Plant Me a Kiss

Author:  Orrymain
Category:  Slash, Humor, Romance, Established Relationship
Pairing:  Jack/Daniel ... and it's all J/D
Rating:  NC-17 (light)
Season:  2 - May 12, 1999
Spoilers:  One False Step
Size:  11kb, ficlet
Written:  March 8-9,14,18, 2009
Summary:  After arguing off-world about plants, Jack and Daniel end up facing off once again on the subject of fauna.
Disclaimer:  Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't.  A gal can dream though!
1) This fic stands alone, but it does reference my other fic(s), “Never a False Step”
2) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better:  Irina, Linda!

Plant Me a Kiss
by Orrymain

Daniel Jackson brushed back his long shaggy hair as he knelt down, becoming eye level with the object he was interested in at the moment.  It rested on the third shelf from the bottom and took up two-thirds of the space across.  The archaeologist's blue plaid shirt was buttoned, except for the two top slots.  His ivory trousers were a bit too big for his slender physique, and his shirt sneaked out from having been tucked in as he got into position.

“It was a ... an interesting mission.  You probably would have liked it there.  The inhabitants have a respect for others.  They're primitive, but, uh, I like them.”

So engrossed did the archaeologist become in his one-way conversation that he didn't hear the door open to his loft apartment, but open it did when Daniel's lover, Colonel Jack O'Neill, used his key to get inside.  The handsome Air Force officer slipped his keys inside his pocket as he maneuvered around the kitchen counter.  He could hear his Love talking and almost immediately called out to the younger man.

“Daniel, who are you talking to?”

Flabbergasted by Jack's presence and query, Daniel started to stand, but he lost his footing in his surprise and ended up down on his butt.

Jack stared down at him quizzically, cocking his head slightly as he asked, “Danny, what are you doing?”

“Uhhhh,” Daniel began, looking around the living room.  “Nothing.”

Jack nodded and reached down to help his lover up.  They shared a quick kiss, much quicker than either liked, but it was the nervousness of the moment that had been the cause for the all-too-quick touching of the lips.

“So, who were you talking to?” Jack repeated, looking around and not seeing the cordless phone or his Love's cell phone nearby.

“I was ...”  Daniel sighed, sensing that he was rather choiceless at the moment and he might as well admit the truth.  “I was talking to the plant.”

Jack looked down at the fern and quipped, “Did it talk back?”

Daniel scowled at the older man, and the war of words was on.

“Jack, there's nothing wrong with talking to plants.  Didn't you learn anything on PJ2-445?”

Jack groaned in response, rearing his head back before answering, “Yes.  I learned funny naked men bond with funny little pod plants.”

“They weren't naked,” Daniel refuted.

“They looked naked.”

“It was their skin,” Daniel reminded.  Closing his eyes briefly, he continued, “But that's not the point.  Jack, the people on PJ2-445 had a symbiotic relationship with the plants.  They're connected, and they communicate.”

“Is that what that was called?”

“Yes,” Daniel responded sharply.

“If you say so,” Jack replied sarcastically, walking by his love and kneeling down to look at the fern.  “Good thing you aren't counting on me for survival,” he told the plant.


“What?” the older man questioned innocently while he stood back up and again faced his lover.

“Why do you have to do that?” Daniel asked.

“Do what?”

“That!” Daniel exclaimed as his right arm jutted out towards the other man.

“*What*?” Jack asked, his shoulders raised in innocence.

“All that time on 445, everything we went through, what we saw -- and you learned nothing?”

Jack pursed his lips for a second and retorted, “I learned something.”

“Oh, good,” Daniel replied, his head bobbing up and down quickly.  “What did you learn?”

“That Carter talks to her plants,” Jack responded.  Looking down at the fern, he added, “Apparently, she's not the only one.”  As an afterthought, he muttered, “Scientists.”

When Jack returned his focus to the scientist of his heart, he saw a stern glare, one that was about to threaten the couple's happy plans for a romantic evening.

“What do you want me to do?” Jack asked calmly.


“Danny, I'm sor...”

“*Not* to me,” Daniel interrupted.  “To the plant.”

“Noooooo, no, no, no,” Jack chuckled incredulously.  “I'm *not* apologizing to a plant.”

“I'm surprised your house isn't surrounded by dead limbs,” Daniel responded coldly.  “How is it, Jack, that all those shrubs, flower bushes, and *plants* have managed to grow so well?”

“Water,” Jack responded.  “I water them.”  Tired of the game, he remarked, “I'm hungry.”

“There's always McDonald's,” Daniel responded.  “It's age appropriate.”

“Cute.”  All the colonel saw were blue eyes that weren't their normal inviting selves.  He sighed.  “I'll cook.  What do you want for dinner?”

“I'm not hungry,” Daniel answered, his arms now securely folded across his chest in a gesture of independence and defiance.

