometimes, Jack and Daniel speak almost telepathically. Their
“silent” words to each other are indicated by asterisks instead of
quotes, such as **Jack, we can't.**
2) Silent, unspoken thoughts by various characters are indicated with ~
in front and behind them, such as ~Where am I?~
3) Thanks to Gail and Kelly for the information on the P-90 weapon!
4) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: Suzanna,
Drdjlover, Mama Beast, StarShadow, Linda, Irina, Melissa, Lissa, Keri!
More Than Meets the Eye
by Orrymain
Daniel cursed in Abydonian as he walked out of the mall. It had
been a bad day, one of the worst he could remember. Jack had left
town the night before, which meant the archaeologist hadn't slept very
well. When he'd finally gotten some rest, he ended up shutting
off the alarm, which meant that he had been late for an important staff
meeting.
Then the linguist had misplaced his notes on a difficult translation
that he'd been working on for a couple of months, having spent hours
upon hours noting patterns and symbols. Right when he thought
he'd made a breakthrough and only needed to verify and crosscheck, the
notes had disappeared. After having spent two hours searching and
having finally given up on finding them, he'd thrown himself on the cot
in his office in despair.
When he reached under the pillow to adjust it, Daniel felt some papers,
and they turned out to be the notes. He vaguely remembered having
added a few final notations a few nights before, so he figured he must
have stashed the papers under the pillow and forgotten about them after
he had fallen asleep.
Daniel's latest misadventure happened at the mall he had just
exited. He was supposed to pick up a barbecue grill set that he
and Jack had ordered and also a just-released western novel that Jack
had been looking forward to reading. Unfortunately, he had been
delayed at the SGC by a host of petty needs and an insistent general
who wanted Daniel's opinion on just about everything (or so it seemed
to the archaeologist, who had only wanted to go home), Daniel had
reached the mall late, and the outdoor shop had closed five minutes
before his arrival.
The bookstore was still open, but as Daniel studied the new releases,
he realized that he'd forgotten which book Jack had asked him to pick
up. He couldn't remember the title or the author, and when a
store clerk tried to assist, Daniel couldn't even remember for sure
when the book had been released, and as it turned out, there were
several to choose from.
The entire trip had been a waste of time, and Daniel was
exhausted. It was 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night, and there weren't
a lot of other customers still out and about.
The local mall was undergoing some construction, with several pieces of
heavy-duty equipment parked on the lot, including a bulldozer and a
steam roller.
Just Daniel's luck, he had parked on the south side, not far from where
the yellow work vehicles sat. He hadn't realized that the
entrance on that side had been blocked off and locked until he had
walked up to the entrance, and not wanting to take the time to re-park,
he had quickly strode to the doors on the north side.
Not really paying attention to his surroundings, Daniel was muttering
to himself about his bad day as he meandered his way through the lonely
parking lot where only a handful of cars were scattered. He was
wearing black pants with a light blue short sleeve shirt, the top three
buttons undone. It was cold out, but he had forgotten his jacket,
causing him to curse himself for being so scatterbrained today.
Frustrated, Daniel pulled out his keys, his head bowed as he continued
towards his car. He never noticed the gang of five hoodlums that
had been watching him amble across the partially graveled lot.
“Well, look what we have here,” one of the thugs said as they each took
their positions, circling Daniel.
Daniel looked up and saw that he was surrounded by the tall and rugged
group. In fact, they reminded him of the Marines that comprised
some of the SG teams: all well-built, tough looking men. Two were
blondes, and the other three had dark hair. He noticed a tattoo
on the arm of one of them, but beyond that, he didn't see much, the
nearest working light pole being several yards away.
“Excuse me, was there something you wanted?” Daniel asked calmly,
though inside he wasn't the least bit relaxed. The last time he
had been in this situation had been back at Harvard, and he didn't want
to think about how that had turned out.
“Oh, yeah, Pretty Boy, I can think of something I want,” one of the men
said as he entered Daniel's personal space.
Daniel had faced down System Lords, and he was sure he could do the
same to a group of thugs.
“Look, just ... leave me alone,” Daniel said, attempting to slowly back
away from the man who leered at him with a look in his eye that made
Daniel very uncomfortable.
Another man walked around behind Daniel, stopping him from his efforts
to back away. Daniel took a deep breath, “What do you want?”
Three of the men walked forward at the same time.
“I've seen you here before, all googly eyed with some guy. You're
one of those homos aren't you ... Pretty Boy? You give it to
guys. Can't get it up enough to please a woman, I'll bet.”
“Look, just ... go away,” Daniel said, wondering, ~Why me?~ silently as
he attempted to turn away.
As far as Daniel knew, he hadn't said or done anything to draw the
attention of the gang. He simply wanted to go home in peace.
One of the men motioned to the others as a lone woman appeared at the
far corner of the lot. Quickly, one of the thugs grabbed Daniel
from behind, covering his mouth. Two of the others picked up his
feet as he started to kick, trying to scream as well.
The five men carried Daniel out of view, to a spot between the
bulldozer and a makeshift material shed. This effectively blocked
them from sight of anyone who might walk around to the south side
parking lot.
Though Daniel had hoped the thugs would go away, they had other plans
for him. They forced him down to the ground, each one of them
taking turns punching at his stomach or kicking him. Daniel
managed to get up, but one of the men slugged him in the face, knocking
him back down to the ground, which resulted in his head making solid
contact with the concrete of the parking lot.
“Pretty Boys deserve what they get,” one of them said, adding, “and
we're making it our mission to make sure they get it, one by one.”
“We need to protect the world from the likes of you,” another man said,
pulling out a knife as another one of them unbuttoned and unzipped
Daniel's pants.
Daniel's shirt had been torn open from the initial struggle. He
tried to cry out for help, but he was dizzy and could feel blood
dripping down his face.
One man grabbed Daniel's head and, using a handkerchief, gagged him.
Then, he and another man held Daniel's arms down as two more held down
his legs. They pulled down his pants as the apparent leader
brandished his knife in Daniel's face.
Daniel's eyes were bulging; he was trying to yell, but the gag
prevented it. The man lightly punctured a small niche below
Daniel's chin.
“Stop fighting, or we'll kill you. You're lucky we decided to let
you live, Pretty Boy, but you and your kind are disgusting, and we're
going to make sure you can't defile anyone again.”
The man cackled as he slid the knife down Daniel's chest to his belly
button, letting the edge of the dagger push inside just a tad.
Daniel was breathing hard, his heart pounding, and his eyes pleading
for them to stop, but they didn't.
“You're not a man, Pretty Boy; you're an insult. You want to do
it with another guy, then act like the wimpy female you are. Beg
us to stop. Go on -- beg us!” The man rubbed the sharp
dagger against Daniel's groin and laughed loudly. “Say good-bye
to whatever manhood you may have had ... Pretty Boy.”
The man raised the blade and started to lower it when sirens blared and
headlights highlighted the men, interrupting the assault. Daniel
closed his eyes in relief as the men scattered, the police giving
chase.
====
Late the following afternoon, Jack whistled as he walked in his front
door. His three-day trip had been unexpectedly shortened to two
days when one of the big wigs came down with Bronchitis and had to be
hospitalized. He was as happy as the proverbial clam. He
figured he'd surprise his lover and talk him into staying home from the
SGC the next day, and they'd spend twenty-four hours in bed, making
love. He was sure that their two-day separation would allow him
to easily sway Daniel to his side.
Jack sneaked a quick peek into the study, expecting to see Daniel
working away, but the lights were off. He walked upstairs, but,
again, no Daniel. After a search, of the backyard, roof, and
garage, he became moderately concerned because Daniel's car was in the
driveway. Then again, it was possible he was out with someone.
~Out with someone?~ Jack yelled to himself, his jealousy threatening to
take over.
Fortunately, Jack got a grip on his emotions and decided to try and
locate the missing man. After having no success reaching the
archaeologist in his office, the colonel dialed the SGC security gate.
While not knowing the details, the security guard surprised Jack by
explaining that Daniel had taken a few days off and wasn't scheduled to
return until Monday.
“I'll kill him,” Jack said aloud as he hung up the phone, his rage
building at the thought of Daniel being with someone else. He
dialed another number. ~I'll strangle him myself for cheating on
me, then I'll kiss him silly and make sure he knows where he belongs --
with me!~ his jealousy spoke irrationally.
“Hello.”
“Carter, where in Netu is Daniel, and *don't* cover up for him,
Major. I want to know where he is *now*,” Jack barked, shocking
his 2IC.
“I ... uh, well ... excuse me, Sir.”
Jack heard mumbling in the background, but couldn't make out the
voices. He was growing more irate by the minute.
“Jack,” the solemn voice came over the phone line.
“Daniel, where are you, and what kind of trouble are you and Carter
getting into?”
“No trouble. We were just ... um, we were ... talking,” Daniel
claimed.
Jack was livid from Daniel's hesitations and the fact Daniel hadn't
answered his question about where he was. His Mr. Jealousy alter
ego was leaping to all kinds of sinful conclusions. After all,
for as much as the SGC gossiped about he and Sam, Jack had heard just
as much about the so-called Science Twins, always huddled together
working on some project or another. He paced as he held the
cordless phone in his hand, his fury growing.
“How's .. how's ... wherever you are?” Daniel asked.
“Peachy, just peachy.”
“Jack, are you angry about something?”
“No, no, why should I be? I thought you'd be home, that's
all. Anything I should know?” Jack baited.
“No, everything's ... fine, except ... I'm glad you called. I ...
I ... um, there's a workshop I need to attend so I won't be home when
you get home.”
“Goodbye, Daniel,” Jack replied coldly. He hung up the phone, not
wanting to hear another lie. ~I'll strangle him, then I'll ...
Daniel and Carter? I'll kill her first!~
“Jack?” Daniel sighed. He dropped the phone, both from the
disconnection from his lover and a sudden stab of pain. “He, uh
... hung up.”
“Daniel, you should have told him,” Sam urged.
In response, Daniel simply shook his head and sadly turned away from
her.
====
A few hours later, Sam was quietly reading a book on her sofa when she
heard a pounding on her door. She almost reached for her gun
until she heard a bellowing that she couldn't mistake for anyone but
her CO. She rolled her eyes, and headed for the door.
After having stewed around his house for hours, devising how and when
he'd murder his second-in-command and then his lover, Jack had finally
decided to take action. First on his agenda was finding out where
Daniel was hiding, not to mention what he was doing with Sam.
“Alright, Carter, where is he, and what exactly are you two doing
here?” Jack barked as he walked around her house, looking around
corners, behind furniture, and anywhere that someone might hide.
Sam shook her head in utter amazement at just how insane her CO could
be when he was concerned about Daniel.
“Sir, if I can explain ...”
“*Daniel!*” Jack shouted, ignoring Sam, about to start checking out
other rooms in Sam's home.
~Sorry, Daniel, but the colonel needs to know,~ Sam opined.
“*Daniel!*” Jack called out loudly again.
“Sir, he's been hurt,” Sam stated abruptly.
“*I said* ...” Jack stopped, twisting to face his 2IC, a look of
surprise in his eyes. “Repeat that, Major,” he quietly requested.
“Daniel was beaten up by some ... bigots ... in a mall parking lot.”
Jack sank down onto the couch, and put his face in his hands as he
bemoaned, “Crap, Carter. Do you have any idea what I was
thinking?”
“Permission to speak freely, Sir?” the major asked as she continued to
stand.
“We're not at the SGC.”
“Sir ... Jack, Daniel couldn't be more committed to you. He
doesn't need your jealousy right now. He needs a lot of
understanding. He's having a difficult time getting through this.”
“Where is he?”
“Sir, if I may ...”
Jack's impatience was taking hold of him again. He knew Sam was
doing what she thought was best, but no one knew Daniel better than he
did, and he needed to get to his lover ASAP.
Standing, the colonel responded, “No, you may not, Carter. Where
is Daniel?”
Sam took a deep breath. Her CO was about to kill her for helping
Daniel 'escape'.
A bit reluctantly, the blonde answered, “He's at a cabin outside of
town. He said that you two rent it sometimes. It was
available, so he decided to stay there for a couple of days.”
“Let me get this straight, Major,” Jack said in his best colonel voice,
his tone quiet but deadly serious, as he walked straight into her
personal space. “Daniel was beaten up, hurt to the point that he
left his home, called in sick to the SGC, lied to me about where he was
going, and is now *alone* in that cabin. Is that accurate?”
Recognizing the tone, Sam squirmed, verbalizing a weak, “Yes,
Sir.” She hadn't wanted Daniel to be alone, either, but he
wouldn't allow her to stay. He'd also made her promise not to
call Jack. ~He's as stubborn as you are, Colonel.~
“And you didn't call me the *instant* you knew he had been hurt
*because* ...?”
“Because Daniel's a grown man, and my friend, and he asked me not
to. He expected you to be gone through tomorrow.”
“He might be a grown man Carter, but he's also my partner and my
responsibility,” Jack intoned gruffly.
“He can look after himself,” Sam opined.
Nodding, Jack responded, “Most of the time that's true, but this isn't
most of the time. He's going to run and hide if he can.
Besides, don't you understand? He doesn't have to go through
these nightmares alone anymore. He doesn't have to run, and he
has nothing to hide from, not with me at his side.” He inhaled
deeply as he ran his right hand through his silver-gray hair.
“What the heck is wrong with him? We're supposed to be honest
with each other, no matter what.”
Sam cocked her head, speculating, “He just wants some time on his own,
to get himself together.”
“Carter!” Jack was flustered as he was flooded with a variety of
emotions, having no idea which he should let govern his actions at the
moment. “He doesn't need to be alone. He needs to know I
love him, and that we'll get through this together, just like we get
through every other mess that happens. How the blazes is he
supposed to be reassured of that if he's lying to me, sitting alone in
some cabin while I'm here?”
“I think maybe if you ...”
“Look, Sam, I know you love him, but you don't know the scars like I
do,” Jack interrupted. “He'll bottle it up and bury himself so
deep within it that we may not be able to find him. I may not be
much, but whatever I am, Daniel needs me now more than ever. So
don't fight me on this.” He paused for a few moments, then asked,
“Were you at the cabin when I called you on the cell?”
“Yes, I was.”
Jack nodded and headed for the door, but stopped to say one more thing
to his 2IC.
“Major, I order you *not* to make any contact with Daniel until I tell
you. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“He'll try to run if you call him. If his thinking is so messed
up that he's lying to me, he'll run for sure if he knows I'm headed
there. He needs me. I hope you understand that.” Jack
took out his keys. “Goodnight, Carter, and I'm sorry about what
was I thinking when I first got here.”
Sam gulped watching her CO leave. She did want to call Daniel and
warn him. She picked up her phone, intending to place the call,
but then she sighed and put it back down for a few reasons.
First, the major had no desire to be stationed at some tiny weather
station in Alaska. Second, Daniel needed his rest and had just
fallen asleep when she had left the cabin, and she didn't want to be
the one responsible for waking him up. Lastly, Jack O'Neill loved
Daniel Jackson and, right now, he needed that love badly. She
knew her CO had been right about Daniel needing him. Of that last
factor, Sam was very certain.
Sam went back to her novel, feeling positive that Daniel would be in
safe hands, once Jack bellowed for a few minutes first.
====
Jack stopped by the park entrance office before heading up to the
cabin. The manager knew him well and had no qualms about giving
him a key to the cabin. Long before he'd met Daniel, he used this
place. In fact, the twosome used it so often that he'd toyed with
the idea of buying it.
The concerned colonel entered the darkened cabin and carefully made his
way to the small bedroom where one light was on. He had wanted to
be angry, to vent his anger at Daniel's running and his lies, but
looking at the black and blue face of his lover, the only thing Jack
wanted to do was run to Daniel's side and hold him; then he'd kill the
monsters who had hurt him.
~First things first,~ Jack thought to himself as he hurried to the bed,
and sat quietly.
Daniel was fully dressed without even a comforter over him. He
was tossing and turning slightly.
Jack knew these signs well. His lover was in the middle of a
nightmare that would escalate soon.
Jack took off his jacket and shoes, and then, with great stealth,
removed Daniel's shoes. He knew holding his Heart in his arms was
the one thing that would make Daniel feel safe. He was confident
of the fact that even in his sleep, Daniel would recognize that safety.
~Gotta keep that nightmare at bay. You probably haven't slept
since this thing happened.~ Jack let out a tiny snort as he
thought, ~You probably wouldn't wake up without coffee under your nose,
a nightmare, or an earthquake.~
The older man took his place on the bed and gently moved his life
partner over into his favorite sleeping position.
Daniel mumbled something and moved his head to snuggle into Jack, his
hand automatically reaching across Jack's chest like he normally did,
one leg hooking between his Love's.
Jack kissed Daniel's messy hair and held him securely, whispering, “I
love you, Danny.” He didn't sleep. He was angry at himself
for jumping to all the wrong conclusions, for letting his fears of not
being good enough for Daniel get the best of him. He had actually
considered for a moment that Daniel and Sam might be having an
affair. He cringed at his insecurities, knowing that his paranoia
was because of his own feelings of not being good enough and not
because of anything that Daniel had said and done. ~I'm such an
idiot.~
The only proof Jack needed about Daniel's love had been given during
the night when Daniel had moaned softly from Jack's touches and soft
words of reassurance and by the fact that Daniel's certain nightmare
had been circumvented by his protective hold.
====
Daylight was looming, and the sun's rays were beginning to seep through
the windows. Jack placed another kiss on his precious lover's
head and raised his left hand up to run his fingers through Daniel's
hair. How he loved the feel of the younger man's silky
locks. He sometimes missed the longer shag, but even the shorter
strands felt rich to his touch.
Jack felt a small movement under his grip, and heard a small wisp of
air on his chest. He could feel a change in Daniel's
breathing. His lover was waking up.
“Jack?”
“That would be me.”
Daniel tensed, full of questions, and also stunned, unsure of where he
was for a moment.
“Where?”
“Rental cabin. Sam brought you up here last night,” the older man
answered.
“You were supposed to be ... wherever you were ... longer,” Daniel said
with trepidation.
“Sorry to ruin your little plan.”
Daniel seemed to stop breathing, his body going totally still, tenser
than before, but Jack placed another kiss on his hair while gently
rubbing his back.
“I'm not going to yell, Danny ... at least, not now, but trust me, at
some point in the future, you are so going to get it.”
Daniel didn't say anything, nor did he move. Jack continued to
caress his back until finally the younger man let out a big sigh.
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
Jack laughed, “You know the way.”
Daniel started to move very slowly off of Jack, and, at first, Jack had
planned to hold his spot. Thinking better of it, he quickly arose
and went to the other side of the bed, getting there practically before
Daniel had his feet on the floor. The younger man looked up at
his lover and blinked several times. Jack smiled, his hands
taking hold of his soulmate's and very gently pulling him up.
Daniel blinked even more now that they were standing so close.
Jack could see the bruises on his heart's face clearer now, and wanted
to lash out at whomever had hurt Daniel.
~First things first.~ Brushing his hands very lightly against the
bruised face, Jack leaned in and briefly grazed Daniel's lips. “I
love you, Danny. I'm mad as sin, but I love you, and right now,
that's the priority. Need some help?”
Daniel nodded shyly as he answered softly, “Everything hurts,
Jack.” He leaned into Jack's shoulder. ~Feels good,~ he
thought about the tender embrace his lover had him in.
“I'm going to take care of everything. I'm here now. What
do you need?”
“You,” Daniel answered succinctly.
“You've got me, forever and always, Angel,” Jack assured softly.
Daniel swallowed to hide his swelling emotions and then admitted, “But
I really want to take a shower, Jack.”
Jack kissed Daniel more fully, and led him to the cabin's bathroom and
tended to his lover's needs.
====
“Feel better?” Jack asked, walking outside onto the small front porch
of the cabin, slinking his arms around Daniel.
“A little.”
“Want to sit down?”
Daniel nodded, so the two sat on the steps of the porch. Daniel
winced in pain as he moved. Jack squelched his anger as much as
possible as he took hold of Daniel's left hand.
“Tell me.”
“Day from Netu, worse even,” Daniel answered.
“Danny.”
“I was going to my car, and they surrounded me. I tried to fight
them, but they caught me off-guard, and there were five of them.
They said things, Jack, ugly things, but nothing we haven't heard
before.”
Jack's blood pressure was rising fast. He desperately wanted a
Goa'uld to kill.
“They pushed me down to the ground, and hit me and kicked me ... all
over. I got up, but they just kept at it. One of them had a
knife ... a long knife. He cut me here.”
Daniel pointed to the tiny scab under his chin.
Jack hadn't seen that injury in the dimly lit bedroom, but he had
noticed every other injury as he'd bathed Daniel. His blood was
seething from rage at the unknowns who had hurt his precious love.
“They ... they um ... they ...”
“Danny, you're safe. I've got you,” Jack assured, changing his
position so that now his left arm went around Daniel's shoulders and
his right hand was holding Daniel's securely. He kissed Daniel on
the temple and whispered, “I'm here, Danny. It's okay. Tell me.”
Daniel's head leaned over against Jack's as he tried to compose
himself, trying desperately to hold back the tears that were so close
to the surface.
“They pulled my pants down and the one with the knife was going to ...
cu...they were going to ...”
“Cut you?”
Daniel nodded, but Jack felt a tension and an anxiety that alarmed him
greatly.
“Danny, what do you mean exactly?”
“Gawd, Jack, he was going to cut it off, take away what manhood I had,
according to him.”
Jack closed his eyes, his blood boiling at his lover's torment.
His arms encircled Daniel completely as the younger man sobbed into his
neck, unable to hold back any longer, now that Jack was there to take
care of him. Jack didn't have words for the emotion he
felt. Anger and fury didn't cover his outrage over the attack,
and love and compassion didn't come close to matching the depth of his
caring for the man he held in his arms.
====
Jack spent the day holding Daniel, keeping him so close that they felt
like one body. Daniel didn't seem to have a need for independence
which was just fine with Jack because he had a powerful need to keep
Daniel as close to him as possible.
The lovers hadn't talked much. Daniel was feeling too ashamed and
humiliated, while Jack was afraid that if he said much, his murderous
wrath would result in someone being killed, which wasn't what the
younger man needed right now.
As the couple watched the setting sun from the front porch, Jack deeply
inhaled the fresh air and then began, “Danny, before the police came,
did they ...?”
“No. They didn't want to, said I was some defect or something.”
Jack was afraid to speak for a few moments. His anger at the men
was beginning to consume him, and he struggled to remain calm.
“Did you see them, Danny? Can you identify them?”
“It was dark, but they weren't trying to hide, Jack. It's just
... I didn't really look at them. I remember ... flashes ... or
images. Eyes, a scar ... one had a scar, and ... a tattoo I
think, but I don't ... I don't know.”
Daniel's voice was cracking from the memories, and he was shaking a
little as he recalled what had happened for Jack.
“Shhh, Angel. You don't have to remember right now. I'm
sorry, Baby; it's okay,” Jack whispered as he held his lover close and
rocked him back and forth in a soothing manner.
“Don't call me Baby, Jack, unless you want me to call you ... Honey or
Sugar Lips.”
“Sugar Lips?”
“... or something.”
Jack smiled at the attempt at normalcy as he held his still-bruised
lover close to him. He didn't know why he had called Daniel
'Baby'. He didn't remember ever using that endearment before, but
he wasn't sure. He was just feeling protective, and for the first
time since he'd known him, Daniel seemed fragile.
“I'm sorry, Love. It just slipped out. Don't even know
why,” Jack spoke, placing a kiss on his partner's temple.
“It's okay, Sugar Lips.”
Jack groaned, lightly chuckling, “You're gonna pay for that.”
“Yeah, I know. You're going to have me on a leash for at least a
month, maybe two,” Daniel sighed.
“Danny ...”
“It's okay, Jack. Maybe you're right ... maybe I can't take care
of myself.”
Daniel's voice was strained. As he pulled free from Jack and
started to stand, he flinched from the pain radiating through his
bruised and battered body. He grabbed the rail and quickly closed
his eyes as he waited for the initial pain to pass.
Jack stood and wrapped himself around Daniel, placing a kiss on his
nape.
“Danny, if it had been me, I couldn't have fought them either.
You did good. You're alive, and everything's okay now.”
Daniel bolted out of Jack's embrace, releasing the venom he had held in
for the last two and a half days.