“Okay, we'll snack,” Jack put forth lightly, choosing to ignore the meaning of his archaeologist's pose.  “Wanna watch a movie?”


“Listen to music?”


“Read a book?”


Jack stared at his soulmate and grinned with hope as he asked, “Make love?”

“No, I don't think so,” Daniel answered just as coldly as he'd responded to the first query.

“We're not going to do anything tonight, are we?” Jack questioned with a knowing and regretful sigh.

“I don't think so.”

Staring and realizing he'd been outdone, Jack growled as he turned around, flailing his arms out beside him as he exclaimed, “Fine!”  Kneeling down, he looked at the fern and tried to pretend he wasn't about to speak to a plant. “Fern, ole pal, ole buddy of mine, Danny loves you, and I love Danny.  He thinks you care what I think.  Honestly, I don't.”  Putting his hands to his chest, he added, “That's just my opinion.  I could be wrong, so on the basis, from the depths of my Danny-lovin' heart, I apologize if, in any way, I have offended you.  So, grow, sprout, do your fernly stuff. ”  Standing, he smiled and faced his lover once again.  “Okay?”

Daniel's demeanor softened.  His grip on his arms lessened, and a smile began to emerge, though it was slow in the making.

Jack took full advantage of Daniel's new and improved stance and swooped him up into arms, finally getting a much-improved 'hello' kiss.

Daniel's arms inched their way up Jack's side.  His fingers caressed the slightly taller man's neck until they wrapped around and began playing with the thin strands of hair that graced the back of Jack's head.

“Wow!” Jack exclaimed when the hello kiss, or rather the group of deep, hearty kisses ended.  “Can I apologize to any more of your plants?”

With a chuckle, Daniel answered, “You don't need to.  I'm sorry I was so stubborn.”

“You?  Stubborn?”

“I can get that way again, if you'd like,” Daniel replied, a hint of a warning in his tone.

“No, no, I'm happy like we are right now.”

“Me, too,” Daniel agreed and then leaned in for another kiss.  Gently, he kissed his lover's cheek, caressing it with a series of tiny kisses, gentle licks of his lips, and sweet swipes of his thumb.  “Does it hurt?”

“Only when I think about it,” Jack replied seriously.  Quickly, though, he confessed, “Danny, it doesn't hurt at all, and I don't want you feeling guilty about it.  We were under the influence of ... whatever it was.”

“But I hit you.”

“You decked me,” Jack groused lightly.  “Worse, I didn't see it comin'.”

The punch in question had occurred the day before on the walk back to the Stargate, at a time when the couple weren't feeling their best.  They'd already argued a couple of times in the village of the locals, and then as they traversed the long distance between the village and the Gate, they'd argued some more.

Uncharacteristically fed up, Daniel had slugged his one true love.  Jack had never really been angry, and though Daniel had been concerned that Jack wouldn't want him anymore, the older man had taken care of that in quick time, and their lovemaking had been full of passion, desire, and need.

Daniel chuckled, “Gawd, that's really all you care about.  I managed to get inside of those Special Ops skills.”

“My guard was down,” Jack rationalized.

“Yes, it was,” Daniel agreed in a combination of truth and not wanting his soulmate to feel bad.

“It's always down for you, Danny.  I love you.”

Daniel's eyes turned misty in a quick second.  He just couldn't believe how lucky he was.  He'd wanted love for so long, and it still amazed him that he had it.  Deep down, he wondered just when he'd do something to ruin it.  He was certain hitting his partner would have angered Jack and caused them to split up, but here they were, in each other's arms, about to spend another cozy night together.  He had to say the words, those very special words that meant so much.

“I love you, too.”

“That's what I like to hear,” Jack responded happily.  “Hungry?”


“Steak or ...”

“The 'or' please,” Daniel interrupted, his smile brightening as Jack grinned.

The lovers began to fondle each other.  It was clear their lovemaking wasn't going to be in the bedroom at the moment.  Their breaths were becoming wanton gasps, and their bodies were quickly becoming bereft of clothing.

Suddenly, Jack looked over his shoulder and called out, “Hey, Fern.  Wanna watch?”

Daniel slapped his soulmate in the abdomen and chastised, “We're busy here.”

As the two men collapsed to the floor, Jack's hand was working his lover mightily, the younger man already deeply involved.

Unable to resist temptation, Jack laughed, “Are you sure you want to do this, right here, in front of Fern?”


“She might be sensitive.”

“Jaaaack!” Daniel objected, wanting desperately for his lover to attend to the task at hand, and his hand was on him, not some plant.

“But ...”

“Forget about the plant!” Daniel ordered, his sharp and demanding.

Unable to resist a last tease, Jack glanced towards the green plant and called out, “Fern, this could be an education for you.  We're ...”

“Stop talking to the freakin' plant!” Daniel interrupted sternly.

“Anything you say, Danny,” Jack replied happily.  “Anything you say.”

~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~
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