“Alive? I'm alive because someone called the police. Jack,
they arrived as he had the knife in his hand sliding down my
body. Two seconds, Jack. *Two freakin' seconds* longer and he
would have ... Gawd. I couldn't fight them. I tried,
but it's not even that.” Vulnerably, he asked, “Why me,
Jack? I was just walking to the car. That's all. How
could they tell about my ... my lifestyle by how I walked to the
car?” His anger and frustration heightened again, he shouted, “*I
don't freakin' understand*! Why? Tell me why!”
“I don't know, Danny. We need to talk to the police, see what
they know.” Jack dragged both hands through his hair as he took a
deep breath and looked all around them. He wished he had the
answers and was able to give Daniel the reassurance he needed, but he
was as clueless as Daniel was. “Look, I just got back. I
haven't had a chance to check this out. I remember reading
something in the paper about some increase in gang violence, but I only
skimmed it. I assumed it was teenage stuff, but maybe not.
Or maybe ... maybe they're just ignorant and don't know any
better. Danny, Angel, I don't know. I wish I did.”
“But why me? Do I have a sign on my head? 'Here's the geek,
the friggin' gay abnormality.' Is there something about me that
says that? Gawd, Jack, I was straight. My whole life was
normal until ...”
Jack was horrified and stood very still, expressionless, listening to
Daniel's soul bleed about his anything-but-normal life.
“Oh, gawd! I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean anything by that. I
love you so much.”
Daniel's eyes pleaded. His outburst was over, his internal rage
replaced by a fear that he'd just said something that would haunt them
for a very long time. He needed Jack to tell him they were okay.
“Hold me, Jack. Just ... please, hold me.”
Jack took Daniel in his arms, still taken aback by his lover's words,
but Daniel would have to say a lot worse than that before he'd ever
lose the older man.
“I love you, Jack, and I don't regret anything, nothing, absolutely
nothing,” Daniel said, sounding almost desperate, afraid that he'd lost
his soulmate with his thoughtless words.
Jack held on firmly, reassuring, “I know. You're just angry at
the lunacy. Love you, too, Danny. It's okay. We're
okay, Love.”
====
The following Monday, after spending a full day at the SGC, the lovers
were back at home when Jack returned an important phone call.
“Yeah, I'm glad she decided to call the police, too. Tell her
we're grateful that she decided to get involved, and thanks for letting
me know, Sergeant. If you get any leads, I'd appreciate being
informed.”
Jack sighed as he hung up the phone in the study, quickly realizing he
wasn't alone.
“They don't have a complete enough description to know for sure, but
they have suspects. He did say, though, that they've been having
problems in the area, not just at the mall with people being beaten,
usually ...” Jack's voice trailed off for a few moments, not really
wanting to finish, but Daniel was staring, his inquisitive blue eyes
demanding the sentence be completed. “... men, between twenty and
forty.”
Jack watched Daniel, standing and staring like a zombie, and concluded,
“From what they know, this gang is hanging out, watching public places,
picking out their targets. No real reason.”
“I forgot,” Daniel spoke quietly.
“Forgot what, Angel?”
“One of them said he had seen me before, looking at someone ... had to
be you, I suppose ... looking at you ... just ... looking at you,”
Daniel droned, the ache of knowing that a simple look of love had
apparently been the catalyst for his beating.
Daniel was standing at the doorway, his arms folded. His bruises
were fading with each passing day, his physical injuries slowly
healing. He'd told the police everything he knew, but just as
he'd told Jack, he didn't get a solid look at any of them, in large
part, he had to admit, due to his fatigue, frustration, and fear.
The archaeologist had also been singled out, for reasons he couldn't
understand. That fact cut into his very soul in such a way that he
couldn't even understand it himself, let alone explain his tumultuous
feelings to his lover. He wanted the whole thing to go
away. Truth be told, Daniel just wanted to get away himself.
Knowing he needed to say something, the young man finally added, “Even
if they find them, I can't identify them, not for sure, and I don't
want to do anything based on ... incomplete evidence. Please,
Jack.”
Jack nodded and agreed, “Okay.”
Daniel walked out of the study, leaving Jack alone with his
worry. He was no longer worried about the kicks, punches, and
bruises. Now, it was his lover's lack of belief in himself that
frightened Jack. Daniel had taken the events of that night and
let them drain him of his confidence.
The last time Jack had seen Daniel full of as much self-doubt as he was
seeing now was when he'd first met the younger man. At that
point, Daniel had been laughed out of academia, leaving him with no
choice but to accept Catherine's offer to join the Stargate Program.
Upon joining, Daniel's confidence level increased as he first opened
the Stargate and then helped to save the Abydonian people from
Ra. Upon returning, Jack's love and support had really allowed
the archaeologist to flourish, but now all of that seemed to have been
destroyed by the incident at the mall.
Jack had trained his lover in self-defense. He knew Daniel was
one of the strongest fighters at the SGC, and he was a scrapper.
He looked small, but he was six feet tall with broad shoulders, and
since Jack had suggested he work out, his physique was awesome.
Daniel was not a wimp, and, in fact, was far from it, but those
monsters had injured his soul more than his body, and Jack was having a
hard time helping Daniel's mind and spirit to heal.
====
“Dismissed. Jack, in my office.”
Jack took a deep breath as he gathered up the pre-mission report.
He glanced at Daniel for a quick moment, watching him follow Sam and
Teal'c out of the briefing room with his head lowered. Daniel
hadn't said much during the briefing. In fact, he hadn't said
much at all since the attack, and Jack had a good idea why General
Hammond had requested his presence in his office.
“Sit down, Jack.”
“Something wrong, Sir?”
“You tell me,” Hammond said, sitting back in his chair, an aura of
expectation surrounding him.
“Everything's ... fine, Sir. Just ... peachy.”
“Doctor Fraiser informed me this morning that she isn't sure she's
comfortable with clearing Doctor Jackson for the mission this
afternoon.”
“Daniel will be fine.”
“The operative phrase there, Colonel, is 'will be'.” Seeing the
leader of the flagship team look down evasively, he continued, “Jack, I
understand he's been through a difficult ordeal, and I know you want
him on your team. *I* want him on your team, but can you honestly
sit there and tell me that the man who walked out of the briefing room
just now is the Daniel Jackson we've come to know?” ~and love,~
the general added.
“He needs this mission, General.”
“Jack, SG-1 has been on three missions in the last nine days, none of
which seems to have impacted Doctor Jackson, one way or the
other. I'm inclined to agree with Doctor Fraiser that until ...”
Jack stood up, raising his voice as he argued, “No, General, he needs
*this* one. You don't understand.” He paused, regretful of his
outburst. “I'm sorry, Sir, but Daniel does need this mission.”
“What makes this mission so different?”
“The ruins,” Jack mumbled.
“Ruins?” Hammond glanced at the folder on his desk, saying,
“Jack, there was no mention in the briefing about ruins.”
“I know that, Sir. Carter was ... we kinda wanted to surprise
him. They showed up in some of the readings Carter got back
yesterday. General, this is the kind of place that Daniel gets so
fanatical about. You know, those places he loses himself in and
bores us all silly about for hours on end, begging for more time.”
“The six-hour debriefings about ancient cultures,” Hammond
acknowledged, privately amused and well aware that he was exaggerating,
just slightly.
“Right,” Jack confirmed. “He needs to be at that place. I
know we only have a few hours while Carter conducts the energy and
mineral testing, but while she's playing with her doohickeys,” he
continued, causing a small smile to appear on the general's face,
“Daniel can do what he does best, what he loves most in the
world. It's important, Sir.”
Hammond studied his 2IC closely for a few moments, noting both the plea
and insistence of the tone of his voice.
With a nod, the general replied, “Very well, Jack. I'll talk to
Doctor Fraiser ... *this* time, but, Colonel, it'll be the last time
unless Doctor Jackson shows a marked improvement to becoming his old
self again.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
“SG-1 will embark on schedule tomorrow at 1000 hours. Dismissed,
Colonel.” ~I hope you know what you're doing, Jack. I want our
boy back to his old self just as much as you do, but if this doesn't
work, I don't know what any of us can do,~ the general thought, knowing
that their best chance for the safe return of Daniel lay with the man
who'd just left his office.
====
As SG-1 walked through the mineral rich valley of the planet called
Troljanda, Jack pondered their situation. Teal'c was in the lead,
then Sam, and Daniel. Jack was watching Daniel's six, one of his
favorite pastimes in all the world.
Since the beating at the mall, Daniel's physical injuries had
completely healed, the bruises having disappeared and the scarring
evaporating and melding into his skin. The mental injuries,
however, were still very visible. He'd been unusually quiet and
had, in fact, become a bit of a recluse, staying either at the SGC or
in their house, holed up with books or research reports and surrounded
by artifacts.
The archaeologist had rarely initiated any type of conversation, and
even at the SGC, he'd said only what was required and nothing
more. He walked with sagging shoulders and a bowed head. He
kept his office door closed, shutting out the rest of the world.
Many of Daniel's friends had tried to talk with him, or at the very
least simply be there in support, spending time with the young man, but
he had blocked all their efforts. Sam, Teal'c, Lou Ferretti,
Casey Hemmings, and Jeff Cornell had all made repeated efforts to stay
by Daniel's side, but he had rebuffed all of them. He had even
found a way to back out of a planned museum excursion with Cassandra,
and not even Mrs. Valissi's scrumptious Italian cooking could entice
him to have dinner with the loving neighbor who thought of Daniel as a
son.
The subdued scientist had shut Jack out, too. Instead of sleeping
on his Jack pillow, as was his custom, he was sleeping on his left
side. Jack would spoon into him and hold and caress him, but that
was all Daniel would allow. They hadn't made love, or even kissed
much. Whenever Jack had tried to show affection, Daniel simply
went along, and that was the problem.
Daniel wasn't fighting Jack, but he also wasn't being a
participant. When Jack looked into his life partner's eyes, he
saw nothing but compliance, an unresisting 'do whatever you want and
need to do' type of look, which tore through the older man's soul,
ripping it to pieces at the pain his soulmate was feeling.
Two nights ago, out of desperation, Jack had tried to goad
Daniel. He had tried everything else, but all he had ever gotten
in response was the look of a zombie, not the spirited, passionate man
he loved and was used to. So, he'd tried to start an argument,
ending by calling his lover a child, taunting him that he was acting
like a three-year-old and should be treated like one.
Unfortunately, instead of having fire in his eyes and rage in his
voice, Daniel had spoken softly, acknowledging his lover's assessment
with a succinct, “You're right, Jack,” and then walking away.
No matter what Jack had done or said, Daniel's reaction had been
completely unfeeling, almost like a drone: functioning with facts, but
lacking any emotion.
Troljanda was a lush, rain forest-like planet that the Tok'ra had told
the Tau'ri about. It was inhabited by a gentle population of
human-like beings whom had given the SGC permission to conduct tests
and make use of their results in whatever manner they wanted to.
The Troljandans lived mainly in caved cities and had no use for the
fertile minerals or compounds on its surface.
The ruins Jack had discussed with the general had shown up during one
of the UAV flights. Jack was hoping that the mysteries that the
old writings and walls held would spark something inside his
lover. He didn't know what he'd do if they didn't.
The ruins were southwest of where Sam needed to run her tests, but a
second run of the UAV showed they were further away from the test site
than originally thought, so Jack had been forced to change their plans
slightly.
Instead of Daniel being able to examine the ruins while the tests were
being conducted, they would stop there to have a quick look around and
judge Daniel's reaction, and then they'd have to help Sam set up her
testing. They'd give Daniel as much time as they could, but it
wouldn't be what Jack had initially hoped for.
The team was carrying a lot of equipment with them, and all four were
needed to assist in its set up. After the testing had begun,
Teal'c would be going to the Troljandan city to learn more about the
citizens and their culture.
The Troljandans had taken to the Jaffa. His size and coloring had
made him appear more acceptable to them, for reasons the Tau'ri hadn't
yet understood, but the Troljandans had wanted only Teal'c to come and
share.
The Tok'ra had prepared their allies for this quirk, explaining that it
was never known what race or creed the inhabitants would gather round,
but no matter what culture had been introduced to them, they always
seemed to flock to one for what they called a 'learning round
table'. Teal'c would be staying with them for three days to share
in the process.
The remainder of SG-1, however, would have to return in twenty-four
hours to finish a delicate negotiation with yet another new potential
ally. Thus, the game plan was to go in, let Daniel 'play' for a
short while, get the tests set up, help Sam calculate and monitor the
sensitive equipment and results, and then head back to the SGC.
It had been Jack's decision not to warn Daniel about the discovery of
the ruins. He hoped that if they simply 'stumbled' upon it, that
Daniel's natural love of ancient history would take root and pull him
out of his funk. He watched his archaeologist carefully, knowing
the ruins were less than a mile away.
====
Daniel was lost in his thoughts, thoughts like ~You're a real loser,
Jackson~ and ~Jack needs someone stronger than me~ or ~I wish I were
dead.~
Those three notions had pretty much been at the core of the anguished
man's thinking for the last couple of weeks. He had totally lost
sight of who he was and why Jack loved him so much. As he walked,
Daniel caught a glance at something he wasn't expecting. For a
moment, his curiosity took hold. He quickened his pace, but then
he stopped and just stared.
~C'mon Danny,~ Jack was urging privately from behind. ~This is
the stuff you love. Show me you're still in there,~ he rooted
silently, almost afraid to breathe as he watched, standing as still as
Daniel was.
Sam and Teal'c had stopped, too, watching Jack for instructions.
He motioned for them to hold their ground and remain silent.
Daniel finally walked slowly toward the first layer of ruins that were
outside of a fallen structure. His slender fingers traced the
carvings that were made on several of the walls, and his eyes roamed
every inch of the walls, from top to bottom. He walked around
several of the exposed walls.
~Come on, Angel. I know you're there. Let those juices
flow, Love,~ Jack pleaded silently.
“Jack, look at these.”
~There we go.~ Daniel had spoken softly, but Jack's heart sang at
hearing the voice. He leisurely approached the archaeologist with
his best 'What, more rocks?' swagger and asked calmly, “What are they?”
“I don't know exactly, but they could tell us a lot about the
Troljandans ... I think.”
“How long?”
Daniel looked at Jack with clueless eyes, asking, “How long what?”
“How long to figure out ... anything ... from all of ... this?” Jack
asked, holding his arm out, signaling the ruins.
“Weeks, months ... I don't know.”
“Better get started,” Jack responded. “We can hang out here for
an hour or so. I know it's not much, but maybe we can get some
pictures and tape, and you can do whatever it is you do, and we can
pitch it to Hammond for a return trip.”
Daniel nodded, which wasn't exactly what Jack had hoped for, but at
least it was something, and Daniel's eyes had shown some sign of life.
Jack called out to the others, “Carter, Teal'c, let's let Daniel play
in his sandbox for a while. Help him out if we can. How
long do we have, Carter?”
Sam knew her CO wanted Daniel to have at least an hour. She
looked at her watch and debated. She spoke silently to herself,
considering all the tests she would need to complete. She was
very excited about the readings she had gotten and was especially
looking forward to conducting a little extra experiment, using the
planet's natural minerals and some samples she had brought. It
wasn't on the schedule, but she knew she'd have time, if they got there
in the next hour, as unofficially scheduled.
~It's working.~ In her best Air Force manner, Sam started to say
her 'scripted' line about having an hour, but as she looked up, she saw
Daniel's eyes affixed on one stone carving, causing her to pause.
He was lost in it, already scribbling notes. It was more life
than she'd seen from him in quite a while. Looking at her CO, she
answered, “We have at least ninety minutes, Sir, maybe more.”
Sam had just tabled her personal desires and curiosity, and Jack was
well aware of that, flashing her a silent 'thank you' smile.
Teal'c stayed with Daniel as he made notes and asked questions about
some of the cultures Teal'c had been involved with to see if there was
any tie-in. Sam was taking photos, lots and lots of photos, on
Daniel's behalf, and Jack was carefully videotaping the entire area.
While SG-1 was a team unit, always helping each other, this was the
first time they'd all worked so diligently on trying to detail a site
for their archaeologist. In this instance, they all knew there
was more at stake than an ancient civilization being detailed correctly.
“Jack. Wow! Look at this. I think it may tie in to
the Furlings,” Daniel theorized.
“The Furlings? How?”
“I'm not sure.”
“Then how do you know?”
With a cock of his head and a wave of his hand, Daniel answered,
“Because the language is similar to an old Indian one I learned once,
well at least I learned a part of it, I mean, I don't know it all, but
the point is I think I can read part of this ... and ... I think it's
talking about the Furlings.”
“We need something a little more concrete, Daniel.”
“I need more time, Jack.”
Jack smiled. Daniel had finally asked for something, but while he
smiled at that, he also hated what he was going to have to say
next. He looked at his 2IC.
With a sigh, Sam shook her head, saying, “We've already stayed longer
than we should have, Colonel. If we don't go, I won't have time
to finish the tests.”
A darkness filling him, Jack sighed, “We'll talk Hammond into letting
us come back, Daniel. We can't wait any longer.”
“But, Jack ... okay.”
Jack closed his eyes, hating himself. Daniel had shown a spark,
and now he had no choice but to extinguish it. Sometimes, life
was unkind to Jack O'Neill.
====
Sam's doohickeys were all set, and she was currently monitoring the
first results. Teal'c had left to meet with the Troljandans, and
Daniel was pacing, while Jack watched both him and some electronic
device Sam had asked him to keep an eye on. He was supposed to
let her know if the reading went over a 'five' at any time.
“This is so ... fascinating, Major,” Jack whined.
“Welcome to my world, Colonel,” Sam said, smiling and being totally in
heaven as she played with her 'toys', as Jack thought of them.
“Jack?”
“Major, is the sky going to cave in if I talk with Daniel for a minute
and miss this thing going from 'two' to 'three'?”
“No, Sir.”
“I'll be right back,” Jack stated. He walked to Daniel, who lead
him outside of Sam's sight. “What's up?” he asked, tapping on his
P-90.
Daniel turned and said calmly as he pointed at the weapon, “Put that
down, Jack.”
Jack stared at Daniel and chuckled, “I don't think so.”
“Please,” Daniel asked with an irresistible smile.
It was the first genuine smile Jack had seen on Daniel since before he
had left town a couple of weeks ago and so his P-90 was gently placed
against the tree.
“Okay, now wha...mmmmmm.”
Jack found himself attacked by one very adorable archaeologist.
The passion almost overwhelmed him. It had been so long since
they'd kissed like they were doing now.
Daniel flung his arms around Jack, and Jack's quickly wrapped around
Daniel's waist, pressing them together.
~This feels good,~ Jack thought happily to himself, but then the
colonel part of his brain reminded him where they were, and the lover
part was none too pleased, but gave in. “Danny, I love you, but
... we have to help Carter, something about reading all those
doohickeys and for some reason, she can't do it alone.”
“No, she can't, Jack, but she doesn't need both of us. You can
help her.”
“And while I'm helping her, you'll be ... ?” the colonel prodded.
“Studying the ruins.”
“I don't think so, Daniel,” Jack replied, shaking his head slightly.
“Why not?”
“Because you'd be alone on a strange planet.”
“Jack, I can take care of myself,” Daniel argued, though his words
weren't quite as strong as they normally were, but at least he had said
them. “Jack, the Troljandans are friendly, and they don't even
live out here. The ruins are only forty-five minutes away, and
we're only talking a couple of hours. Please.”
Even the colonel melted. He just couldn't say 'no' to Daniel's
first request since the attack.
“You check in when you get there, and we'll radio before we
leave. We'll meet you in three hours.”
“But what about the equipment? You'll need me to carry some of
it.”
“Nah, we can handle it. Go play in your sandbox.”
“It's not a sandbox, Jack.”
Jack was loving this. Daniel's tone was tentative, but there was
snap in there now, and it was filling up his heart with joy. Now,
they had a fighting chance.
“Be careful, Love,” Daniel stated as he started to walk away.
Turning back to see his lover picking up his P-90, he called out,
“Jack?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you,” Daniel stated; then turned and walked hurriedly towards
the ruins.
“Yep, we're going to be okay now,” Jack spoke softly, seeing light at
the end of the tunnel. Not that it would be easy, and he knew
that kiss was Daniel trying to get what he wanted, but the fact his
lover had done that meant he was in that robotic body, struggling to
get out. Now Jack knew he could be reached. ~That's
definitely progress.~
====
Daniel made excellent time, arriving back at the ruins in only thirty
minutes. Of course, he had run a good part of the way, eager to
see what he could learn about the Furlings. They still knew so
little about this great race they had yet to meet. They'd met the
Asgard, the Ancients, and the Nox, in one way or another, but never the
Furlings, at least not to their knowledge, so this potential link
excited the archaeologist.
His professional juices bubbling for the first time in weeks, Daniel
set out to learn all he could in the short time he had, barely able to
remember to check in with Jack.
“Jack, this is Daniel. Come in.”
“Daniel, are you okay?”
“I'm fine. You told me to check in when I got here. Well,
I'm here.”
“You sound out of breath.”
“Yeah, well ... I guess I ran a little.”
“Danny?” the colonel called out, a tad concerned.
“I'm fine, Jack. I just didn't want to waste any time, which is why I'm
signing off now. Daniel out.”
Jack growled audibly, causing Sam to laugh.
“Well, at least he sounds alive now,” Jack commented with a shrug and a
slight smile.
“You think this will actually work, Sir?”
“I hope so, Major. I don't want to think about the alternative.”
====
Daniel was lost in his world of ancient civilizations. He had
made significant progress and felt both challenged and energized.
It felt good, he admitted to himself. Suddenly, though, as he
reached for a flashlight, the young man realized it had turned dark.
“What the ...?” Daniel questioned out loud as he looked at his watch.
Five hours had passed. Jack and Sam were supposed to radio before
they left their location, and that should have happened at least two or
three hours ago.
“Jack, this is Daniel. Come in, please.” His heartbeat
quickened as he stood up and paced for a minute. “Jack?
Sam? This is Daniel. Please acknowledge.” A full
minute passed, but there was no response. “*Jack*,” he shouted
into the radio, his pulse beginning to race with concern.
Daniel looked around at the planet's darkness. There was no moon
over Troljanda, only a couple of very dim satellites that provided a
bare minimum of light making it very difficult to see.
“Jack, please come in. *Jack*!”
Daniel began to run back to the testing site. Even though he had
a flashlight, he was running so fast that he was unable to notice every
obstacle in his path. As a result, he tripped a couple of times.
“Shibatwray,” Daniel cursed in Abydonian when he fell the second time.
The archaeologist was angry at himself for having become so wrapped up
in the ruins that he'd failed to notice the lack of the expected
check-in by his lover. He was breathing hard, not from the
running, but from the panic that erupted inside him. He was
fearing the worst, well aware that his lover would never let him go off
by himself for so long.
Even when life was normal, Jack would watch over Daniel. It was
just his way, and Daniel didn't really mind because Jack loved him, and
he loved Jack. Lately, though, he hadn't been himself, doubting
his abilities and his entire lifestyle.
With that in mind, Jack would never let Daniel out of his sight on a
strange planet for very long, and he certainly wouldn't have missed a
scheduled check in. The only reason Daniel could think of for
Jack to miss the opportunity to 'mother hen' him was that something
terrible had happened, preventing the colonel from checking in and
meeting him at the ruins.
Halfway there, Daniel stopped, his heart was pounding and his head was
throbbing. He bent over putting his hands on his knees. He
closed his eyes, and concentrated as hard as he could. He flicked
on the radio again, but there was still no response. He continued
his run, until he finally reached the testing area.
It was hard to breathe, but Daniel had to be silent. The area was
in shambles with Sam's equipment smashed and spread out all over the
ground.
“*Jack? Sam*?” Daniel called out, but only the darkness answered
him. He spun around in desperation looking for something,
anything. Then his heart stopped as he saw something about eight
yards in front of him, barely visible in the beam of the
flashlight. He slowly walked and picked it up, and sank to his
knees. “Jack?” he cried softly, holding his Silver Fox's
blood-soiled cap in his hands.
Daniel's cry intensified as he saw the bullet hole on the left side of
the cap. He held the cap to his stomach, as he vomited.
====
Daniel had returned to the testing site after searching the surrounding
area in vain for his lover and Sam. There hadn't been any sign of
them, except for the bloodied cap he was currently twisting in his
hands..
The anguished lover sat on the ground, despair and agony consuming
him. He rocked back and forth for a couple of minutes, wallowing
in his loss. He had gone to 'play' in his sandbox, and his
soulmate had probably been killed. What's worse, he'd treated
Jack horribly during the past two weeks while he drowned himself in
self-pity. He had almost left Jack several times, convinced Jack
would be better off without him.
Daniel traced the blood on the cap with his fingers and then held the
cap to his nose and mouth as he rocked himself. He closed his
eyes, and concentrated as hard as he could. It was the only thing
he could will himself to do at the moment.
**Jack. Please hear me. Jack? Say something,
anything. Jack, I love you so much. I need you, Jack.
Where are you? Talk to me!**
Jack and Daniel had a rare near-telepathic connection. It wasn't
exactly telepathy. They couldn't read each other's minds, but
they did have an unusual sense or awareness about the other, and
sometimes, they were able to translate that awareness into private,
unspoken conversations. Daniel was desperate to sense his lover,
and, in his fragile emotional state, was kicking himself for not
thinking of it before.
**Gawd, Jack, please be alive,** Daniel begged the cap he held close.
**Danny. Get away ... now!**
Daniel stopped in the middle of his rocking. His eyes opened
wide, the cap against his lips. He slowly lowered it down to hold
it close to his heart. He didn't dare to breathe.
With all the love he could he muster, and that was a lot, he let his
heart reach out.
**I'm going to find you, Jack. Do you know where you are?**
**No ... don't ... dangerous.**
**Don't argue, Jack.**
**That's my Danny, never follow an order.**
**Don't want to ruin my image. Are you hurt? How's Sam?**
As quickly as the communication had begun, it ended. Once again,
there was only silence.
Daniel knew one of two things had happened. He had either gone
insane, or his lover was injured, and it was up to Daniel to find the
older man. He laughed inwardly. That was a joke. How could
he help Jack? He was useless. Jack needed someone he could depend
on, someone who knew how to look after himself.
Feeling anything but confident, Daniel sighed and looked around.
He was alone; there was no one else. He could do this. He
had to do this.
====
~Get it together, Jackson.~ A bit later, Daniel stood up.
He took a final look at the cap, kissed it, and said softly, “I love
you, Jack, and I'm going to find you and Sam, and then we're all going
home ... together.”
Daniel put the cap in his pocket and very carefully surveyed the
destroyed testing site again. This time, though, he wasn't
looking at it from the eyes of a desperate lover, but from those of the
Special Ops trainee.
Over the years, Jack had taught Daniel the tricks of the trade, and now
it was time for Daniel to prove that he'd been paying attention.
He also needed to prove his own words right, that he could not only
take care of himself, but his family, too, and Jack O'Neill was Daniel
Jackson's family. Though he was tired, there was no time for rest.
The amateur Special Ops sleuth noticed for the first time that Sam's
pack was gone. He remembered that she had taken it off when they
had started setting up. He also didn't see any of her notes or
notebooks anywhere, but he did see, gathered on the ground, the
notations Jack had been making. He also saw some blood against
the canvas that had stowed some of the equipment; it wasn't much, but
it was enough to indicate a struggle might have happened there.
It was still night, and as much as Daniel wanted to go in search of his
lover, he also knew the smart thing to do was to wait for daylight.
“Patience, Danny, is often the key to a successful op. People
panic; they rush in. It's the biggest mistake you could ever
make. It's not always easy, but trust me, Grasshopper, patience
may one day save your life, or mine.”
Daniel chilled at the remembrance of an early training session with his
lover, but he could hear the words. He trusted Jack, so he
wrapped himself in a blanket and waited for the daylight to come.
The sleep would be welcome, although he knew he wouldn't get much, if
any, but he was proud that he was heeding Jack's training and not
adhering to his own stubborn pride.
**I'm coming, Jack. Just hold on. I love you.**
====
Daniel blinked at the sight of the sun. He had fallen asleep, but
he knew it hadn't been for long. He took care of nature's
calling, and went about his task of finding his soulmate.
Using the experience he'd accumulated over the years, Daniel studied
the ground, and saw footprints leading to the edge of the test
area. He didn't see tracks going in any other direction, so he
decided to go northeast, which was the direction in which the
footprints led also where he'd initially found Jack's ball cap.
He headed that way, and noticed more blood on the ground, but it was a
grassy area, and there were no footprints to follow.
The archaeologist remembered something Jack had said about observing
bushes and plants, looking for missing pieces and bent twigs, anything
unusual that might indicate someone had walked through or by the
shrubbery. As he looked, he saw plants with broken stems and
missing leaves. He decided to keep going in that direction.
He wasn't a tracker, but he would do the best he could.
====
Daniel was tired. The daytime on Troljanda lasted eighteen Earth
hours. He prayed he was going in the right direction. He
had found a handkerchief of Jack's as he traveled through the
forest. It was soaked in blood, and the only reason he knew it
was Jack's was because he had bought it for him, along with two others
just like it, last Christmas and they were easily recognizable, having
been embroidered with F-15's in blue on one side and the Air Force
emblem on the other.
Daniel ate half of the only power bar he had. It was one he had
thrown into his pocket while studying the ruins. In his haste to
find out what had happened to Jack and Sam, he had left his pack
behind. For a while, he'd berated himself for such a costly
oversight, but Jack didn't need him wallowing in more self-pity.
No, what his lover needed was for him to keep himself together, to be
strong, and to rescue him.
The would-be-rescuer closed his eyes to calm himself, realizing that
all he had was what was in his pockets, and it would have to be good
enough, even if it wasn't much.
Night had fallen, and Daniel huddled himself against a large tree,
knowing he had to wait for daylight again. There were two good
things about the nights on Troljanda -- they only lasted seven hours,
and the temperature rarely went below fifty degrees. It rained a
lot at night, but it was a warm rain.
--
When Daniel awoke the next morning, he was dampened by the mists of the
night, but the giant trees had shielded him from the worst of the
downpours. With steadfast determination, he again set out in
search of Jack and Sam.
====
Five hours into the second day of his trek, Daniel came upon a
camp. He counted eight men, three apparently guarding the
perimeter, four at a table talking, and one was in front of a
moderately sized canvas tent reading something.
Daniel moved back from his position very carefully, afraid of being
spotted. When he was sure he was far enough away, he tried to
make contact with Jack again, concentrating as hard as he could.
If ever there was a time to be telepathic, this was it.
**Jack? Jack, can you hear me?**
**Danny, love you.**
**Love you, too, but we don't have time for that right now. Jack,
do you know where you are?**
Daniel was breathing heavily from the tenseness of the situation and
when Jack didn't answer, he almost panicked, until he remembered Jack's
pearl of wisdom about patience.
**Jack, are you in a tent? Is Sam there? Is anyone else
with you?**
**Tent, yes. Don't know about ... others.**
**Are you hurt, Jack?**
**Love you, Danny, but need you to be safe. Go, please.**
Daniel sighed. The avoidance of his question meant a definite
'yes' response.
**Jack, my turn. You do what you always tell me to do. Stay
alive. That's your job now. Stay alive. I'll find you
and take you home, but you have to stay alive. ... Jack?**
The connection had died.
~He's just asleep,~ Daniel silently decided, preferring not to consider
any other option as he shifted his position to study the situation
further.
====
Nighttime had fallen again, and it was time for Daniel to make his
move. He had watched the strangers. There were always the
three guards, but they were relaxed, and their perimeter searches were
lackadaisical and incomplete. Daniel figured they weren't
expecting trouble so weren't guarding against it. The guards were
not in the sights of the others, which aided in his plan.
Three of the men had gone to sleep, several yards away from the tent,
near a fire. This left one man in front of the tent, and the last
man inside.
“Surprise, Danny, is always your best friend in any attack. When
they aren't expecting you, their defenses are down; and if they are
expecting you, and it's at all possible, do the opposite of what is
logical. It may be riskier, but the element of surprise will lean
the odds in your favor.”
Jack's words echoed through Daniel. He knew they weren't
expecting him, or anyone else. That was clear from their actions
during the day, and how they guarded the site.
Daniel inched his way quietly through the rain forest surrounding the
camp. He was close to the guard that blocked him from the back of
the tent. Suddenly, he tensed, well aware that he had to be clear
on his task. This moment was more than being the soldier he knew
he was required to be now. It was also more than defending
himself and his team in battle. What he was about to do, was
murder. He wondered if he could do it. He almost backed
away, but then he heard his Silver Fox again.
**Danny, not going to last much longer. Love you. Please be
safe. Love you, Angel.**
Daniel screamed in his mind, and his eyes grew cold. There was no
way he was going to have come this far and lose his Heart anyway.
He focused again on the man, gently easing the dagger from his
boot. This wasn't a regular military knife, but one of a pair of
very sharp, specially made daggers that Jack had covertly acquired for
them both only a few months ago. No one knew they carried
them. Until now, they'd never needed them. He remembered
Jack's words that had convinced him to carry it, and now he was glad
//Flashback//
“Jack, this is ridiculous. I don't want to carry this thing on
missions.”
“Humor me, Love,” Jack requested, scowling at the younger man's
resistant stare. “Look, Danny, we never know what we'll run
across. I'm just asking you to be prepared.”
“I have the Beretta, Jack.”
“Which they'll immediately take. They might find the knife, or
they might get lazy, and that, Danny, could save our bacon big time.”
“Jack, I could never use it, not ... not in the way you're thinking.”
“I hope you never have to, Daniel, but if you do, don't hesitate.
It needs to be quick and clean, like this ...”
//End of Flashback//
Daniel flinched for a moment, remembering the procedure Jack had
demonstrated to him, and forced him to re-enact over and over
again. They had argued about it at the time, but now, Daniel was
glad he had lost the loud debate that night.
His resolve renewed and decision made, Daniel went undetected,
approaching the careless guard from behind, and with one swift move,
slit his throat. Not one sound was made. He quietly lowered
the dead man to the ground, suppressing the strong urge to throw up
again.
Daniel wanted to sneak into the tent and carry Jack to safety, but even
if he did so, once the others woke up and realized Jack was gone, he
feared they'd track them down, and they didn't have the weapons to
fight anyone, especially with Jack injured.
Having no choice, the archaeologist again fought off the desire to
heave just thinking about what had just happened and what was yet to
happen. Like a stealth plane, he glided around to the other two
guards and repeated his actions. He had now killed three
men. He couldn't think about it, or both he and Jack would be
goners.
The rescuer had acquired the dead men's weapons. Two looked like
pistols, the other some alien device he' never seen before. He
saw Jack's P-90 sitting by the campfire near the food. He
wondered if the men realized how powerful of a weapon it is, since it
was casually sitting with the food, away from the men.
The archaeologist noticed that the man relaxing in front of the tent
was sleeping. He had to make a decision about the eighth man in
the tent, not knowing what he was doing. His heart was
racing. He was afraid of making a wrong choice, not sure whether
to go after the three sleeping men, or the man asleep in front of the
tent, or try to get under the tent and get that man inside.
Daniel closed his eyes, remembering yet another Jack O'Neill pearl of
wisdom:
“When in doubt, Danny, follow your gut instinct. Don't over
think, and I know that's hard for you. Heaven knows asking you
not to think is like asking the sun to set at noon, but when push comes
to shove, Love, and you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, stop
thinking, and go with your intuition. Do what your gut is telling
you to do.”
~Gawd, I hope so, Jack,~ Daniel silently prayed as he slithered along
the ground, grabbing the P-90 and backing off in the direction he had
come.
Daniel hid the weapons he had taken off the dead men, and then he
followed his gut instinct as Jack had instructed. He crawled
along the edges of the tent and was able to lift the bottom
slightly. He caught his first glimpse of Jack, but didn't allow
what he saw to sink in, focusing instead on the eighth man, writing
notes while sitting in a chair at a table. Jack was on a cot
behind him. The tent was closed. Daniel couldn't see the
outline of the man he knew was sleeping in front of it.
The young man crawled to the front of the tent, checking to make sure
that the three sleeping men were still by the campfire. They
hadn't moved. He stood up. The sleeping man was hunched over as
if to fight his sleep. He had to move with precision. If he
didn't time this exactly right, the man could awaken and warn the
others.
Daniel knew he couldn't use the same maneuver on this man as he had on
the others because he couldn't come from behind. He would be
coming from along the side. It was a far riskier move than his
previous attacks. He backed away, retrieved the P-90 and placed
it at the corner of the tent. He wanted to take a deep breath,
but was afraid of being too loud. His anxiety was great, his
palms sweating and pulse racing. He wondered if the others could
hear his pounding heart, which sounded like thunder to him.
The archaeologist thought his stomach had risen to his throat.
Everything balanced on his ability to neutralize this man without
waking the others. He had to gain control of his nervous
anxiety. He had to save Jack and Sam. Then, Jack's words
echoed through his mind, “... but trust me, Grasshopper, patience may save your life, or mine.”
Daniel backed away. He would wait, just a while longer, to see if
the man in the tent, or the man asleep front of it, changed their
positions. It was the smart and patient thing to do. He
still had four hours of night left. He made a silent deal with
himself to give it one hour, and then he'd move in, one way or the
other.
====
Forty minutes later, Daniel got lucky, and his patience paid off when
the man in front of the tent got up and walked towards the
campfire. Daniel's only worry was that he might notice the
missing P-90.
The man took a drink of something and headed towards the woods, where
one of the dead guards laid. Daniel moved swiftly like a deer to
get into position, and just when the man was about to stumble over one
of the dead guards, Daniel grabbed hold and started to slice his
throat, but the man was strong and jabbed Daniel with his elbow,
pushing him back.
Daniel's luck had turned bad. The man charged him, and they
rolled along the ground, each trying to get control of the knife.
He was afraid his adversary would call out and alert his friends.
He knew if he didn't succeed, Jack would die. The man had Daniel
on the ground, choking him. Daniel gasped trying to breathe, his
mind flooded with thoughts of Jack's life being his responsibility.
The scientist stopped trying to remove the man's hands from his throat,
and concentrated on getting his right hand to his Beretta.
Struggling to get air, he managed to unholster the gun and hit the man
on the side of the head with it. He coughed when the man released
his hands from Daniel's neck and rolled to the ground while Daniel
moved onto his knees.
~You don't have time for this, Jackson,~ Daniel chided himself.
The man had started to come around. Daniel had no time, so he
kicked him in the groin, stunning him.
Daniel found his dagger and his gun. He knelt in front of the
man. This was hard. This situation was very different from
the others, but he had no choice. He had nothing to tie the man
with.
“I have no choice. I'm sorry,” Daniel said softly, and just as
the man started to come to, his knife severed the life from him.
Daniel wanted to cry. He wanted to vomit. He wanted to run,
but, again, he knew he was Jack's lifeline, and time was running
out. Acting on auto-pilot, afraid to let himself think or feel,
he returned to the tent and picked up the P-90, placing it around
himself as he had seen Jack do so many times.
The archaeologist looked at the sleeping men, and envisioned the images
of Apophis, Hathor, and other Goa'ulds he hated the most. Apophis
had changed his life forever, the snaking and rape of his beautiful
Sha're never completely forgotten, while Hathor had raped him and
abused Jack. Others flashed through his mind. He pictured
their faces and heard their taunts in his mind. He saw Apophis
holding the hand of his Sha're as they walked to the Stargate. He
heard Hathor's seductive, “It is time that you become our chosen
one.” He felt Jack's pain at watching Skaara, the boy both cared
about, be chosen as the host for Apophis' son.
Daniel let himself get lost in the hate. It was the only way he
could do this. He let every hurt, every slap, every emotional
scar come to the surface. There would be no mercy in his mind or
heart for the horrid Goa'uld he held in his thoughts. Finally,
with his body full of rage for Apophis, Hathor, and the others, he
clicked off the safety on the P-90 and fired multiple rounds into the
sleeping men.
Then Daniel turned and saw the eighth man running out of the tent to
see what had happened. They locked eyes in the black air, each
man unable to see more than just the outline of their opponent.
Somehow, though, their eyes, two pairs of cold eyes, locked onto each
other, trying to stare down the other.
After the man pulled his weapon and moved to go inside the tent, Daniel
ran, following him inside. Just as the man was about to fire the
weapon into Jack's body, Daniel called out. Inside, he had
allowed himself a faint hope that one man might live, that he might not
have to kill them all, but the man turned and smiled an evil expression.
For a moment, Daniel wanted the man to win the war, to fire his weapon
into him. The archaeologist was afraid the aftermath of his
actions would kill him anyway. He almost begged for the man to
fire.
The man laughed as Daniel breathed hard.
“Coward,” the eighth man spat, as he again aimed the weapon at Jack.
Daniel fired the P-90, but nothing happened. He didn't know if it
was the firing pin, the ejector, or just a bad round of ammunition that
prevented the powerful gun from releasing its deadly projectiles, but
his eyes widened in fear that his failure would cost Jack his
life. The eighth man cackled heartily.
“Weakling and weak weapons. He dies; then you,” the man vowed as
he slowly squeezed the triggering device.
The echo of Daniel's Beretta filled the night air, the weapon now
dangling limply from Daniel's fingers. He had drawn the gun
quietly, and fired on his target. His shot had plunged through
the man's side.
The injured man angled backwards, but didn't fall, now aiming his
weapon at Daniel.
Daniel tightened his grip on his own gun and fired round after round
through the alien's torso and lungs, and twice where the man's heart
would be if he were human. Finally, his sixth shot pounded
through the man's chest.
In a rage over all he had done and the pain he was sure Jack had
suffered at the hands of these men, Daniel grabbed his dagger and slit
the dead man's throat. He began to cry and at the same time, he
pounded on the corpse, hitting him over and over again.
“Danny ... Danny ... I ... need you ... Danny,” Jack groaned with
painful short breaths.
Daniel stood and stumbled backwards, tears down his cheeks, blood all
over his shirt.
“Danny,” Jack called again, finally getting the young man to come back
to reality.
Daniel hurried to the cot and for the first time got a good look at his
lover, who was blindfolded. He'd been shot twice by some sort of
projectile weapon. One discharge had creased Jack's temple, the
dried blood all over his face. The other 'bullet' had lodged in
his abdomen, against his ribcage.
The archaeologist untied his lover's hands and feet, and then he undid
the blindfold. He gasped lightly, seeing now that the aliens had
beaten his Love. Jack's eyes were swollen, puffy, and closed.
The colonel had lost a lot of blood. His lips were dry and his
throat was sore from dehydration, having not been given any water since
his capture. He was having a hard time breathing. His hands
and feet had been tied with small scalpel type objects jabbed into his
ankles, blood surrounding them. There was redness there,
infection having set in from the open wounds.
“Jack, I'm here now. I'm going to take you home,” Daniel said
softly. He had intended his words to be strong and firm, like
Jack always was when Daniel was hurt, but he couldn't do it. His
heart was too full of anguish for what he saw. “It's going to be
all right, Jack,” he assured, trying desperately to find a safe place
to rest his hand against Jack's battered body.
“Danny.”
Daniel grabbed the only water bottle he had and cringed when he
realized it had been cut during one of his fights and only a small
amount of water remained, but he gently pressed the water against
Jack's lips.
“Just a little, Jack.” The younger man sat for a moment, washing
his soulmate's face with dabs of saliva and his own handkerchief and
then gave him the few remaining drops of water. “Jack, where's
Sam?”
“Stargate. Safe.”
Daniel reached for his radio to call Sam, but there was nothing
there. He figured the radio must have fallen off during the
struggle with the man in the woods. Not knowing if other aliens
would be following, he didn't think he had time to go looking for
it. He considered it a viable possibility that the radio had been
damaged in the fight. He was also concerned about Jack, and knew
he needed to focus on his lover.
The younger man didn't see how, but what he did know was that he needed
to get Jack out of there and back home. There was no safe way to
do it, but in his heart, he knew if he didn't try something, Jack would
die in the tent.
As the night came to a close, and light once again took over the planet
for a new day, Daniel made a travois using the cot and some rope he
found. He tied Jack down, and gave his lover a kiss on the
lips. He cried for a moment, afraid it might be their last kiss.
“I love you, Jack.”
“Love ...” was all Jack got out before lapsing into unconsciousness.
Daniel secured the rigging. He had the P-90, having ejected the
bad round of ammo that had caused the weapon to jam earlier, his now
re-loaded Beretta, and the dagger with him. The food and drink
the men were digesting disgusted him. He was afraid it wasn't
compatible for humans, so he left it behind. He had eaten the
last half of his power bar before his attack had begun, but that had
been all he had eaten. He was drained, but determined.
====
Through the rain forest, Daniel dragged his lover, stopping frequently
to touch his now-fevered body. The infection was worse; Jack's
ankles were bright red, hot and swollen. At the end of the day,
he had managed to keep his lover alive, but the terrain had been
difficult to travel with the travois.
Daniel sank down next to his unconscious colonel, his head on his hands
which lightly clung to Jack's midriff. He didn't know how he
could go on. He had murdered eight men, and Jack was going to die
anyway. As he lost himself in his thoughts, a hand suddenly
brushed against his hair. It was the hand of his lover, whom he
cherished beyond all life.
“Danny, we'll be okay.”
Daniel looked up, and amid Jack's pain and Daniel's despair, they lied
to each other for about three minutes, about how they'd make it back,
and would laugh about this experience next week.
“Love you, Angel.”
“I love you so much, Jack,” Daniel replied emotionally, watching Jack
close his eyes again. “No!” Daniel exclaimed out loud.
“You're not going to die, Jack, not after all this. No!
No! No!”
Daniel forced himself up and back into the travois. Even though
he could barely see, he took his lover towards the Stargate. He
had to keep moving. They didn't have time to wait.
====
After a while, Daniel came across a river where he could wash Jack and
wet his lips. Jack hadn't woke in hours, but he was still alive.
Daniel forced himself to keep going. His feet were sore and
swollen from the pressure of traversing the terrain with the travois,
and he was very weak from his lack of food. He drove himself
forward with one thought -- Jack.
It took three days, but, somehow, Daniel reached the Stargate, Jack
barely clinging to life. As the large circle came into view, they
were greeted by SGC Marines. At their sight, Daniel fell
unconscious to the ground, his hand touching Jack's.
====
“J'ck?”
Sam smiled. In the six years she'd known Daniel Jackson, each and
every time he awoke from illness, injury, or just being punched and
knocked out, the first word that always came out of his mouth was the
name he'd just spoken.
“Jack,” Daniel repeated, his breathing hitching.
“Daniel, it's Sam. You're going to be fine.”
“Jack?”
“The colonel isn't doing so well right now, but Janet's with him.
She's trying to get the infection under control; that's really the
worst thing. He's, um, hanging in there, but he's getting a lot
medical support, too. He'll be okay. ”
Daniel stared at Sam, translating her words -- Jack was fighting for
his life and hooked to a bevy of medical machinery, separated from
him. He didn't have anything else to say, and there was nothing
more Sam could say to him that mattered, so he checked out and into
himself.
====
“Daniel, if you don't eat something, I'll have to hook you up to IV's,”
Janet prodded, getting no response. Daniel hadn't seen Jack since
they'd come back through the Stargate, and it had been twenty-four
hours. He hadn't said anything, too lost in the darkness of all
that had happened on Troljanda. “Don't say I didn't try, Daniel,”
she advised as she hooked up another IV to the unresisting
archaeologist.
====
It was roughly one in the morning, and Janet had gone home for the
night, leaving Doctor Warner on duty. Quietly, Daniel
disconnected his IV's and turned off the various medical
machines. Being the SGC's most frequent infirmary visitor had its
advantages, including knowing the best time to sneak away and the best
sequence for turning things off to avoid detection.
Daniel knew Jack had to be in one of the private rooms. He
covertly checked the halls and opened doors until he found the right
one. He walked in and over to the bed and sat on the side, taking
Jack's hand in his.
Jack's head and chest were bandaged. He had a nasal cannula to
help him breathe and was hooked up to a slew of other medical
machines. His body was bruised; his ankles still showing signs of
infection, but much better than the last time Daniel had seen him.
Daniel didn't say anything; he simply continued to hold his lover's
hand. There was life in that hand, and the continuation of that
life which he considered to the most beautiful in the world ensured
that Daniel's own life continued.
====
“Doctor Warner, I can't seem to find Doctor Jackson,” the head of the
nightshift spoke with alarm.
“Find Doctor Jackson?”
“I went to check his IV and ... he's gone, Doctor. Should I call
Doctor Fraiser?”
“No, Debra. I'm sure I know where he is. Why don't you
continue on with your schedule?”
“Anything you say, Doctor Warner,” the nurse responded, turning around
to resume her other duties.
Two minutes later, Doctor Warner confirmed his suspicions as he slid
open the door to ISO Room 2 where Jack O'Neill was. He saw Daniel
holding Jack's hand, returned back to the infirmary, and placed a call.
====
Five minutes later, Sam opened the door to Jack's room and went over to
her friend, saying calmly, “Daniel, Janet says he's doing much better
now. She thinks he'll wake up later today.” Not getting a
response, she placed her hand on her friend's shoulder
supportively. “Okay, listen, you can't sit here all night.
You need to rest, so ...”
“I'm not leaving, Sam.”
“I know. Look, lay down ... um, just lay down, okay.”
Though Daniel faced Sam, blinking a few times, he said nothing.
She smiled. “Lay down, Daniel, and ... sleep. It'll be
okay. I'll take care of it. I promise.”
“Sam?”
“It's okay. The bullet was on his left side, and the head wound
was mostly a scratch. He won't break, Daniel. You saved
him. Come on. Lay down.”
Daniel was unsure, but he wasn't leaving either so he let go of Jack's
hand and laid down snugly against Jack; it was the closest they had
slept in over a month.
Sam got a couple of blankets from a cabinet and put them on top of her
friends. When Daniel blinked at her for a moment, she smiled
again.
“Go to sleep,” Sam instructed gently, turning and walking out the door.
Daniel wasn't sure what Sam was doing, but he didn't care. He
snuggled into Jack and within minutes, he went to sleep.
====
A few hours later, Sam walked back into the room and woke Daniel,
warning, “Janet is on her way, Daniel. You need to get back to
your bed. I'll give you a minute, okay?”
Daniel nodded as Sam helped him up and then exited the room. He
stood up slowly and then leaned over carefully to give his lover a kiss.
“I love you, Jack. We'll go home soon. I promise.”
====
Daniel was released from the infirmary two days later, though coming as
a surprise to no one, he pretty much remained at Jack's side while the
colonel continued his recuperation at the SGC. A few days after
that, Jack was released.
Now, a couple of evenings later, the lovers were sitting up on the roof
deck, enjoying the brisk night air. Jack leaned against the wall,
and Daniel leaned against him, enjoying the feel of the older man's
wrapping around him.
“Are you sure this doesn't hurt, Jack?”
“Danny, I live to hold you in my arms. Please don't move,” Jack
requested.
“But it hurts.”
“It's a little sore, but I like you right here. Let me hold you.”
At the SGC, they hadn't talked about the events that had occurred on
the planet. Daniel hadn't even wanted to know about the kidnapping and
beatings. He'd just wanted to go home with his lover, safe and
sound. Once home, though, the questions begged for answers, and
both men had given them.
Daniel had filled Jack in on every gory, horrific detail of his
actions. He had left nothing out, had spared himself no pain, and
had given himself no kindness.
Jack had cringed, knowing Daniel had killed repeatedly for him and
understanding that would eat away at his Love's heart forever. At
the same time, he was extremely proud of him for not giving up, for
using the skills he had taught him, and for getting them both back to
the SGC alive.
The colonel had then explained what had happened on Troljanda.
Sam had needed a specialized 'doo-dad' as he called it when she
realized they might have stumbled onto a major find, something stronger
than Trinium.
Jack had told the major to go back to the SGC and get whatever she
needed. He felt the potential find was more important than being
on time for the negotiations; plus, they had some time to play
with. He was sure Hammond would agree, so Sam had headed back,
while Jack had continued to monitor the results, per her
instructions. That's the reason Sam's pack had been gone from the
testing area, as she had put it back on for the trip to the Stargate.
About an hour later, the eight-man team had surprised Jack. The
Air Force colonel had tried to fight them off, but he had definitely
been out-manned. Still, he had almost got away until they shot
him. He had tried to stop the bleeding using the only thing he
could as he fled -- his cap. They had managed to catch him only
because his knees were not up to a sprint.
Jack had no idea who they were or what they wanted. They hadn't
told him, and while they seemed to know English, they had usually
spoken a language unfamiliar to him. He'd speculated that they
might be marauders or some type of guerrilla outfit. They had
gotten their jollies from tormenting Jack, which explained his bruises
and the sharp objects in his ankles; it had been their version of Tic
Tac Toe, according to the tortured colonel.
Sam had explained that when she returned to the SGC, it had taken
longer than she had expected to get the needed equipment, and in
addition, General Hammond had been called to a meeting, and she had to
wait to talk with him until he returned from the off-site meeting.
When Sam had finally returned and saw the disarray of the test site,
she had immediately headed back to the Stargate to get help.
Eventually, they'd found the eight men, but, apparently, had missed
crossing paths with Daniel pulling Jack in the travois. They
figured Daniel had already turned towards the river, or simply the
cover of the darkened skies made them miss each other.
Teal'c had returned the following day and told Hammond he was sure the
eight men were some type of outcasts, forced to live outside the
Troljandan caves because of crimes committed. He had heard tales
during his stay about their solution for a peaceful, almost crime-free
society. Apparently, part of their solution was banishment.
--
After fifteen minutes of simply holding and touching each other, Daniel
broke their silence.
“Jack?”
“Yes, Love?”
“Special Ops. When you lived that life, is this what it was like?”
~Mental torture.~ Jack closed his eyes and squeezed Daniel to
him. He hated the Fates right now. “Usually, but you have
to shut it out, Danny, or it will take over your life.”
Ten more minutes of silence filled the air before Daniel spoke, calling
out a quiet, “Jack?”
Jack kissed Daniel's nape and then replied, “What, Love?”
“Is what I did ... is that what you did ... a lot?”
Now, the colonel cursed the Fates. He didn't want to think about
this stuff anymore. He didn't want Daniel to know, though they
had talked much more than they should have about the things from his
Black Ops past. Cold-blooded murder, even in the name of one's
country, was hard. He was afraid Daniel would hate him, or maybe
still love him, but not be able to live with him, if he knew the
grueling details of what being a good little soldier could mean.
More than anything, Jack hated that Daniel now understood first hand
what that life was like. He swallowed hard. A little lie --
would it be that bad, he wondered.
“Jack?”
“Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel, I never wanted you to know all of
this. Gawd, I'd do anything to keep you from knowing.”
“But we don't lie to each other,” Daniel responded sternly.
~Don't start now. Please. I need ... truth.~
“No, we don't,” Jack sighed. ~Crap. He needs to deal with
this. O'Neill, put him first. Deal with the truth.~
“So, is this what it was like? Is that what you did?” Daniel
questioned, needing to know.
“Sometimes. Yes, more than I want to remember, and more than I
... yes.”
“Do you ever forget?” the younger man asked, hoping for an answer he
feared wouldn't come.
“No,” Jack answered, his response a long, drawn out sigh.
“How do you live with yourself?” Daniel asked, not intending to be
cruel; he was trying to figure out how to survive. ~I need to
know how you do it.~
Jack took his biggest breath yet, answering, “I remember that I had no
choice; that what I did was for the greater good; that in the end,
lives were saved, even if lives were also taken. Mostly, I think
about you, and how much I love you, and that somehow, maybe if I can
keep you safe and ... gawd, Danny. You're my redemption, my
something good, and look what I've done to you now.”
“You didn't do anything, Jack,” Daniel said, taking hold of his lover's
hands and holding them firmly in his.
“I made bad choices.”
Daniel turned around, sitting on his knees between Jack's legs.
He cupped his soulmate's face in his hands and kissed him.
“Jack, tell me the truth,” Daniel began. “You knew the ruins were
there, right?”
Jack let out a tiny smile, nodding and affirming, “Yes, and I let you
go, which was probably the best mistake I ever made because it kept you
safe.”
As they gazed into each other's eyes, a healing finally began for both
men.
“Danny, do you know what you did? And I don't mean the horror
part of it, but I hope you realize how proud I am of you. You did
everything right, Love. Your instincts were right -- everything,
and to top it off, you saved my life. By all rights, I should
have died out there, and with anyone else watching my back, I would
have.
“Look, I don't want you to remember killing those men. I wish I
could wipe it from your mind, but even if you throw that out, look at
what you did! You made that travois, carted me over difficult
terrain for days, and you kept me alive, cleaned my wounds, got me
water, and got us both to the Stargate, alive. You did that,
Danny -- just you. And according to the Doc, if you had waited
for Carter and the others, the infection would have killed me.”
“Jack ...”
“Daniel, you're a strong, capable man, with a determination that gives
you such an edge when you have to fight. There aren't many people
out there I would trust with my life, but you're one of them, and you
made me proud. Don't you ever forget how you saved my life.”
“I'm so sorry.”
“Sorry? For crying out loud, Daniel, what on Earth are you sorry
for?”
“For doubting myself, and for doubting us. I just ... lost my way
for awhile.”
Jack sighed in amazement and replied, “Listen to me, my beautiful
geek. You are a wonder. There's not a wimpy bone in your
body. You were outnumbered, Danny. There's not a thing you
could have done to get yourself out of that mess at the mall. Do
you hear me? Nothing! Not one single thing, and I couldn't
have either if they had singled me out. You're strong, and you're
smart, and I don't mean that genius stuff, I mean you're smart about
how to fight and when to fight. You pick your battles, and that's
not a bad thing.”
“I hurt you, Jack. I pushed you away.”
“I didn't go anywhere; never will. You are so stuck with me,
Daniel -- forever.”
“You got me, forever and always my sexy Silver Fox,” Daniel said,
mirroring a statement that his Heart had said to him that morning in
the cabin two days after the attack.
Daniel leaned in for their most passionate kiss in a month.
Neither wanted it to end, so they kept inventing ways for it to
continue, breathing only when they had to. Daniel moaned as his
hands lingered on Jack's neck. Finally, they broke apart.
“Jack?”
“Yes, Love?”
“How much does it hurt?”
With a grin, Jack answered, “Not that much. In fact, I'm willing
to bet that you could make me feel no pain at all, if you put your mind
to it.”
“I do all the work.”
“I've missed you so much, Angel,” Jack spoke, his eyes shining in the
joy of their love.
Daniel found Jack's lips again; then said, “You have no idea,
Jack. I was such a jerk.”
“You were just confused for a while, a victim of those monsters.”
“I'm back now, if you can forgive me.”
“There's nothing to forgive. Nothing,” Jack whispered as he
devoured his lover's mouth.
====
While Daniel was the first to return to duty at the SGC, soon enough
Jack returned as well, initially being placed on light duty before
being given the green light to return to full, active duty.
At home, the lovers reminded themselves of just how compatible they
really were, making love often, and almost gluing themselves to each
other as if making up for the weeks of lost time.
Finally, things at the SGC were pretty much back to normal.
Perhaps equally as important as Jack's physical recovery was the return
of Daniel's confidence in himself. His faith had come back, as
well.
The younger man still had a difficult time with what he'd done, but the
clincher was the realization that if he were ever put back into the
same situation, knowing the outcome, he'd do it all over again, without
a moment's hesitation. He would always protect Jack first and
foremost. He'd always known that, but he never knew the extent or
extreme that he'd go through to keep his Heart safe until now.
Daniel also had a new awareness of his lover. He realized just
how difficult it was for Jack to live each day as fully as he
was. For the first time, he truly understood what was behind
Jack's witty sarcasm, and why his lover had such a need to play.
It was a survival tool and a defense mechanism.
The archaeologist would never again criticize Jack's inappropriate
sarcasm as he had once called it, at least not for real, because he now
understood first hand how important a tool that was in getting through
a day when, maybe, life was a little tougher than normal.
Jack had made Daniel talk a lot about what happened, his feelings, and
what it meant. It had been extremely taxing on the younger man,
but, in the end, he had felt better for sorting through his conflicting
emotions.
Daniel had made a silent vow that one day, he was going to get Jack to
open up more about what he'd done in his past. Jack had shared
some things, but now, he knew there was much more that needed to be
talked about.
On this particular day, Jack wandered into Daniel's office, locking the
door behind him and turning off the security equipment.
“Jack, I have to get this done.”
“And I need to get this done,” Jack said, pulling Daniel off his chair,
into his arms, and practically inside his skin.
“Wow, Jack. You're such a good kisser,” Daniel teased, as if the
two had never engaged in that particular activity.
“Practice with my precious Angel, who's the absolute best everything,”
Jack declared as he kissed him again.
“I love you, Jack, but ...”
“Yeah, I know. Me, too, but I missed you.”
“I missed you, too. It's been,” Daniel checked his watch, “a
whole two hours, seven minutes, and twenty-two seconds since you were
here last.”
Jack laughed as he caressed Daniel's cheek, asking, “You trying to tell
me something, like get lost?”
Daniel shook his head and responded, “No, I'm trying to ask what took
you so long?”
“Briefing at 1400 hours. Don't forget.”
“I won't. Lunch?”
“Can't,” the colonel sighed with regret. “Hammond wants me in
some drab meeting.”
“I could wait,” Daniel suggested hopefully.
With a sad groan, Jack answered, “Won't have time, Danny. Grab
Sam.”
“I love you, Jack.”
“Love you, Danny, so friggin' much.”
====
Daniel took his tray to a corner table in the commissary. Sam and
Teal'c both had other obligations, so he was on his own. As he
tasted his soup, he heard something that ran a chill down his spine,
but he couldn't place it. Laughter from another table drew his
attention. A group of Marines were gathered. He recognized
a few of them, but not all.
The SGC had a constant turnaround of airmen and Marines. The
program was constantly expanding, and recruits were funneled through to
SG teams, the Alpha Site, and Area 51. To remain stationed with
the program meant that you were truly the cream of the crop. With
the continuing changes in personnel, there were always new personnel
circulating the hallways.
Daniel saw Lou Ferretti walk in. Lou waved and started to walk
over to the archaeologist, but was waylaid by the group of Marines that
occupied the two tables across the room. Lou seemed at ease with
the men and sat down at one of their tables. Daniel
shrugged. He'd have to make do with just himself and his lunch on
this day.
--
Having finished his meal, Daniel discarded his tray and started to exit
when Lou called out, “Hey, Doc. Have you met the latest victims
of the SGC?”
“No, I guess I haven't.”
“Guys, this is the resident genius, Doctor Daniel Jackson. Knows
more than all of us combined.”
“Come on, Lou, you're exaggerating,” one man spoke.
“Yeah, right,” another of the Marines smirked.
“Doc, this is John Maxim, Roy Bingham, and the smarty pants over there
is Phil Whitehead,” Lou introduced jovially.
Daniel shook hands with John and Roy, and then with Phil, but when he
did, that chill ran down him again. There was something in the
man's eyes, a sound in his voice that made him uneasy.
~Maybe I'm just tired and overly sensitive, considering everything
that's happened recently,~ Daniel thought before excusing himself and
walking away.
Lou took off a few minutes later, but the three new recruits remained
in the mess hall.
--
Halfway back to his office, Daniel realized he had forgotten his book
that he had taken with him to the commissary, thinking he might read a
while, but he never did. Returning to the commissary, he heard
the men laughing.
“I can't believe that homo geek works for the SGC. We gotta do
something about that,” Whitehead said.
Bingham added, “You don't think he recognized any of us, do you?”
“No way. He's not so smart,” Whitehead responded.
Daniel backed away, unseen, and headed for his office.
====
At the lovers' home two days later, Jack was outside, having just
finished mowing the lawn. He didn't know why, but Daniel had
suffered a relapse, closing himself off again. Doing the yard
work gave Jack a non-violent release for his anger and frustration.
Jack put the lawn mower back in the shed and turned on the hose to grab
a drink of water to quench his thirst. When he turned it off and
stood back up, Daniel was there, in his self-hug protective pose,
staring at him.
“Danny?”
“Jack, I need to tell you something, but I also need you to promise me
something, too.”
“Let's go in the house,” Jack suggested, not waiting for a response and
knowing that whatever the topic was, it was serious.
Daniel walked inside, following Jack, and closed the door.
Jack leaned against the arm of the sofa, his arms folded as he spoke,
“Okay, I'm listening.”
“I need you, Jack, and I know what you're going to want to do, but I
can't let you because ... I love you, and I need you ...”
“You already said that.”
“But I do, Jack,” Daniel stated with certainty. He walked into
his lover's personal space and cupped his face in his hands. “You
never understand how much I need you. I killed for you, and as
much as I hate that, I know I'd do it again. No doubt in my mind
that I would; but, you see, because I know that, and how that feels, I
can't let you do it for me again. I won't, Jack.”
“Danny, I don't know what you're talking about.”
“Jack, I want you to promise me that you won't ...” Daniel
hesitated. He didn't want to say it. He'd been struggling
with this for two days, and there were no easy answers. All that
mattered to him, though, was protecting Jack from himself. He
kissed his lover softly and took his hands in his. “Promise me,
Babe, that you won't do anything I don't agree to. Promise me,
that we'll talk about it and make the decision together. Promise
me.”
“Danny, give me a clue here.”
“Promise me, Jack.”
“Okay, Danny, I promise. We talk about everything anyway,” Jack
stated.
“Not this, not before, but we do now, Jack. Promise.”
“I promise I'll listen, Danny. That's all I can do,” Jack
responded, his Daniel alarm blaring with every insistence that he
remain calm and talk whatever the problem was out.
With a nod, Daniel revealed, “I know who some of them are.”
Jack tensed as he stood up, asking incredulously, “What?”
His hands dropping to his side from his lover's movement, Daniel
questioned, “Jack, do you remember what I said when it happened?
I mean, how I described them?”
“Well-built, military types,” Jack said hesitantly.
Daniel nodded, and Jack knew what that meant without asking. He
pulled away from his partner and paced. He wanted to kill them,
and now he knew why Daniel had insisted on the promise.
“I have to protect you, Jack, just like you protect me, so I'm holding
you to that promise.”
“I only said I'd listen, Daniel.”
“It was more, Jack, and you know it.”
Though Jack nodded, he still needed a bit of space to get a grip on his
emotions. He paced as he fought his rising blood pressure.
He so wanted to tear those monsters into shreds. He was having a
hard time keeping control, and then he glanced at Daniel -- his lover,
his soulmate -- self-hugging, scared, worried, not about himself, but
about Jack.
The older man scolded himself for being so wrapped up in his own need
for revenge, that he had forgotten that he wasn't the victim.
Daniel was, and Daniel needed his support, not his anger, and
definitely not his frustrated need to avenge his hurt. He
resolved to do whatever his soulmate needed to get them both through
the rest of the nightmare.
“Ah, Danny, I'm a jerk again,” Jack confessed as he rushed to his
partner. “Maybe someday I'll get this right.” Holding
Daniel close, he asked, “Are you okay, Angel? Tell me.”
“It was some of the new ...”
“No, Danny, that's not what I mean. I want to know what you
feel. I want you to tell me what you need from me to get us whole
again.”
Daniel's eyes grew misty as he leaned into Jack's embrace, and he spoke
honestly when he said, “I think you just did it, Jack.”
Jack had put aside his own desires, putting Daniel's first. That
fact meant more than anything to the younger man. Now, he knew
they'd get through this, and both he and his Love would be safe.
====
“And you're sure, Doctor Jackson?” General Hammond questioned, his
expression serious as he sat behind his desk, his hands clasped tightly
together.
“Yes, Sir. It wouldn't hold up in court, but I am positive,”
Daniel asserted confidently as he sat with his arms folded in one of
the chairs in Hammond's office.
“Very well. Take care of it, Colonel,” the major general ordered.
“With pleasure, General,” Jack replied as he stood at the corner of the
man's desk, his hands in his pockets.
“Jack,” the bald-headed man called out with concern.
“Don't worry, General. I promised Daniel I wouldn't kill them,”
Jack confessed.
“Jaaaack.”
“Just speaking the truth, Daniel. Let's go,” Jack said with a nod
towards the door, ushering his lover out of the office, leaving the
general shaking his head at the antics of his 2IC and Head of
Archaeology.
~Congratulations, Jack. You got our boy back. I wish it
wasn't always so hard on him, though.~
====
“Oh, I don't think so, Fly Boy,” Daniel said as he escaped the grasp of
his lover.
It was a couple of days later, and the lovers were outside in their
backyard. It was about 4 p.m., and they had done their yard work
for the week, and now they were two little boys at play.
“You might be able to run faster than me, Rock Boy, but you can't hide.”
“I don't need to. You'll never catch me,” Daniel laughed scooting
out of Jack's reach again.
“You are so going to eat those words, my little linguist.”
“Not little. Didn't we have that discussion already Jack? I
can have Janet do an official measurement, if you like.”
“That's it. You're mine.”
The shirtless Daniel laughed again, “Only if you catch me,” as he
sought to dart by his lover.
Surprisingly, Jack caught a piece of Daniel's jeans, causing his prize
to tumble onto the grass.
Jack laughed smugly and crawled up to Daniel, rolling him onto his
back. He was expecting to start a kissing session, but suddenly
the younger man grinned, causing him to feel alarmed for a
moment. Then he realized why.
In his hand, Daniel held the hose. Turning it on, he thoroughly
doused his soulmate, who scooted away hurriedly, trying to escape the
'rain'.
“Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel. Turn it off.”
“You have to catch me first, Wet Boy,” Daniel teased.
“Oh, Doctor Jackson. You are so going to eat those words.”
“Actually, I was thinking about eating something else, Jack.”
Daniel batted his eyelashes, causing Jack to sneer as he lunged forward
unexpectedly, tackling his laughing lover to the ground. They
were both in hysterics, their arms around each other.
“Geez, Danny, what you do to me. I love you.”
The couple kissed, and Daniel kept Jack close to him as he spoke, “I
love you so much, Jack. Gawd, I still can't believe you did
that. It was perfect, absolutely friggin' perfect.”
“Hey, that's my word.”
Jack's hand caressed Daniel's face. They had both finally healed
from their battle scars of the last six weeks. They might never
go away completely, but they had a handle on them now. More
importantly, they were happy and so very much in love.
“How about a shower? We're all dirty now,” Jack observed.
“A shower sounds good. I'll watch your six,” Daniel said with a
smile.
“You always do, Danny, and I'm alive because of it. Thank you,”
Jack said seriously.
The lovers kissed again and then went upstairs to 'discuss' their love
some more.
====
Meanwhile, on a small planetoid SG-1 had visited briefly, John Maxim,
Roy Bingham, and Phil Whitehead argued over the disbursement of
their supplies.
“I thought you said this was a prime mission to volunteer for,” Maxim
complained to Whitehead.
“That's what I had heard. I don't understand this. I
overheard them talking. This should be a paradise,” the man
replied.
“This isn't my idea of a paradise, Whitehead,” Bingham whined.
“Well, get used to it. We're here for two years,” Whitehead
groused.
“I can't believe this. I'd rather be at Elmendorf peeling
potatoes,” Maxim spoke.
The three Marines had volunteered for this prime detail after Phil
Whitehead 'eavesdropped' on a conversation between Jack O'Neill and Lou
Ferretti. Jack had been trying to convince Lou to volunteer for
it with him, claiming it was a paradise beyond belief. The two
had done an amazing acting job during the staged scene, and Whitehead
had bought every word.
As a result, the three men had been reassigned as cultural liaisons to
the inhabitants of PR4-291, a small but quaint planet where the
citizens believed in the basics. They had practically no comforts
or luxuries, and the three volunteers would be required to assist in
their normal routine, planting, harvesting, using scrub boards to do
their laundry, and other mundane but necessary daily chores.
Teal'c had been assigned as the liaison to the liaisons. He
personally escorted the trio to their new home, a small hut in need of
a roof, the original one having been blown away by the last
storm. Teal'c assured the three he would be checking on them
frequently. He also made it clear that the inhabitants were
special to him, and that it would be very bad if any of them became ill
or injured during the cultural exchange with the Tau'ri.
--
As the sun set in Colorado Springs, Jack and Daniel were making love,
full of peace and ready to tackle their forever together.
--
As the sun set on PR4-291, John, Roy, and Phil sat in the circle of
honor with the inhabitants of the planetoid, a place occupied by a race
called the Mengali, a highly intelligent race of men, who dated and
married other men and had children, biologically, something their
bodies were designed for.
“Two years, Whitehead. Two f-ing years.”
Phil Whitehead shook his head in disbelief. It was going to be a
very long two years.
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